Monday, August 23, 2010
I started this weight loss journey with one goal in mind- to get as fierce and fabulous on the outside as I knew I was on the inside. What I found is that getting to Diva status and having a healthy lifestyle was not just about sweating out my hairdo running laps, or being calorie conscious and eating right. As the pounds started peeling off MY body, I realized I wasn't getting any lighter. My inner diva was buried, hidden, make that SMOTHERED by pound, upon pound of negativity and insecurity. She was literally drowning in a sea of dead weight- and NONE of it was on my 5 foot 7 frame. The heaviness, the faithlessness, the bitterness was coming from my..."friends"?
When I first realized that I needed to not only release the extra weight on my body but the extra weight certain people were putting on my spirit as well...I was in a state of shock. This weight loss thing was supposed to be about external changes- getting to Kim Kardashian levels of hotness. All this emotional upheaval was not expected or particularly welcome. So I pushed it aside, ignored it and ran a few extra laps. But the thing is, when your spirit speaks to you, you can't NOT listen. And the more I tried to silence that little voice, the louder it spoke. Until I had no choice but to listen to what it was saying. And so began a process of tending to my emotional garden, and pulling the weeds. It wasn't easy, but it was essential. And when I was done and I took a look around, things were bright, and light and beautiful and my spirit was quiet and content.
Now I'm not suggesting you guys run out and make all new friends and disown your family...but I'm sure that 99% of you are holding onto at least one "friend" or family member that does damage to you and your spirit. You know them, they are the person who popped into your head right now. That person who makes your shoulders slump, and your head hang and your stomach twist into knots. That person that makes you break out all your best defensive moves b/c you know you're gonna need them when they come around. Or they just cause chaos and confusion...your man/woman doesn't like them, your other friends don't like them, you can't go anywhere with them w/out some drama popping off and its exhausting. That person that just makes you sick...and yet you hold on. Stop the madness! Let Them Go!
When I first started pulling weeds, I used some general criteria. The following types of people had to go immediately.
~ Negative people. The type of person that constantly, consistently rains on your parade. You can have the most amazingly divine day of your life, share it with them and they will find SOMETHING negative to say to bring you and your spirit down. Leave them to their negativity and move on. Negative energy attracts negative energy. How can you expect to be positive when you surround yourself w/negativity?
~ Scallywags, trollops, and hoe's. Oh yeah, I went there. If you feel like you can't leave your man around them unattended for even five minutes to go to the restroom, because you know they'll be on him like a crackhead on a glass pipe, its time to let that go. So what if you've been down since '93...if you can't trust her not to stab you in the back, what are keeping her around for? Also...people DO judge you by the company you keep. Are you a trollop? Then why are you hanging w/trollops? Think about it.
~Scene Stealer. You know the type. The one that you call in tears to vent about your bad day to...and before you finish your first sentence, the conversation has circled around to them. Their day, their issues, their needs. The me, me, me type of friend, the kind of self centered person who can't even begin to focus on you and what you're going through. They are always looking to take from you, to vent to you, to lean on you...but when its your time of need, they are nowhere to be found. Let them go.
~Blue Ribbon Winners. You know the type. EVERYTHING becomes a competition. They don't care if you're doing bad- as long as they are doing better its all good in the hood. That's not friendship and that's not healthy. There's a difference between competition and inspiration. One uplifts you, the other drags you down. Friends should support and encourage each other. If they need to compete, tell them to go on American Idol or the Amazing Race, but to beat feet out of your area. They mean you no good.
~Dream Killers. Now this gets dicey, but if you have a goal or an aspiration and your friend/loved one will not support you...they might need to go. Now your dream is something completely ridonkulous (no not ridiculous, ridonkulous) like wanting to play in the NBA...but you have no skills...then a true friend will gently encourage you to pursue other options. But if your dream is say, running your own restaurant, and all they do is tell you the many ways you can, AND WILL, fail...maybe you need to part ways. If you surround yourself with people who do not believe you, you will eventually stop believing in yourself.
Trust me, I know that sometimes we keep people in our lives because we have history with them. Or we are terrified of change or being alone. Being alone is nowhere near as painful as being with people who make you FEEL as if you are alone. And its ok to let go with grace. You don't need the dramatic goodbye scene...you don't need a dramatic break up. Acknowledge who they were to you, be thankful for whatever good times there were and let go with peace and grace. Now they may to try to come back...but close the gate on your garden. When you get rid of the weeds, the flowers are so much more beautiful. You notice them more, appreciate them, tend to them more lovingly. Focus on your flowers my buddies...cut them weeds lol. :)