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    RANDIHEATHER   13,211
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Feelings of being ignored

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It is silly I guess, but I feel like people ignore me. I feel as though I really don't matter to most people. When I try to be part of a conversation, people either talk right over me as though I'm not there or laugh/make a smart remark about what I said. Ya wanna know what's really lame? When I comment on other peoples' facebook pages, most of the time people ignore it...but when someone responds also (maybe to the same status), their comment is responded to. Several times I have deleted what I've said, just because I never become part of the conversation...it's as though I never said anything. It happens at work too...I even find it happening on this site sometimes. I could be in the middle of a conversation with someone and another person walks up and starts talking right over me, thus taking the person I was talking to somewhere else and once again...what I was saying goes unsaid... It really hurts my feelings when I ask a question that gets ignored. Do I really not count? Is what I'm saying really not important?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDITH1654 8/23/2010 12:45AM

    That's happened to me so many times, I know exactly how you feel. Know what I do? Walk away and shake the dust from my feet. Most people don't know how to truly listen and I think that is what happens - they're not really listening to you, just thinking about what THEY want to say. Don't even give those people a second thought. It's not worth the energy. I've learned to become my own best friend and the few that I allow into my inner circle show and reciprocate respect. You'll find them, too.

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DMURPH409 8/17/2010 12:10PM

    I'm right there with you! Same thing happens to me... I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but when I do have something to add to a conversation it's as though I was speaking a foreign language. Recently I posted on my Facebook account a few pictures of my a year ago compared today and added that I've lost 38 pounds so far. Do you know how many of the 100+ friends commented on the pictures... ZERO!! None of my so called 'friends' could even fake a 'great job' or 'way to go'. I got nothing!!! When I posted them here on Spark, at least I got 4 or 5 comments. I'm at the point now where I'm in this for the betterment of A number 1... ME. I'm getting healthy for myself... not to impress others. If others don't find me interesting enough to talk to... I say screw it! You're not alone in this battle Randi, don't forget that! Best of luck to you!!

Comment edited on: 8/17/2010 12:33:58 PM

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CINNAMONGURL06 8/17/2010 11:22AM

    I have to agree with everyone else- it happens to all of us- sadly though some of us more than others. Growing up, my sisters were the "queens" of making me feel small. Whenever we had a family gathering and everyone would tell stories or jokes and it would come time for me to say something they would either cut me off or cut me down and like you, I would just "wither away" and feel hurt.

As I became an adult, there are still people that have done this to me- friends, co-workers, etc. But, the difference is that I am learning (still doesn't work for me everytime) to not be pressed down by this people. A lot of times, the people that do this are unhappy and/or overcompensating for something that is missing in them- so it makes them feel "bigger" to dig on someone who they can see has a good heart and/or is just a generally all around good person (we are easy targets).

Basically, you have to get to a point of loving yourself (one of the reasons we are all here) and realize that you are of value and worthy to be loved/respected by friends, family, who ever- and any people that don't fit into that bill- can be eliminated from your life. You shouldn't continue to surround yourself with people who don't add to your life- finding like-minded people that appreciate all your finer points- is much healthier.

Just know that you aren't alone. Take care and feel free to vent to me any time you need. I know how much encouragement and support on Spark means to me, and it makes me feel good to return the favor. Have a wonderful day! emoticon emoticon

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DOGMOMMY 8/15/2010 10:27PM

    I hear you, and totally know what you are talking about. I don't have any stellar words of wisdom, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who feels this way. I think what helps me is finding a few close, true friends. I stopped wasting my time on all the fake relationships and focused on the few that truly matter to me, the people who do listen and care about what i have to say.

