Why does my appearance affect the way people treat me?
Sunday, July 25, 2010
We are back from camping. We had a nice time. The weather was very windy and chilly by the lake so we never got in swimming which I would have liked. I completely blew my diet and ate everything in sight. I have put on 4 pounds in 3 days. I am not too happy about that. I didn't get alot of sleep over the weekend so I am hoping to make up for it tonight.
I did some thinking and I am completely confused as to why we let people hurt us. I am nice to everyone. I might "release" my anger later when I am away from them but I am nice to everyone. I keep letting people treat me bad. I think alot of why people treat me poorly is because of how I look. Being so short, people so not take me seriously and being heavy people don't respect me. I am not an attractive woman and I know that about myself. Attractive people are treated better. Its not right but its true. So over and over all my life I have been taking abuse from people that I do not deserve. Why do I let it happen??? Is my self-esteem that low that I think I deserve it? My inlaws treat me very very badly. I go out of my way to do things for these people but nothing has ever changed. I gave up on them, finally. I still don't tell them off like they deserve or treat them like they treat me, but I don't listen to them and I don't visit with them unless it is necessary. I never invite them over anymore. The problem with the principal is another example. When all the trouble started he was very mean to me. I got upset and told him off. After that he treated me differently. Even when I apologized he was nice to me. Then two weeks ago he started being mean again. No matter how many times I go over everything I can not find a reason for his attack on me. Why do I let this pattern repeat itself over and over again? How do I stop it from happening again? I don't know the answers. When I go into a store, no one waits on me. It has always been that way. If I have someone with me then I get some attention. Its so wrong. For years I have told myself that if I was skinny people would be nicer to me, but why does the way I look matter? I try to be nice to everyone. I do nice things for people and am really careful with everything I say so that no one is offended.
I need to get back on track this week. I need lots of cardio, but the forecast is for HOT. I can't let that stop me though. I need to be super careful with my eating and not let this three days of gluttony turn into another 13 month binge. So if anyone of my dear Spark friends had any strength they aren't using I could use some.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
You are right about fat people being invisable, but that is why some of us have such a hard time losing the weight and why we gain it back so quickly. It is our wall of safety, people do not expect much from fat people, afterall aren't we all just too lazy to do anything about our weight? Don't we all just sit at home, watch tv, and eat icecream? That is what so many people think of us. BUT WE CAN CHANGE!! AND DARN IT WE WILL!
One of my best friends is 5 feet tall and probably 4 feet wide, you do not see this as she has such a funny demenor, people love her because she is positive, funny and in love with life and herself.
Think we need to learn to love ourselves first, then branch out. Let us start over today, we can really do this and you have so much to gain from this experience. You have three little boys depending on you what a great place to start. Good luck we are all on this journey together and together we will finish.
2166 days ago
Here's some strength and here's some love .
You've got to try to love yourself and change that negative self
talk. It won't be easy. We teach most people how to treat us so we have the power to change that. Those you can't change probably don't love them themselves either so it's their issues, not you, that determines their actions.
Last, try workout DVD's if you have them (our local library has them) or even Sparkvideos to keep you active indoors.
2166 days ago
IT IS SAD BUT A FACT OF LIFE PRETTY PEOPLE ARE OFTEN CHOSEN
FIRST AND ALSO PEOPLE GRAVATITE TO BE AROUND THEM. I THINK YOU
ARE LIKE MOST OF US AT TIMES ON SELF ESTEEM. ONLY YOU CAN
BUILD IT UP WITH POSITIVE FACTS OF SELF.
LOOK IN MIRROR EACH DAY AND WRITE ON IT EVEN ONE GOOD THING
ABOUT YOU. DO YOU HAVE A NICE SMILE? DO YOU HAVE THICK HAIR?
ALSO WRITE ONE GOOD THING YOU DID FOR OTHERS AND SELF EACH
DAY AS THIS WILL HELP BOOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM. IF YOU ARE
USEFULL IN THIS WORLD TO ONE PERSON JUST ONE YOU ARE
WORTH MORE THAN ANY BEAUTY QUEEN.
MY SISTER WAS ABOUT 400 PLUS WHEN SHE DIED A SO CALLED
" FAT LADY" I HAVE NOT CHECKED YOUR WEIGHT NOR DO I PLAN TO
BUT YOUR MIND SAYS YOUR HEAVY SO THAT IS WHAT COUNTS IF YOU
ARE OR NOT.
