After a day in SD with my friend the nutritionist, I was talked into an all raw detox. She made me promise to eat enough calories every day while I was detoxing, and I agreed to try it for a week. Initially I was really excited about the idea of eating pretty much as MUCH as wanted of ANY fruit or veggie. It occured to me that in my calorie counting I have been depriving myself of the whole foods, fruits, and veggies that I crave. Instead of eating "high calorie" nutrient dense foods I have been filling up on chemical replacements for food.
I made it through yesterday on only raw plants, and even went out with friends last night to a concert in the park and managed to pass on beer and wine. It felt great. But when I got home I wanted to binge, I wanted to binge SO BADLY. Luckily I hadnt had anything to drink so I managed to keep myself from it, but it made me realize that its not the drinking that makes me want to binge. Nope, its how I deal with my feelings of inadequacy, how I treat my anxiety. That makes the binging problem much more difficult than before to fix. A drunk lock on the fridge won't make me stop hating myself and wanting to eat until I don't feel it anymore. Who knew a day of detox could teach me something.
But, I decided this morning not to carry on with the detox. I missed food. But, it did make me more aware of my bad diet decisions. So, I am going to try to work more whole fruits and veggies into my diet. There is no reason to deprive myself of sweet potatoes. If I were trying to live on just fruits and veggies I would NEED the calories from a sweet potato. So if I want to eat one, I can eat one. I probably should have stuck it out a little longer, but I wanted a real breakfast this morning, not just a pile of fruit. So I had an egg sandwich AND a pile of fruit, and now I feel great.