It's officially WEEK 10. This morning during Boot Camp, after 45 minutes of intense cardio and leg work Sarge R. took us outside to perform deep Lunges up a steep one-block hill located next to the gym.
Just in case I haven't mentioned it enough in the past, I HATE lunges.
#1. I'm bad at them
#2. They hurt my knees
#3. They're hard, and hard things remind me how out of shape I STILL am!
So, after I made it up the hill about half way, it started raining. Of course!
Then, when I finally ran down to the bottom of the hill, Sarge announced we were to REPEAT the entire exercise. UGH!
Half-way up the second time, I stumbled, and to avoid falling on my knees, I fell on my outstretched hands hence receiving a lovely sidewalk-burn.
Meanwhile, to add insult to injury, the 'newbie recruit' in our class had the nerve to pass me up! Oh, the inhumanity! I picked myself back up angrily and ungracefully groaned all the way to the top while continuing to brood over the injustice.
Later, I realized this small drama epitomizes my entire fitness and health attitude right now. I'm moving reluctantly, slowly, sluggishly, rebelliously forward. Groaning and Grumbling all the way. In fact, I'm not so sure I am actually moving forward at all. It's more like I'm just "making motions" while stuck in Neutral Gear. What's up with that?!
WEDNESDAY: I literally couldn't get out of bed. I skipped Boot Camp, called in sick to work, and slept until 3 PM without waking once. In fact, I probably would have slept all the way through until the next day if a thunder storm and my howling dog hadn't rudely interrupted me.
THURSDAY: I managed to drag my butt into work where I inched my way through about half of the urgent things on my desk. Several co-workers, and even my boss, commented on how "tired" I looked. Great.
FRIDAY: I skipped Boot Camp for a second day in one week [a first all-time low]. I managed to make it into the office, not because I wanted to, but because there were deadlines. I was sluggish and miserable all day. That night, JMan and I were kid-free. Hooray! We decided to have a date night and try to get me out of my slump. At the restaurant, JMan ordered a salad and healthy sandwhich, which for some reason irritated the CRAP out of me, so I completely ignored the "healthy" section of the menu and ordered what I really wanted; A giant melted mushroom cheese burger. WITH fries. AND fry sauce. AND I topped it off with a chocolate chip raspberry shake.
After that, we decided to rent a Redbox movie conveniently attached to a Walgreen's where I celebrated my further decent into depravity by visiting the candy aisle, and where I purchased, and later consumed, an entire Movie-Sized box of licorice dots [containing a whopping 5 servings which amounts to over 600 calories...but, who's counting...].
Did I enjoy my Ruinous Rampage? Totally
Was it worth it? Well, of course not!
#1. I felt like puking afterwards
#2. I had successfully and completely sabotaged my entire weekend.
By now, I was just depressed with myself, so I naturally chose to take the fatalistic "Aw-to-HECK-with-it" approach.
SATURDAY: I slept in again- until noon. I did a half-hearted attempt to clean my bathroom and kitchen - skipped the vacuuming entirely, and ended up sitting in front of my TV watching, of all things, a Julia Roberts movie marathon. [Just for the record, I NEVER sit in front of my TV watching anything - let alone Julia Roberts movies] I don't even particularly LIKE Julia Roberts! OK. That's totally not true. What's not to like? I just personally don't like seeing her slim, fit, post-pregnancy 40-something body and giant infectious grin reminding me of my inadequacy...
Of course, all of this was just a huge evasion tactic from going on a walk with the dog and/or to the gym with JMan [who finally gave up on trying to coax, and did both without me].
SUNDAY: I tried for A Day of Repentance.
[operative word "tried" used here very loosely]
This consisted of getting up early = Good.
Skipping breakfast = BAD.
Attending Church = Good.
Singing = Good ... Food for the Soul.
Binging on 2 Hot pockets, some old abandoned ice cream found in the back of the freezer, half a package of crackers found in the cupboard... = SIGH......yes, once again back down the slippery slope...and, I'll just spare you the rest of that day.
So, now it's MONDAY. I have come clean, and shared my Confessional
#1. Possibly thinking it would make me feel better [not]
or, more likely
#2. Further indulging my whiny self.
I'm suffering from a major 'diet lapse hangover' = Painful and Definitely Not Pretty Woman.
The only positive thing I can say is that this morning I dragged my [now bigger] Butt back to Boot Camp, where Sarge R. [and my Butt] effectively reminded me of just how self-defeating and stupid I've been, and how much self-defeating stupidity costs.
In closing, one of my very own Mom Mantra's I've repeated for the past 19 years is:
"You can choose your actions, but you can't choose your consequences".
Note to [hypocrite Mom] self:
"You simply have no excuses. It's time to get up, face your consequences, and move up the freakin' hill!"
OK. Shutting Up Now.