I must confess something.
I was completely dreading, avoiding, ignoring, and trying desperately to forget about opening my closet to figure out what I am going to wear on my first day back to school tomorrow. Last Spring, I was wearing only baggy linen capris with an elastic waist, because that's all that I could fit into. I had two pairs -- one in black and one in gray. I had baggy linen tops to complete the outfit. Though the clothes really were nice, I still felt like a hippo wearing them. I couldn't fit into any of my cute skirts or colorful summer frocks or tops. I didn't even put shorts on this summer...because, you guessed it. None fit.
Given that tomorrow is D-Day (no kids until after Labor Day), I can put it off no longer. I don't want to start the first day stressed and grumpy and frustrated -- if it's going to happen, I might as well be prepared and give myself at least a small chance to figure out a PLAN B. And, knowing me, it's best NOT to problem solve at the last minute (which always makes things 5 million times worse). I have this vision (nightmare, more like) of me tomorrow morning, standing in front of my closet. I take out a skirt, put it on, and struggle to to zip it. I can't, so I throw it on the floor. Repeat until I'm breaking into a sweat, there are no skirts left in the closet, and a big pile of now wrinkly clothes on the floor. Forget the tops -- if no skirt fits, what's the point of trying on a top? The only one who wouldn't laugh or run away if they saw me naked (even only the top half!) is probably my cat.
You know where this is going, right? Read on.
Every skirt fits! Not just one, not just two -- EVERY! They're not tight, but there's not a of a lot of room either. Put it this way -- I could slip a popsicle stick (maybe 2) between myself and the skirt, but probably not a remote control. (No, there is no reason whatsoever for me to put a remote down the waist of my skirt, but you get the gist, right?) I didn't try to tuck -- don't have to. For now, untucked is okay. That, I am brave enough to try tomorrow morning. They will fit even better as soon as I get these last 5 or so pounds off. WHo knows, maybe I'll go for 10. (One step at a time, Ali, one step at a time!)
At some point during the last 10 days or so, lots of things started to click -- my nutrition awareness (not just calories, but also how to balance the food groups), my exercise plan (not just cardio, but also strength building exercise), my big effort to nip my negative thinking in the bud and replace it with positive affirmations every morning. (Honestly, that's been the hardest part for me -- AND I'm doing it!)
I feel in control. (If you only knew how hard it is not to add a "but"...)
Time to distract myself...
I am thrilled! I am proud of me! I am so pumped to keep going! Most importantly, I can exhale, rest easier, breathe a sigh of relief, and maybe even have a good dream tonight knowing that when I open my closet tomorrow morning that everything will be okay. (Just watch, I'll get a flat tire on the way to work!)
Thank you, my new SparkFriends, for "getting it" -- makes all the difference in the world!