not very sparklie
Saturday, September 04, 2010
I am not very sparklie today - so brace yourself or bail out now and read someone else's blog. seriously, I'll understand and still love you for it.
I had really high hopes about today. I went to bed last night excited. Then I woke up and the day happened.
Of course it is my fault too because I waited for Bob to get up. You see, we had plans: at the zoo by 9 to buy annual passes and walk around before the crowd got there, then off to register for the race for tomorrow. I know it wasn't intentional, but he didn't get up. He sept until 930. By then we had to go straight to registration because I wanted to make sure to get a race t-shirt and they go fast. When we went to the zoo it was full - no parking, no zoo for me.
I don't know what to say or how not to be angry. I was really clear last night, not just thought I was, but really was. "I want to be at the zoo by 9, that means we have to leave at 8:30." I thought he was excited too. But then today came.
Sometimes I wonder what is harder the battle to stay fit and healthy or the battle to save my marriage. I think the marriage is harder because there are 2 people's bad habits to overcome and not just my own. It is harder because each of us has a different level of commitment at any given moment and it very likely is WAY different. I struggle with forgiving, myself and others. I keep a pretty high grade card and it is pretty much pass/fail.
I am not sure how this day will end up. I am sitting here crying now and can't decide what to do next. uugh I'd rather be on a treadmill.
To those of you who read this - sorry to be a downer, had to get it out of my system. Keep the spark going for me today, I don't know that I have very much of it myself. It'll be back, I am sure, just not sure when.
Love you all and thanks for being a virtual shoulder to cry on. There is no easy fix here, so don't feel like you need to offer advice. Just know that I appreciate the fact that you care about someone you have never met. Love you guys.