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The Long Long Journey

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I have been looking at my weight loss journey as a really long rode trip. In my head, I have analogies for all sorts of things that play in this scenario. My ego, my super ego, and my id are all taking a road trip together (psychology major-based on Sigmund Freud's parts of the psyche) and our destination is really my goal weight. My ego, which is the rational part of my psyche, has been driving throughout most of this journey. The id, which is the pleasure seeking part of the psyche, has wanted chocolate and other things throughout the whole trip, and keeps asking “are we there yet”. She is like a very whiney child. The ego gives in sometimes and has let the id have small portions of what she wants because we all need to be happy. The super ego, which is the moralistic part, always points out that the small piece cake is still going to take us off schedule. She sometimes insists that we spend extra time working out to make up for it. A few times we listened to her, and we did not stop for gas, even though we really needed it. We were stuck at the side of the rode not going anywhere for 3 weeks because we did not have enough fuel to move forward (although it felt like the engine was still running). Sometimes, she makes us feel bad for not being on schedule. The ego keeps driving and looks for ways to balance everyone's needs.

There are those times that I have been stuck in traffic. I am doing everything right, but I am not moving..., or I am just moving so slow that it feels like I am not moving. I know if I just stay in my car going the right way, then I will get there. I occasionally had to find an alternative route, but usually the traffic just clears up and I start moving again.

Then there are those times that I lose my way. That darn id wanted to stop for food or drinks or the super ego had us run out of gas, and then I get on the freeway going the wrong direction. As soon as I realize that I am going the wrong way, I look for an offramp so I can turn myself back around. I am not “starting over”. Starting over implies that I am back at the beginning, and dismisses the part of the journey that I have already traveled. I just lost some time. It puts me behind schedule, but I know I do not give up. It's was just a short detour. I am sure we have all gotten on the freeway in the wrong in direction. How many of us go, “oh well, maybe I should just go home”..., no, you just get off and go back the correct direction. No big deal..., but you do lose time. Those stops can kill time too, but you know you need to eat and fuel up, or else there is no energy for the drive.

Sparkpeople is like a really good map..., maybe even GSP. It will help you get there, but you still have drive. Oh.., and the friends I have made on sparkpeople are a bit like having auto club. They have been quite helpful on the journey and are there when you need them.

Well, I am way off schedule right now. I was suppose to be there about four to six months ago. I have taken a big detour lately, and I have gotten a little lost the last few months. I think I might have even let the id drive for a while. I know I haven't check the map as often, and the weather has been a bit stormy. I lost and gained part of 13 pounds several times now. I think the ego was tired and needed a short break (she has been dealing with bigger things). On this half of the journey, our speed limit seems to be slower than it was in the beginning of the trip. At first, I lost 8-12 pounds a month, and two years later (and 160 pounds lighter) I think I am only capable of about 5 a month. So, this 13 pounds is probably going to take me a few months just to get back to where I was. I am ready to get back on that rode and tell that id to be quite for a while. My husband, who has been unemployed for the last six months, is suppose to start a new job next week. Maybe I can keep the id happy with some new clothes or cute shoes, like putting on a DVD for a child. I haven't been able to give the id much these days, and think that's why we have to keep stopping for food. Often, she will shut up, if she knows she is getting something out of it or is distracted. My super ego has been distracted with issues pertaining to money, time, and work, so she hasn't speaking up much when we are off track on food. Either way, I need to get back on the rode in the right direction with the ego back at the wheel. Balance needs to be restored. I will reach my destination. Hopefully..., soon, but until then, I will just enjoy the ride. Oh look, a rainbow!!!
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