Thursday, September 02, 2010
Recently, an incredibly supportive Spark friend was nervous about an upcoming event. My two cents for having fun instead of letting nerves get the best of her -- fake it til you make it. After her event, she reported that it worked, and she had a good time.
Isn't it amazing that we can trick ourselves into having a good time? We have so much influence over our own emotional reactions to things -- even when it feels like situations are getting the best of us, it is OUR mindsets that determine our responses.
I'm particularly conscious of this right now, as I (continue to) struggle with my Mom in the wake of Dad's death. Because her life feels out of control, she wants to control everything around her...and since I'm the child who is in town, I'm often the one at her house, to help. Which means I'm often in the line of fire. Given my complicated relationship with my Mom, I often react and play out my part in the same way I have since I was a kid -- defiant, angry, hurt. Not a great combination when I'm there to help.
And, the truth is, I want to help...and she needs help. But I struggle with wanting my help to come from a loving place without being disrespected in the process. And, yes, even with an ailing Mother, being treated with respect is a minimum expectation. At the same time, I am absolutely bringing my own attitude to the table right now, by waiting for the slightest sign of disrespect. I'm watching for it, defensively...and when you come at life from that attitude, you're bound to find exactly what you're looking for. So I am creating part of the dynamic, too.
So my goal for myself right now is to take my own advice...and fake it til I make it. I will go into my interactions with my Mother anticipating nothing but love and respect from her. By going into her home with that energy (even if I'm faking it) I really think it will change the dynamic between the two of us.
I'll let you know how it goes.