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RANDIHEATHER 8/15/2010 5:57PM

    Thanks for the really kind comments. I didn't realize there were others who felt the same way. The only reason I haven't deleted facebook is because I like the way I can sync it with my phone and get phone numbers, etc. Other than that, if someone ignores me, I delete them now. Silly as that sounds, but it is almost my way of saying...yeah screw you too. Sometimes people come back and ask why I did it and I tell them exactly why. Oh well. I've come to learn that a lot of things need to be done alone. I would LOVE to have someone to do these 5ks with, but the fact remains that no one really wants to and those who say they do never commit. I will continue to grab my iPod, running shoes, and confidence...head out to the events and get in my own world with hopes of beating my previous times. I'm trying so hard to get people locally to run with me, but unfortunately, the MS Gulf Coast team doesn't have a lot of response. I am usually a positive and upbeat person who hates to see others down. I do whatever I can to make others feel better about themselves. Hell, I've actually gone to the movies alone, because I didn't have anyone to go with. It was a matinee...I'm thinking about doing this again...it was kind of nice by myself I think. haha

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AMAS92568 8/15/2010 1:03PM

    There is some really good advice in the previous responses. I really like the one about finding a smaller team in which you can really be a participant. This has helped me.

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MOMMYHOUSEWIFE 8/15/2010 11:00AM

    I almost burst into tears because there's finally someone out there that understands the same ignored feelings. I'll be adding you to my small group of SparkFriends. I have no advice. only understanding. emoticon

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COOPAH 8/15/2010 9:25AM

    Sorry did you say something?.....jk

I feel the same way. I have had the same thing happen to me, I think it happens to us all. At least I hope it does or WTH is wrong with me now!

emoticon

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TAMLKING 8/15/2010 8:07AM

    People can be so incredibly rude. I've had it happen to me as well, and I've gotten to the point where I will interrupt them and say "excuse me, we were talking".

I typically don't feel like people really notice me, either. I tend to be quiet and soft-spoken, but I'm not timid or shy. Ignore the rudeness, there are plenty of people out there that think you are super special!
emoticon

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MEL_UNRAU 8/15/2010 7:44AM

    Oh, sweetie! I am so sorry. I feel that way too sometimes. I am such a shy person IRL that when I do try and make conversation with people, it seems like people are shocked to hear my voice and don't know what to say to me. I don't believe in telling fibs and so perhaps am a bit socially inept... but I hate feeling ignored and it happens all the time. I am truly sorry that you feel that is happening here on SP. This is one of the few places that I don't feel ignored. I am so sorry. I agree with Helen, finding a smaller team to be a part of might be a good idea, so you are a face with a name, not just a number...

Blessings!

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RANDIHEATHER 8/15/2010 2:25AM

    Thank yall for the kind words. I do have the confidence to stand up for myself, which is why I am also a b*tch in some peoples' eyes. I just get tired of feeling like a weird outcast. The stuff online bothers me because it just piles onto being ignored in person...ya know? I talk all the time to some people...I guess it's cause I don't really have anyone to talk to. I don't have that close group of friends or even a close friend. I try to stay in touch with people who live nearby...but it doesn't seem to work out. Even my close friends (when I was in college) don't even have time for me anymore...oh well...maybe it's self pity?

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FLAMINGOLESLIE 8/15/2010 2:21AM

    I totally understand what you are saying! I read an article once that talked about women becoming "invisible" after turning a certain age and I found that to be very true! Used to when I said something, EVERYONE really listened and payed attention, now it's like I don't even exist! And that is SO rude for someone to talk over someone else that is already talking! HA! I don't know what to do about it either! Hate that it's happening to you but glad to know it's not only me!!!! emoticon

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STEPPNSTRONG 8/15/2010 2:17AM

  I've noticed you! Feeling ignored really cuts to the core - your self-worth is given a body blow. Standing up for yourself when someone cuts in on a conversation can be difficult if you're not confident too - pointing out that someone has been rude can often feel rude in itself.

As far as the online world - try to take that with a grain of salt. I know I leave things onscreen, ready to get back to, get sidetracked with the family, it hits bedtime & I shut down without even looking at what was left undone. Around here, in particular, there are SOOOOO many people, the numbers are ridiculous!!! Maybe find a really small team that suits you, somewhere that you're not part of "the masses".

Take care sweetie.
_____
Helen

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