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    SLENDERELLA61   140,454
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Familiar Awful Feelings

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Saturday morning I woke up and grabbed something to wear out of my closet, not thinking. I could hardly button it and it didn't feel comfortable at all. Old familiar feelings came rushing back to me, as I took it off and looked for something a little less snug.

For years and years I'd wake up and carefully choose something out of my closet that fit that day. My closet had many sizes. How I felt about myself that day was heavily influenced by what I fit into. (Not that I think it should be that way, but it was.... )

When what I expected to wear didn't fit, I got this awful feeling in my stomach -- a sick feeling, a guilty feeling. I had not felt those emotions in more than a year and a half, as I went from a size 2X to a size 4.

Saturday I had those awful feelings, plus a certain feeling of surprise and disbelief. It was all too familiar.

But this time was different. I knew that less than a week before everything had fit. I knew just a few days of being a little more committed to eating healthy (I was still working out on schedule) would get me back where I want to be.

And I'm glad to report, I'm almost there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYMAC45 8/12/2010 9:51PM

    Been there, done that. You are a role model for me. You should be so proud of what you have accomplished. I wish I could be more like you. Love your blogs.

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DAMOTIVATION 8/12/2010 7:43PM

    Similar times for me. I have allowed piles of work and stress to take a toll.

I do believe that my weight gain is a relapse, but does not represent a defeat. The fear I have is actually a good tool to remind me to never return to that awful place of self-neglect. It is a constant struggle, but the knowledge of having triumphed and come so far is powerful. It gives me a huge "WTF" shot in the arm when things get too out of hand.

I may have pushed the size 4s to the back of the closet, but they will see the light of day again. It helps to see others are walking a similar path...we are too strong in spirit to let it spiral out of control. Those days are over!

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PARKERB2 8/12/2010 10:34AM

    emoticon on jumping back on and getting back to your goal.

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JOYINKY 8/12/2010 5:58AM

    Good Morning Marsha, I've enjoyed your blogs and posts for some time now; we have so much in common! I know that feeling well, we have so much in common; our journey and maintenance. For me, vigilance is a lifetime commitment. I don't even own a scale anymore, the fit of my clothes is a better measure. Thanks for all you share here on SP, you are an inspiration!

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SLIMLILA 8/12/2010 2:11AM

    I know those feelings from years and years... and I too haven't been feeling them in the 8 months I have been on SP, but tonite, I notice things are tight, blame it on today's stress, but I'm with you.... I've got to get in control of this and not go back to those awful feelings....

I've heard it said there's a 2-3 lb. weight watch and I know as a young woman I used a 5 lb. weight watch.... when I was up 5 lbs., I cut back on food til the weight fell back, so for a few decades I didn't let that rule control me, but I think I really seriously need to.

You go girl, you've come so far, I know that ...this too shall pass! emoticon emoticon Lila

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TEXASG-MA 8/11/2010 11:47PM

  Glad you are getting back to where you need to be. Isn't SP a wonder place to be when you feel like you have trouble. I know that feeling you are talking about and hate it. Wishing you all the best on your goals to get back where you want to be.
emoticon emoticon

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MONTY68 8/11/2010 11:44PM

    Hi Marsha
Sometimes I think it is good to get that old feeling as a reminder that is not who we are, You had made plans, the adjustment came and it's coming off. Your blogs reinforced the thought I had when I wrote my blog on eat to live. I had thoughts reminding me before I ate something.
When someone has developed new good habits as you have, the new awareness comes much quicker to remind us we need to do something now.
You have done a fantastic job getting to this point and those lessons learned will be with you forever.
Thank you for sharing this.

Monty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LALASLAND 8/11/2010 10:47PM

    Hey, it works now! My computer (not your blog) wouldn't let me comment from work today! You are going to MAKE it, and I know it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PO_PAZZA 8/11/2010 10:14PM

    Remember when we used to cave in to those familiar feelings? We'd eat to compensate. Now we merely feel the feeling and get back to work on our healthy selves. This incident was an important test of how attitudes truly have changed. We know we COULD slide back, but we WON'T.


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TBRANCH2 8/11/2010 10:05PM

    I am proud of you and all that you have accomplished!! You are my role model!! I certainly wish I had your will power and stamina!!! I am going through a lot of stress this summer and it has really taken its toll. Hopefull, this fall, maybe when the temps drop some, I will be able to get some self control back!!??!!! I am not giving up and am pushing, pushing, pushing but, sometimes...... That is when I think of you and keep going! Thanks!!

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EILEENV3 8/11/2010 8:24PM

    Isn't it great that you don't have to add mental weight back on when the scale is temporatily not your friend.

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KALIGIRL 8/11/2010 1:28PM

    Glad to hear you're back on track. As you've said before - you are not going back there!

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WALKINGANNIE 8/11/2010 1:19PM

    Once again, congratulations on your control Marsha. That old familiar feeling could well have signalled disaster. You have really got this sorted now.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AQUAGIRL08 8/11/2010 12:51PM

    I'm so glad that you are right on top of it. It's so scary that it could happen that fast! Wow! I guess when your schedule is changing and you are working, you have to change the timing on your workouts. I'll have to keep that in mind! Thanks for sharing.

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/11/2010 12:09PM

    Glad this time was different and you jumped back on the wagon

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SHIRLEYSAUL 8/11/2010 10:37AM

    Keep up the good work. emoticon

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PARKERB2 8/11/2010 10:33AM

    Sounds like you have picked yourself back up after a brief fall. Hang in there. emoticon

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DONNABRIGHT 8/11/2010 9:55AM

    Awesome blog! That is a critical lesson to learn - to pay attention to the little things before they turn in to big things!

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JUST_TRI_IT 8/11/2010 9:52AM

    What a good feeling to have when you know you are in control of the next step!!! Congrats on being almost there :)

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JHADZHIA 8/11/2010 8:04AM

    This time it is different because you have accepted a healthy lifestyle. You just have to get used to the changes in your life and find a way to adapt, which you are doing. Wonderful to hear you are finding a way! Never giving up is what makes you so successful!!
Well done Marsha!!

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/11/2010 7:04AM

    Susie has some wise words there! Yes, schedule changes and stress can be a factor. Sounds like you have a great handle on it, though! Get right on it, don't let it slide.

emoticon emoticon Maintainers are emoticon

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BESTSUSIEYET 8/11/2010 6:43AM

    Those old feelings can flood over us - like they were just waiting for us to be vulnerable! As you transition back to working more days, you'll soon find the way to maintain healthy habits. Life is about change, and we have to learn to adjust as the changes come. I have no doubts that you will manage just fine. God Bless You today!!

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NUTRON3 8/11/2010 6:41AM

    Great job in not giving up!

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