Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Today I feel as though I have slid back a bit mentally. I had a lousy day at work and then went to the gym to work out in my group challenge class. We do circuit training and almost everything we had to do made me feel like "the fat girl" because I couldn't do many of the things. I HATED the feeling that I was standing out because I had to do modifications and even some of those I couldn't do because of my IT (ilio-tibial) Band Tendonitis. I couldn't do some of the same ball weights or dumbbell weights the others could and I couldn't do jumping jacks because of my knee or squats because it was aggravating my tendonitis. I know everyone is different and at different places. It just made me feel like the "fat girl" and I just wanted SO BAD to run the heck out of there, but I finished the class.
My trainer asked me afterwards what was going on and I told him how I was feeling like the fat girl and can't wait for the end of the challenge because I am not enjoying it. We talked for a few minutes and then later came over to me and he said he respected my feelings, but to trust him because I am offering something to the class. I felt my feelings (like a failure; fat girl; wanting to run, leave the gym; and eat to stuff my feelings) this time and did not run from them. While I was "sitting with those feelings" I stayed at the gym and worked out on the seated bike after the class.
Staying at the gym paid off. Not only did I burn more calories, but I used the foam roller on my leg with the tendonitis and felt some relief. I took care of myself in a healthy way.
When I got home I had a protein shake with frozen fruit and did not stuff my feelings. Instead I am blogging now and am letting go. As a result I am not feeling like a failure or as much like a fat girl.
Today I accepted and felt my feelings and I didn't run from them or stuff them with food. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity for me to continue to take good care of my mind and my body.