Saturday, September 04, 2010
Hi Everyone! I'm sorry I've been slow on the blog posting lately. I have so many great ideas for things that I want to write about and by the time I look up from what I'm doing it's too late, and I should be in bed, but I need to get some stuff out before I can sleep so here goes - this is going to be a crazy, mixed up jumble of everything going on in my life right now, so sorry for the dump!
Blog #1 - Title: GONE
So The Scientist left yesterday - which is why all the cryptic, sad status messages from me. It was an exhausting day. There were a lot of tears, and hugs, and more tears, but we made it through and now he's spending some time with his parents in California before leaving for Germany on the 15th. I miss him. And I will continue missing him for a long time. But, it was not meant to be. We will be lifelong friends, I'm looking very forward to having someone to visit in Germany (and other wonderful places around the world since he travels frequently), and I have had a wonderful two years with him, but I know in my heart that he is not my "forever man" so I have to move on. And he knows this too. Deep down we are two different souls who have shared so much over two years - good times and bad times. I think this move is the best thing that could have happened for his career and I wish him so much success and love and happiness. But I am on a road to achieving those things for myself too and I can't let this stop me now. Besides, I told him when he sees me in November that I'm going to be a skinny bitch - so I have to live up to that promise!
Blog #2 - Title: Threshold
I've officially lost 40 pounds. The next FRACTION of a pound that I lose will officially push me into a territory that I have never breached before - The Most Weight That I Have Ever Lost On A Diet territory. But this is not a diet. And that's why this is different. And not only am I not afraid of this new territory, I am running towards it with open arms like a fawn through a field of daisies. BRING IT ON!!! I am so excited to be here and to be feeling what I'm feeling right now and to NOT BE AFRAID. God it is freeing! I am brimming with anticipation for what the next 10, 20, 30 pounds looks like and I know I can do it. The 40-pound threshold doesn't scare me - it only makes me want to push harder!
Blog #3 - Title: Lucky 7s?
I hate 7s. Seriously. As a continuation of the above blog, as long as I keep seeing sevens on the scale I am not stepping over that 40-pound threshold. Grrr. I'm SO done with the 270s right now I can taste it in every fiber of my being. And again this morning - 273. Exactly 40 pounds, on the nose. Not an ounce more. However - I have been under an inordinate amount of stress this week/month, I've been doing everything right, and it's going to happen. It's GOING TO HAPPEN. 69, 69 , 69 , 69....hey now, get your heads out of the gutter! At least I'm not going up. But these darn plateaus are KILLING me. *Razzberry to that*
Blog #4 - Title: Who Is This Healthy Chick?
My non-scale victories have been off the charts this month. Thank god for that because like I said above, if I see one more 7 I might go postal. But I officially did the "are you too skinny for your pants?" test today - which I equate to being able to pull your jeans on and off without unbuttoning them. I can now do this with my old "skinny jeans" that are a size 24. These are the very pair that I couldn't even button at my heaviest. Woohoo! I can smell the 18s in my closet. Ten more pounds....just ten more pounds.
At rehearsal last week I was microwaving my dinner - homemade mini meatloafs with polenta and carrots - delish! One of my actors commented on how good it smelled every night and how smart I was for prepping my dinners in advance. Score one for me! And here I thought I'd look like a geek for bringing my tupperware all the time. Turns out, I'm the belle of the ball. Now everyone else salivates over my healthy food while they eat their greasy take-out or worse, try to tide themselves over with stale rehearsal cookies and donuts until they get home at 11pm to eat dinner. No Bueno! It gives me such an incentive to pack my lunch and dinner every day, even though it is a lot of extra work. It has made such a difference in my energy levels too. This might be the first show I've ever done where I didn't gain at least 5 pounds from all the eating out, social drinking and bad food schedules. I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this since it really has been a detriment to my health in the past.
I ran day 2 of Week 4 of C25K this morning. When I stepped outside in my standard tank top and sports bra I was shocked. It was actually COLD outside today. (And it still is - yey Fall!!!) I knew the cooler temperatures were going to make the run easier, but I had no idea that I would increase my speed as much as I did. I had to tack on an extra block just to finish the recording. I am so pumped for the cooler weather. And I'm a runner. When I came back inside I was barely sweating - talk about feeling healthy!
