Thursday, July 29, 2010
Chapter 1: About God
1. On page 22, author Geneen Roth writes that she turned to Hostess Sno Balls the same year she gave up on God. Do you turn to food for comfort, sweetness and the feeling that you matter?
Yes, I do turn to food for comfort. I know I still do this because the other day a friend of mine lost her baby after 4 months of pregnancy. When my mom and I left the hospital, I said ďI want to go emotionally eat.Ē I know Iím doing it for emotional reasons. I have a hard time not turning to food for comfort, though Iíve gotten waaaayyy better at not eating mindlessly.
2. What does going on a diet mean to you? Does it give you a feeling of taking control and doing something for yourself? If you have been on many diets, do you honestly believe this one is different, or do you diet because you are discouraged and don't know what else to do?
Going on a diet means restriction to me. It means diligence and paying attention to everything that goes into my mouth. It means obsessing over caloric values of whatever Iím consuming. It does give me the feeling of taking control and doing something for myself. When I was on WeightWatchers, controlling how many points I ate daily was an obsession, but it also felt like I was in control which made me feel good. I donít think of this as a diet so much, but it is a little discouraging because itís soooo confusing! I mean when I counted points, I didnít really have to think about what I was doing except for knowing the points value. Now, I am constantly asking myself ďAre you really hungry? OR just emotionally eating?Ē I honestly do still believe this is different. For the first time, Iím trying hard not to hate the way I look. Iíve always hated the way I look and itís just time to stop obsessing about weight loss and concentrate on loving myself.
3. On page 23, Geneen describes dieting like praying and that "making the decision to stop dieting was like committing heresy, like breaking a vow that was never supposed to be broken." Are you ready to stop dieting? What feelings does thinking about this bring up for you?
Itís really really scary to think about not tracking my caloric intake or tracking my points values. Itís very hard to imagine actually TRUSTING my instincts! I feel like Iím going to let myself down and gain over 20 lbs just trying to eat without controlling my calories or fat. I feel like Iím betraying the controlling part of my brain that wants me to restrict the ďbadĒ food and eat only the ďgoodĒ food.
4. From page 25: Geneen writes: "I don't believe in the God that most people call God, but I do know that the only definition of God that makes sense is one that uses this human life and its sufferingóthe very things we believe we need to hide or fixóas a path to the heart of love itself. Which is why the relationship with food is so important." What do you believe about God, love and your life?
I learned in sobriety that my pain brought me to the path of the serenity I know now. I know that God is love and that I learn of how much God loves me through EVERYTHING I experience, including what feels like suffering. I know in my life that Iíve been shown grace and definitely I have truly seen what love is.
5. Do you believe you deserve kindness and beauty? If other people deserve itóif your children deserve itówhy not you? Why is it so hard to treat yourself lovingly?
I definitely believe I deserve kindness and beauty, however, my behaviors sometimes show differently! I donít know why itís so hard to treat myself lovingly. Iím uncertain when I started the love/hate relationship with myself. I guess something told me that by treating myself badly that it eventually leads to loving myselfÖI dunno..
6. In Women, Food and God, Geneen says your relationship to food is a doorway to your true nature, your deepest self. Do you believe you have a true nature and a higher self? Are you willing to use your relationship with food as the doorway to that? I know for a fact that I have a true nature and a higher self. I have learned this through meditation and other methods that brought me closer to my spirituality. Yes, I am willing to use the relationship with food as a doorway to that.