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not very sparklie

Saturday, September 04, 2010

I am not very sparklie today - so brace yourself or bail out now and read someone else's blog. seriously, I'll understand and still love you for it.

I had really high hopes about today. I went to bed last night excited. Then I woke up and the day happened.

Of course it is my fault too because I waited for Bob to get up. You see, we had plans: at the zoo by 9 to buy annual passes and walk around before the crowd got there, then off to register for the race for tomorrow. I know it wasn't intentional, but he didn't get up. He sept until 930. By then we had to go straight to registration because I wanted to make sure to get a race t-shirt and they go fast. When we went to the zoo it was full - no parking, no zoo for me.

I don't know what to say or how not to be angry. I was really clear last night, not just thought I was, but really was. "I want to be at the zoo by 9, that means we have to leave at 8:30." I thought he was excited too. But then today came.

Sometimes I wonder what is harder the battle to stay fit and healthy or the battle to save my marriage. I think the marriage is harder because there are 2 people's bad habits to overcome and not just my own. It is harder because each of us has a different level of commitment at any given moment and it very likely is WAY different. I struggle with forgiving, myself and others. I keep a pretty high grade card and it is pretty much pass/fail.

I am not sure how this day will end up. I am sitting here crying now and can't decide what to do next. uugh I'd rather be on a treadmill.

To those of you who read this - sorry to be a downer, had to get it out of my system. Keep the spark going for me today, I don't know that I have very much of it myself. It'll be back, I am sure, just not sure when.

Love you all and thanks for being a virtual shoulder to cry on. There is no easy fix here, so don't feel like you need to offer advice. Just know that I appreciate the fact that you care about someone you have never met. Love you guys.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You're not a downer... Aww. emoticon You had really poignant thoughts about marriage - like how its overcoming two persons bad habits, not just your own. I never really thought of it that way, but its you have a really good point. Marriage is tough, but I think it's worth it. You love your husband. Its pretty apparent...but it sounds like you had a legitimate reason to be upset with him. Just know when it is time to let it pass.
    Hang in there.. emoticon
    2592 days ago
    I have to echo WONDER_WOMANWLW - I found that the less I waited around for people to do things with me and just did them myself (or found someone who shared that interest to do said thing with), the truer to myself I *felt*, and the generally happier I was.

    *hugs* (Real in-person hugs tomorrow!)
    2600 days ago
    Maybe you need to accept that you need to do things yourself sometimes. If he wasn't ready to go by 8:25, you could have walked out the door. I have to do it in order to keep myself sane. If he isn't willing to follow through, i refuse to lose out on things that are important for me. Since I started doing that, I am a happier person and in the long run, I am a better wife, because I don't spend days angry anymore.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
    2600 days ago
    *hugs* I wish I had something comforting to say, or something that would help. I get really frustrated when I have goals and someone else doesn't seem to share them with me and then things get messed up.

    I hope your day gets better.
    2600 days ago
    Sorry to hear you are not having a good day, yep I go through the same motions at times. I am mover & shaker and he isn't, he is an outdoorsmen and I am a city girl to the max *lol*. But we make it work, it can be difficult but he knows very well my gym time, walking/running is ME time. I tend to workout early mornings on the weekend or when he is napping....hugs emoticon
    2600 days ago
    i am going thru the same thing at the moment....same same same....dont know what to do.................................
    ...... emoticon
    2600 days ago
    thanks - I think Rule 4 is: try not to be such a biotch to your spouse when he screws up. God this sucks - I hate crying and I hate losing days of my life to being angry because it is always Saturday that I lose. I want to enjoy a dang weekend for once. Why am I such a dang perfectionist and why can I not let go?
    2600 days ago
    Rule #1 - In the end, you only have yourself
    Rule #2 - Marriage is worth fighting for, as long as both people agree on that fact
    Rule #3 - Be kind to yourself, extra kind to yourself, when you are facing life changing circumstances, decisions and shifts
    2600 days ago
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