3 Months and a Serious Loss later...
Monday, August 02, 2010
It was the last day of April 2010 when my brand new WiThings WiFi connected body composition analysis scale arrived. Imagine my excitement. To tell you the truth in difficult times like this it was not an easy decision financially-wise, not at first glance anyway. But having been in a long time struggle to see some real progress and having had ended up hating my previous electronic scale, I decided to replace it with this -more than a dreamy- contraption.
I decided to start weighing next morning, the first day of May 2010. Now try to imagine my shock when I stepped on the sleek glass surface only to find out that my weight had overnight jumped from a supposed 249 to a real and terrifying 273 LB.
A multitude of negative feelings darkened my heart and fogged my mind. I tried to imagine WWDD [a proven helpful technique to SILVERBACK Tim and to other close friends], but smashing the d@mn thing didn't look like a sound decision LOL.
Neither starting to run non-stop till I lost these extra 24 LB felt feasible, it would take me something like several days, and I do not possess the fighting gator DNA my lucky friend DACIUS does.
All my close Spark Friends faces passed through my mind, and the possibility of making them feeling "let down" by me was persistent. I sat down and relaxed to deep think over a cup of iced coffee.
"New Scale, New Measurements, New Measures" was the title of a blog never to meet the public eye. In brief, during the past three months I have focused exclusively on nutrition and rest, struggled for patience and perseverance, and kept track of my weight daily. Yes daily, for two reasons. First, to constantly "feel the heat" of the next day impending weigh-in, and second to build a character and gain a brand new perspective of accountability and "cool" towards the scale.
I can say now that things went rather good. Below you can compare the 3 last months difference to judge for yourselves.
Impressive yeah? A few things worth noticing.
Out of the 25 LB lost in total, only 5 came from lean mass and 20 from pure fat, a nice percentage considering the complete and willingly chosen lack of any exercise, during these three months. Taking into account the plateau that tormented me between Christmas and Easter, I knew I was really close to a relapse, so between the two "evils" i chose to focus on enjoying food and relaxation in place of trying harder and failing as I have had so many times before.
History proved me right.
Another thing to please me is that besides the fact that my BMI is still way over the healthy range [32.9 lies in the obese part of the range] both my lean mass and fat mass fall into the optimum zone.
An added plus is that I practically experienced no binges, persisting hunger or uncontrollable appetite and no mood swings even though I was not overexcited or overly happy. I read and cooked and logged all the food I was eating, myself, to eat what I liked perfectly prepared and to know exactly what it was costing me, nutrition wise. I enjoyed the whole process and learned a lot new tricks about cooking food and super sweets, along with mastering control over irresistible temptation. I consumed between 1600 and 2000 Cal. per day as both SparkPeople and King Tim proposed [30% Fat, 25+% Protein, 50-% Carbs]. I also tried to get 8 hours of sleep a night, I only managed to reach around 6 to 6:30 hours.
Now about the Serious Loss! Unfortunately it does not pertain to weight shedding, but to the sudden death of my dear friend -and neighbour from ever- Mary from across the street.
The shock I experienced was powerful and most painful. And I am not overreacting, I have experienced similar -if not more difficult- situations before.
But Mary was so healthy, lively, vibrant and full of energy that the shock was unbearable. The night before the departure we were chatting over cocktails in my garden and she was enjoying some healthy light canapés, my creation.
For once more in my life, I felt the futility and fragility of human existence and strangely enough I did not feel the slightest urge to succumb to comfort eating. Quite the opposite, I just wanted to cry, I tried to breath while crying and drink lots of fresh water. It lasted for several days, I was keeping Sparking in the meantime but in silent mode.
One last thing as a warm farewell to Mary in the Hands of the Angels. As you may have noticed my first blog ever was the one devoted to Mary's transition to her next life. I was very reluctant to blog as I do not feel I have achieved so much, or being so successful to be a paradigm to other people. Add to this the uncertainty of keeping my plan to reach my goal. I did not want to disappoint people who believe in me. But at the deepest point of my despair, the only people I wanted to share this, was you my friends! It felt like sharing with you would somehow alleviate the pain and believe it or not it did. At the moment there was no thinking, just pure instinctive Action. And it felt Good. And It Helped. Much more than expected!
Expect a blog dedicated to friendship and brotherhood, soon to follow.