IF YOU NEVER LOSE ONE LB YOUR STILL A WORTHWHILE HUMAN BEING.
I SEEN MY SISTER WALK WITH CRIPPED LEGS FROM ARTHRITIS AROUND
THREE EXTRA COUNTERS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT A CAFE.
SO SHE NOT HAVE TO WALK PAST A MAN SITTING NEAR THE EASY RT.
BUT SHE ALSO NEVER STAYED IN HER HOME EVEN THO SHE WAS EASILY
THE LARGEST PERSON IN AND GROUP SHE WENT TO.
CHILDHOOD FOR US WAS UNREAL WITH OVER 13 ABUSIVE HOMES , OUR
DAD STOLE US AT THREE AND SIX FROM OUR MOM. I NEVER SAW HER
AGAIN. HE DRANK AND DID NOT WANT US EITHER NOR MOST OF OUR
FAMILY. FIRST MARRIAGES WERE THE SAME .
SELF ESTEEM MUST COME WITH MATURITY AND IT HAS TO BE EARNED
YOUR HERE SO YOU CARE ABOUT YOU THAT IS A START.
WHO SAYS FOKES HAVE TO LIKE YOU ANY WAY?
I BET A LOT OF SUPER SKINNY FOKES ARE NOT NOTICED AND NOT
HELPED OR LIKED ALSO.
DO NOT JUMP INTO THE IDEA SIZE MATTERS. OK LADYS DO NOT LAUGH
SIZE THO ONLY MATTERS IF YOUR DR SAYS HAY YOUR LIFE IS IN
DANGER AS HE DID SIS.
SHE NEVER MADE IT DUE TO HER WEIGHT.
SHE DID LEAVE THIS LIFE LIKING HERSELF I DO BELIEVE BY HER
FAITH IN GOD SHE OVERCAME THE LBS AND FINALLY SAW HER WORTH.
SHE TOLD HER CLASS I STILL HEAR HER TODAY
" IN HEAVEN I WANT'T BE THE FAT LADY "
WHAT MATTERS IF HOW YOU SEE YOU
LOOK WITH IN THEN YOU CAN BEGIN AGAIN TO WORK ON WHAT THE
MIRROR SEES AND THE WORLD.
I CAN UNDERSTAND AS SHE WAS MY ONLY SISTER AND FOR MOST OF MY
LIFE TILL I HAD MY DAUGHTER ABOUT MY ONLY FRIEND.
2166 days ago
From reading this, I don't think it is the way you look as to why people treat you the way they do. I hear defeat in your words. Self talk is very important. Your little voice says bad things to you. You need to change that. Your body acts, facial expressions, and the things you say all affect the way people see you. Look deep and find the root of the problem. We alll have demons we must conquer. I did not realize this until I was in my early 30's. Depression from childhood trauma was destroying me from the inside out. Hope I am not being too blunt. You need to fix you. Quit making excuses. It is not their fault that you are not happy.... it is yours! Good luck and I hope all turns out well for you!
2166 days ago
Comment edited on: 7/25/2010 8:00:34 PM
When I started this journey, I was over 200 lbs and I'm just shy of 5'2". Now that I'm 142 lbs, I notice a difference of perception, even from strangers.
However, I must state that not everybody is nice to me. Some people who remember how I used to look are a bit suspicious, if not hostile. I almost wonder if they'd be happier if I gained the wait back, but I digress..
Even if I focus on those who give me allowances (i.e. laugh when I tell a bad joke), what does that say about them? Some weeks ago, I read how Zulekha Haywood (Iman's daughter) state that, though more men approach her, the increase in quantity did not mean an increase in quality. Here's the link: http://www.glamour.com/health-fitne
In other words, although I'm thinner now, I still have problems. Unfortunately, that meant weeding negative personalities out of my life whenever possible. If I wasn't able to do that for someone, I do the same as you: minimize my time with them. Please realize that holding in your frustrations and resentments will hurt you, not them. Try journaling (even the one here on SP, in the Planner section) and remember that it's for your eyes only, so it's a place where you don't have to be "polite."
I hope that helps!
2166 days ago
I am sending you good thoughts and some strength and motivation! Try some workout DVDs to get some cardio in without going outdoors, then the heat won't matter so much.
2166 days ago
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