Saturday, September 04, 2010
I am having a hard time dealing with the fact my finances are not where they should be and I am not achieving the goals I set for myself. I have no excuse to use except its been so long that I have taking care of myself that I'm too scared to get back in the race again but I know with my health which is Arthritis in my knees and back along with Pulmonary Embolisms is very dangerous and add stress of having my mom move in with me when clearly her and I don't get along and can not see eye to eye because she is so negative about everything. Then I have two sons still in high school one is a senior doing very well and the other age 16 who thinks he is a semi man and feel he can do whatever is driving me nuts. My daughter who is 24 have a 4 year old son and is pregnant with her second child. I feel its a Blessing because she was using double protection and still got pregnant and its a girl. Her son is 4 years old and just because her life nor mine is perfect does that mean she shouldn't have a child? I feel if God says its meant to be then it will be. My daughter does not get public assistance well cash but yeah we get food stamps and even if we did get cash so what I mean really I worked, my daughter worked, my nana worked all her life my mom worked all hers as well as my father and stepmother and the rest of my family so we put in the funds just like anyone else and if we want to collect some of it why not. I get so tired of people saying that society is paying for a family to live well news flash that family you think you paying also had relatives that work and paid into the system. As long as someone is using it as a step up and not abusing the system just shut up and let people live.
If anyone would have told me I would be weighing in at 300lbs in my life I would have laughed at them but now as i sit and look in the mirror and realizing I am only 30lbs away from weighing almost 400 lbs is scary and upsetting. I keep asking myself how did I get this big and why have I stopped trying to lose the weight. I will try but then let the littlest thing upset me and have me miss my goal. I have signed up for many challenges this year hoping I will make good on at least one it would be great to keep up with all of them and not fall back into the same trap but I keep looking at my past blogs and my challenge history and its horrible. I want to live therefore I need to make changes that will benefit me. My diet coach Gary is just about through with me because years after working with me I still have not reached our goal and there is no real reason for me not to have had some progress. I hold myself accountable for all that I eat and drink. I had myself weened off of pepsi just to go back and take a taste and now I have drank about 4 pepsi sodas in two days...just ridicolous. I need to rethink and act accordingly starting tomorrow and making it the Beginning of the Rest of my Life