For now a Sincere Thanks Girls and Guys.
Even though I am feeling deep blue, I promise you Victory.
Special Thanks to you MaryAnn DREMARGRL for consistently persisting and pushing me to break free and blog.
You were so Right, Dream Girl.
The following photo is wholeheartedly devoted to you!
I am breaking free beloved, and if I show signs of introversion, PLEASE feel free to kick some @$$, mine in particular.
Let's make it a Super August, shall we?
Andreas, currently a "Deep Blue" Liquid
Member Comments About This Blog Post
322 days ago
You are a wondeful amazing man! Please blog forever! Even after all these months I am so very sorry for your loss!
1496 days ago
Comment edited on: 11/1/2012 1:54:11 PM
I think I'm going to purchase a Withings scale, since it's possible to link it directly to my SparkPeople account. I agree with you that it's good honest accountability. I like to weigh myself daily, too, for the same reasons that you mentioned.
1931 days ago
Your weight loss since last May is very impressive, congratulations!!! I am so sorry for your loss. I too experienced a loss this year, my grandma died in August. I was good friends with her, before her stroke. She was in a nursing home for a few years because the stroke left her in a wheelchair, with dementia. She was really sweet, and she used to make stuffed toys for us children. I haven't been able to see her in a year because I have something contagious. I think about her every day, because I miss her, and because I am wearing her clothes. She loved to collect clothes, and when she went into the nursing home, almost all of her clothes were put into storage because they wanted her to wear looser clothes that were simply designed, so they could dress her more easily. Last summer, her clothes were finally sorted through and some were sent to my house. Sometimes I want to put them away, because I feel so sad not to see her or be able to call her. But then I think, I really need the clothes right now, and I should allow her to be helpful this last time. You know, give her that respect.
2162 days ago
You know what my wee Sparkie girlie Friend,
I could have written this blog myself, for these past few weeks i have been really struggling with everything! I've got myself looking back instead of forward, feeling sad instead of happy, feeling fat instead of healthy, feeling ashamed instead of proud, feeling unmotivated instead of motivated.
Why is it sooooo blooming well hard at times to stay focused?
Wishing you Loadsa Love, Laughter, Happiness and may the Sun Shine in yer wee Heart!
SheWolfs a Howlin' at the moon tonight.
2230 days ago
I saw where our friend Teeny had stopped by and read your blog on my friend feed. Sorry to say I missed this one too Andreas and glad I was able to stop on by and read it.
I whole heartedly agree with the other posts. We believe in you because we see your positive spirit and determination shining through in this blog and all of the encouragement you give so freely.
Blessings on your journey Andreas.
2238 days ago
thank you for sharing this! So sorry about the loss of your friend!
2238 days ago
How the heck did I miss this blog. [grumbles]
I just loved how open and free and honest it was and I love that it was all about you and how you feel about stuff and I have been so so so curious :). I always wondered why you didn't blog ['cause you are so amazing and awesomesauce and all] - but I am glad my bodacious, Dremagirl, convinced you. She so rocks.
Please continue to blog, gorgeous. I am lovin' it. Hang in there. Love the pics and totally adore you. XOXO
2238 days ago
How liberating for the heart and soul when you reach a point in life where it's okay to share your deepest feelings, pain, laughter, emotions, your whole being.
This will make all the difference on your journey, and even with the best tools, we will will not succeed without the true friendship and support we find here.
You are an amazing man, and on your way to achieve great personal success!
Whenever you feel you need just that extra bit of support, a lending hand, a shoulder to cry on... even though we are far apart, in heart and mind we are truly close!
You can do this Andreas, together, we can and we shall!!
2244 days ago
Comment edited on: 8/9/2010 8:16:02 PM
did not read this one, glad I did, thank you Andreas for your thoughts and actions. When it is light outside a bike ride for sure... Nudge, nudge All The best
2244 days ago
You never disappoint but you are your own harshest critic as many people are.
I am sorry you lost your sweet Mary. And I can certainly understand your concerns; we all are perplexed when something like this happens because often we suffer under the fallacy that we can control our own fates . Well, exercising, good nutrition does help most of us but sometimes things are just in the hands of divinity. It can be a shock to us all.
Do what you can, be proud of what you have achieved and soldier onwards. But above all be happy and enjoy your progress.
We are proud of you !!
