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    RAEB84   7,312
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Emotional wreckage


Friday, August 20, 2010

So, yesterday I was a bit emotional. I was annoyed, because one of my friends bailed on me last minute (and he isn't a very good liar, even on text, so I know he was bailing so he and his roomie could go out by themselves--why are boys dumb and feel the need to lie? Ok, off topic), and I still cry any time I think about my uncle (or anytime I even read the word "cancer" and the book I read yesterday had the heroine's high school sweetheart die of cancer--bawled). Since I was already upset with my friend and felt rejected, reading about the cancer thing just made me cry harder.

It was interesting to feel how emotion made me want to eat though. My mouth starts salivating when I cry like that (i.e., a lot). I'm not sure it is food salivation, it is just that I build up saliva--and that makes me want to eat. I really do think that is what it is. It wasn't that I was really hungry, but I wanted to eat so badly. Preferably macaroni and cheese (my go-to comfort food), which I haven't eaten, or even wanted, in more than 6 weeks! Unusual for me to go that long without it. It just seems like it is a learned thing, or maybe it is even a normal thing for everyone--most women I know what something to eat when they are sad and crying.

I'm still feeling the effects a little bit. My cravings are the worst they have been in probably a month, and I would love to just go home and sleep. Actually, I might do that tonight anyway. I still need to catch up on sleep. Not even caffeine is doing it for me at the moment. Granted, I haven't had lunch yet, so maybe that is it too.

Now I'm just babbling. I am just surprised at the emotional thing. I'm not overly upset anymore, at least not mentally, but physically I still feel the effects of having wanted to eat something bad for me.

Otherwise though, I feel quite good today. Here are my numbers that I said I was going to do daily:

Today's:
Energy Level - 3.5 (1-5, 5 being high) - definitely tiredness though
Sleep Quality - 5 (1-5, 5 being high)
Sleep Quantity - 8 hours last night (total hours) - woohoo! First time in almost 2 weeks
Stress Level - 3 (1-5, 5 being high), this is pretty consistent
Hunger Level - 2 (1-5, 5 being very hungry)
Self-Esteem Level - 4 (1-5, 5 being high), pretty good overall, I feel like I look good and I feel trimmer lately and my pants are still a little saggy :-)
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