Even though I ran today, I miss the pool. And my body misses the pool - I have noticed that I really do not lose as much weight when I'm not swimming. Only one more week until my schedule returns to normal and I can get back in the water. I can't wait to buff up my shoulders again. I love my arms when I swim - they get so strong! And with the addition of running and Zumba, I have every confidence that I'm going to blast that 270 in the next couple of weeks and push through the 260s as well. But today I really needed someone to notice me. It's gotten to that point where I can REALLY see a difference in myself. And I don't want to be the center of attention when it comes to my body - but today, because the scale was the same yet again, I needed to hear it from someone else. Needed to feel like all of this was worth it - even with the running, and the pants, and the good feeling inside. And I got what I wanted! My co-worker approached me today, cautiously (which was nice of her). She said - "I don't know how you feel about me drawing attention to this, but I did want to say that I am really noticing your weight loss. You can totally tell that you've lost a bunch of weight and it's looking really good on you." That's all I needed to hear. It's not just me. Other people can see it. Now I can go back to my anonymity and hope that no one notices for the next 40 pounds...haha - highly unlikely.
Blog #5 - Title: The WW Challenge
This is a blog that I will extend into a full length one just as soon as I get time. But to give you an idea of the new challenge that I set up for myself, I'll tell you this: I was going through an old folder of WW stuff the other day - my 5 pounds lost ribbons, old Points books, recipes, calculators, etc. from my 6+ times joining and quitting the WW program. Some people love it - it's not my thing (as is evidenced by my upcoming challenge). I also found 3 of my old weigh-in books that span a number of years and a number of failed attempts at losing weight. I am approaching the weight I was at the last time I joined WW. In 25 weeks I yo-yoed up and down on their program, losing almost 20 pounds at one point and then going right back up again to only 6. My challenge is going to be to get to the lowest weight in that book and then destroy it forever! No more failed attempts. No more diets that don't work for me. I have already proven here that I can do whatever I put my mind too. So I'm going to take that last failed attempt and prove to myself that I can get past it...and then keep right on going. If I continue to do these challenges back to back, one WW weigh-in book at a time, by the time I finish with my third book challenge I will be under 200 pounds, and at a weight I haven't seen since I was 13 years old. Yep - I found my book from when I was 13. I just want to hug that child and tell her it's all going to be ok. Because I'm going to make it ok and blast through that bad memory too. I'm excited. More to follow in the next blog with photos!
Blog #6 - Title: Fall Fashion
I'm running out of clothes. And fast. The stuff I bought to wear last fall/winter is all too big. I have SOME clothing left over from my "smaller" days that I'm into now. I'm desperately trying to wear all of my favorite summer clothes one more time before the season ends because I know once we hit the cold weather I'll never wear them again. It's exciting, but it's also sad (because I spent SO MUCH MONEY on all that stuff not so long ago). And I just got the new Lane Bryant catalogue - Lord Help Me. I want everything, and yet I want nothing. I don't want to buy something I'm going to wear twice and have to get rid of. I want to buy things that fit now, but I also want to buy things that are a little too small so I'll have stuff to work into. And despite how much I love some of the things in the pictures, I'm OVER Lane Bryant. I'm DONE with fat girl stores. I can't wait until I can shop in normal places - but that just isn't yet. I still need to go through one more round of big, expensive clothes before I can start shopping the sales at Nordstrom Rack. And I also need underwear and bras, which are expensive and which also will be falling off me soon enough - too soon to really justify their expense, but I suppose spending a little cash is better than boobs flopping around in a bra that's too big. Oh, If I Had A Million Dollars...
Eesh - this was supposed to be a brain dump to help me sleep. I think all I did was stimulate myself more. I'm pumped for these challenges. I feel healthy. I'm on task to have more of a new body by November for me and for The Scientist. I'm making a list of the things I absolutely need and want to buy to get me through to the next round of sizing.
But I seriously have rehearsal in about 7 hours, and sleep is important for my health as well, so I must go to bed! Thanks for reading!