2245 days ago
Powerful blog:) hugs
2247 days ago
Wow! You learned to feel and appreciate the feelings and your body responded. That is wonderful. I'm so glad to hear that you are rejoining us after your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
2248 days ago
You have persevered my friend. Endured. Fought through in a manner this reptile is astonished by.
We both find inspiration in the gadgets around us, the opinions of our closest friends and lastly we look deep within ourselves to push forward. And push forward you most certainly have!
In the past few months you have gained by sheer will and dedication to diet. You proved what the number 1 tool for becoming our equine healthy selves is to eat right, eat ENOUGH and stay steady.
Speaking of steady. You are a rock of gibriltal my friend. I could never imagine a loss like yours. You are truly my spirit guide my friend. You bring me balance in ways I could never imagine.
2249 days ago
Andreas, I've come back to this blog intending to write a comment three times. Maybe fourth's a charm?
Firstly, great job on wrestling with your electronic contraption, and congrats on your (weight) loss. Cooking and preparing your own food is such a satisfying thing - it's an exercise in planning, improvisation, and time and resource management, all of which I'm sure you have in abundance. During the summer, I cook for myself during the weekdays, and try to cook more than half the meals for the family on the weekends. I find it relaxing and an opportunity to cogitate on the day, and as an added bonus it is my way of giving my wife as much time off as I can.
Secondly, my continued condolences on your (great) loss. She sounds like she was a special lady, and she was lucky to have a friend like you.
Thirdly, no need to remain quiet. Your story, while you might not see it as such, is a strong inspiration to many here on SP. You have strong determination to finish a job once finished, and you've been working at it for a (long) time, and have achieved so much. Extrapolation to the future is always fraught with peril, however unless I've slipped a digit or two (I'm guessing your height at 1.88m based on your goal weight) you should be celebrating no longer being obese (and yes, I still HATE that word) in mid-September. Keep on working what you're working, and you'll get there!
Finally, WWDD? Pffft! WWAD! (Sorry, Gator...)
2250 days ago
Go Blue !!
I think punting the scale is a viable option !!
2250 days ago
Someone who cares as deeply and passionately about people and things as you do will never disappoint your true friends. We believe in you! Libbie
2250 days ago
You, my cherished friend, are the ! The liquid YOU ..... beyond compare. You are on this journey and growing, flowing every single minute of it, A. I admire you and agree with every word our friend D has uttered. I shall email you with my thoughts soon.......Thanks so much for giving me credit for my not-so-gentle nudge, but you are doing the work yourself! I've grown so fond you and your deep, gentle spirit. You keep fighting the good fight and I admire that. By the way, I love your blogs!!!!! From your favorite cheerleader.....Mary Ann (aka Dremargrl).
BY THE WAY, ANDREAS....I know that I speak for not only myself, but for our other good friends, too.......YOU HAVE NEVER AND WOULD NEVER DISAPPOINT US!!!!!We love you, A!!!!
2251 days ago
Such a beautifully written blog, Andreas. Congratulations on having the courage to write it and all of your successes to date! I understand where you are coming from with the blogging--I, too, don't blog very much as I don't have the victories that other people have, nor have a terribly vibrant story to tell. But YOU, my dear friend, absolutely have such an eloquent way of speaking and everything you say is from your heart (a rare thing, indeed). I love how you took this journey, in a somewhat private manner, and then felt the confidence to share it with us. Your plan was so thought out and you broke down every aspect of it (something I envy greatly). You are so deserving of huge applause for working so dilegently on your whole self, and not succumbing to the pitfalls of prior experiences. You PREVAILED, dear one! When you said that despite your intense grief, you felt no urge to turn to food, I let out a loud yelp of praise! THAT IS AWESOME!! You could NEVER disappoint anyone, Andreas. You are one of the most sincere people I have ever met, and every single person who calls you friend is a better person for knowing you. Thanks so much for sharing such a wonderfully personal blog about your struggles, your pain, your successes and your victories that the scale can't show. You are arriving, one day at a time....
2251 days ago
Very nice blog and glad to see you back! You are welcome and thank you for being a friend as well!
I am going to have to do some research on this scale of yours. It has intrigued me.
Fun fact for the day: I do daily weigh-ins as well and enjoy doing so...
2251 days ago
Comment edited on: 8/2/2010 12:13:07 PM
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.