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FANCYFACEOHMAI

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Dealing with Change, whether you want to or not

Friday, September 03, 2010

I marveled for the past couple of weeks how my 12-year-old adjusted to going to a new school. He had been at his previous school since he was 4 years old, and now he was going to a bigger school with more people. He was about to make a big change. The first day, he came home noticeably upset. He said he was missing his old school, his teachers and friends. Being mommy, I held him and tried to comfort him, explaining that things don't stay the same, and that the one thing we can really count on in life is that things are going to change. We talked about the importance of continuing to get the work done, even though his heart was aching, and he was missing his old stomping grounds. I advised him to focus on the work and focus on making new friends, and eventually the pain would subside. We sat for a while, and I let him pour out his feelings. It was difficult to listen to his 12-year-old heartbreak, because I wanted to cry with him. Instead, I sat quietly and listened.

A week has gone by since then, and we talked about how he was feeling. He let me in on a secret: "The second day was worse!" I wondered for a minute if we had made a mistake with the new school, but he smiled and said, "it's a lot better than last week, and in a few months it will be like nothing happened." He is adjusting to his new surroundings, making new friends, getting the work done, and having excellent results. I'm very proud of him.

This whole thing got me thinking about how I handle change. Honestly, I'm not that good at it. When I hit a major upset in my life, I tend to hibernate with something starchy and warm, hopefully with butter on it; at other times, I don't eat at all. Those are two extremes and not good for anything. Eating your way out of agony is just eating your way into more agony. What I've had to tell myself is that things change, people change, situations and cirumstances change, and I need to change with them. I have goals. I have places to go, people to see, things to do; but I won't ever get to it, if I don't focus on GETTING THE WORK DONE, even if my heart is telling me to do something else. I have to be like I've encouraged my son to be. Replacing old habits with new ones, old routines with new ones, and since I can't really "replace" friends, I can add new ones for support and for supportING. As I told my son, eventually the pain of change subsides -- and like he told me, soon "it will be like nothing happened."

Change is constant. Time moves on whether you're on task or not. I can sit here in 365 days, still pining for what was lost ... what I should have done, what I could have done, or I can get off my butt and work it for those 365 days, and be a better person, spiritually, physically, and emotionally in the same amount of time it took me to do nothing.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v SERENE.ONE
    Your blog is very touching. I hope your son gets adjusted to the new school soon. I liked the way you communicate with your son. I hope to have the patience like you. All the best to you.
    2121 days ago
  • v FANCYFACEOHMAI
    Thanks ParkerB2 and JanVivaldi. That is much appreciated. I like that "stop shoulding all over yourself." Y'all have a great weekend.
    2122 days ago
  • v PARKERB2
    emoticon for a great blog. Have a good weekend and a good Labor Day. emoticon
    2122 days ago
  • v JANVIVALDI
    Great blog and very honest. My friend always tells me to "stop shoulding all over myself"
    three most damaging words in the world
    Shoud could would
    Keep it up! emoticon
    2122 days ago
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