I have been away from spark people for a while now. I just don't seem to have the time to be on the website like I used to. I have so much stuff going on. And life keeps getting in the way. On the plus side...at least now I do have a life to speak of. A year ago I really had almost nothing of a life. I was only working part time...I was single. And with friends living so far away I almost never went out. Now...after almost a year on spark I am now working full time...I have an amazing boyfriend who I spend as much time with as I can. And trying to spend time with Mara before school starts...I find that I don't have any time for the computer whatsoever anymore. I check Facebook quickly in the morning and at work if I get the chance...otherwise I'm not on the computer much at all.

But I also don't have enough time for working out either. I wake up...make mara breakfast...get in the shower, get myself ready for work, dinner. Then Mara goes to daycare and I go to work. No time for exercise...and that also means I have resorted back to old eating habits...sort of. I find myself now grabbing fast food because I don't have time to pack a lunch. I have gained some weight back again. I keep saying I am starting over...about 30 times a day. Its just so hard when there is no time to take care of me. I try to weigh my options...would I rather workout or spend little bit of free time with the people I love...and right now I'd rather be with people. Once school starts and Mara is back in school I will have time to workout. I'll be able to get out and run like I want. I do miss the running alot but I think I'd miss Mara and Joe more if I chose running over them. Once summer is over and things start to slow down a little more I will go back to running. I will get myself back into the swing of things. So right now my main goal is to NOT gain tons of weight back. I have a wedding in sept and I have to make sure my dress still fits! I tried it on yesterday and I still have room but hopefully I won't need the room! This is just so hard. I want to still be sparking but I haven't figured out how to balance things. I can't spark every day...I don't want counting calories to run my life. I don't want to get obsessive about working out. I am going to not count calories anymore...I just can't do it. It makes me absolutely crazy. I am just going to listen to my body and just make smarter food choices. But for right now I am going to be honest with myself and with anyone reading this. I know I am going to gain a few more lbs this summer. The fact is that right now I am not trying to lose weight. I'm ready for whatever number pops up on the scale whenever I decided to get back on the wagon. I am ready to have to lose whatever it was I have gained. I take full responsibility for whatever happens. I'm not blaming anyone else for my weight anymore. I won't leave spark people completely and I will try to check in whenever I can but for right now I won't be on that much. Until things slow down a bit I have to do whats right for me. I love my spark friends dearly but I have people in my life that mean more to me than anything! So please don't think I have left you if you don't see me here for a week or so. I'm still here...I am finally just living my life I so desperately wanted!