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    PATRICIAANN46   356,038
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Friday, August 06, 2010

A different story about a class reunion.

I had prepared for it like any intelligent woman would.
I went on a starvation diet the day before, knowing that all the extra weight would just melt off in 24 hours, leaving me with my sleek, trim, high-school-girl body. The last forty years of careful cellulite collection would just be gone with a snap of a finger.
I gathered up all the goodies that I had purchased: the scented shower gel; the body building and highlighting shampoo and conditioner; the split-end killer and shine enhancer. Soon my hair would look like the shampoo ads.
Then the makeup---the under eye "ain't no lines here" firming cream, the all-day face-lifting gravity-fighting moisturizer with wrinkle filler spackle; the 'all day kiss me till my lips bleed, and see if this gloss will come off' lipstick, the bronzing face powder for that special glow.
But first, the roll-on facial hair removal. I could feel the wrinkles shuddering in fear.
Okay, time to get ready! I jumped into the steaming shower, soaped, lathered, rinsed, shaved, tweezed, buffed, scrubbed and scoured my body to a tingling pink.
I plastered my freshly scrubbed face with the anti-wrinkle, gravity fighting "your face will look like a baby's posterior" face cream. I set my hair on hot rollers.
I felt wonderful. Ready to take on the world. Or in this instance, my underwear. With the towel firmly wrapped around my glistening body, I pulled out the black lace, tummy-tucking, cellulite-pushing, ham hock-rounding girdle, and the matching "lifting those bosoms like they're filled with helium" bra.
I greased my body with the scented body lotion and began the plunge. I pulled, stretched, tugged, hiked, folded, tucked, twisted, shimmied, hopped, pushed, wiggled, snapped, shook, caterpillar crawled and kicked. Sweat poured off my forehead but I was done. And it didn't look bad.
So I rested. A well deserved rest, too.
The girdle was on my body. Bounce a quarter off my behind? It was tighter than a trampoline. Can you say, "Rubber baby buggy bumper buns?" Okay, so I had to take baby steps, and walk sideways, and I couldn't move from my buns to my knees. But I was firm!
Oh no.....I had to go to the bathroom. And there wasn't a snap crotch. From now on, undies gotta have a snap crotch. I was ready to rip it open and re-stitch the crotch with Velcro, but the pain factor from past experiments was still fresh in my mind. I quickly side-stepped to the bathroom.
An hour later, I had answered nature's call and repeated the struggle into the girdle. I was ready for the bra. I remembered what the saleslady said to do. I could see her glossed lips mouthing, "Do not fasten the bra in the front, and twist it around. Put the bra on the way it should be worn-----straps over the shoulders. Then bend over and gently place both breasts inside the cups.
Easy if you have four hands. But, with confidence, I put my arms into the holsters, bent over and pulled the bra down.....but the boobs weren't cooperating. I'd no sooner tuck one in a cup, and while placing the other, the first would slip out. I needed a strategy. I bounced up and down a few times, tried to dribble them in with short bunny hops, but that didn't work. So, while bent over, I began rocking gently back and forth on my heel and toes and I set 'em to swinging. Finally, on the fourth swing, pause, and lift, I captured the gliding glands. Quickly fastening the back of the bra, I stood up for examination. Back straight, slightly arched, I turned and faced the mirror, turning front, and then sideways. I smiled, yes, Houston, we have lift up!
My breasts were high, firm and there was cleavage! I was happy until I tried to look down. I had a chin rest. And I couldn't see my feet.
I still had to put on my panty hose and shoes. Oh....why did I buy heels with buckles?
Then I had to pee again.
So I put on my sweats, fixed myself a drink, ordered pizza, and skipped the high school reunion.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BENDER7 8/7/2010 7:41PM

    Loved it!

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SUNNY332 8/7/2010 8:49AM

    What a hoot!

Thanks for sharing this with us.

Hugs, Sunny

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FLAME42 8/6/2010 7:17PM

    I had recieved this by e-mail just days before my 50th HS reunion. I laughed so hard and promptly sent it off to several of my classmates that were coming to the reunion. It gave us something extra to talk about at the reunion (no one wore their sweats, but think some of us thought about it). The pictures it does paint in your mind are hilarious, enjoyed reading it again now that my reunion is over for this time.

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MCSNYDER1 8/6/2010 6:46PM

    OMG!!!! I have laughed so hard that I have to pee!!!!!!!!


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PENNYAN45 8/6/2010 5:29PM

    Hilarious!! Thanks for the belly laughs!! Some of those pictures you painted with words will stay with me for a while!!


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LINDAKAY228 8/6/2010 5:08PM

    That was sooooo funny!! I could just picture it!

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GRAMMIE1959 8/6/2010 3:45PM

    Way too funnie!

Thanx for the


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SHERYLDS 8/6/2010 3:13PM

    I almost peed in my pants.
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