Friday, July 23, 2010
Have you heard of the The New Shopping Diet where you wear the same 6 items of clothing for a month? It's supposed to relieve the stress of figuring out what you are going to wear in the morning. LOL. Are they serious? This is what is stressing so many of us out? Driving us to drink and self medicate and hook up with strangers? Pass the tequila. Have a Quaalude. A gross of condoms. The stress isn't caused by the burden of eking out a living while working full time (or needing to) in a sucky economy as we simultaneously try to meet the challenges of being a good mother/father/child/sibling/fr
iend and keep up with the laundry/cooking/dishes/cleanin
g/car maintenance/lawn care, etc.??????? We are supposed to believe that we are being flipped out by the enormous responsibility of managing to come up with a killer looking outfit every day? LOL. Stripes or plaids? Cotton or synthetics? Pastels or eye popping color? Scarf or not? Does this make my butt look big? (You and I both know that if your butt is big we can tell. We are not confused by some creative swashes of fabric stretched across an ample badonkadonk.) One woman on the Shopping Diet bragged about wearing the same outfit 4 days in a row. PeeYew!!! Yech! Was this outfit washed every day? I sure hope so. I'm all for frugality and not having a closet full of unused clothes but I don't want to sit next to someone who has lived in the same unwashed outfit for 4 days up to a month. Can't you get the same deal on a park bench sitting next to a stinky homeless person? I'm actually low maintenance. I put my clean hand in my clean drawer and/or clean closet and pull out my clean clothes and put them on. Amazing!! No stress!! Trust me. I'm fine. LOL.
Angelina Jolie was on TV today and I wonder if she spends time fretting about her outfit. I hope not. She just doesn't seem the type. With a face and body like that she would look good in a potato sack and money is certainly no problem for her. I think that it should be a requirement that children should either be born rich or beautiful. Both would be nice and I'm neither but if I had to choose I would personally chose rich. Remarkably I've always been okay with my physical appearance even when I was obese. For me it's more about my body getting me where I want to go, doing what I want. But, money? I can always use that. Even if I had an abundance I could find plenty to do with it like saving unwanted pets, feeding the homeless, helping disadvantaged children.
Cheryl Crow was on TV this morning too. Another person I would have no problem looking like. She ages well. Not too shabby for 48. She can still walk around on stage on those spindly legs in platform shoes too. Sport a skin tight dress and still breathe. She is my kind of girl and has a new album. And she was not born that far from here in Kennett, Missouri. Something great came out of the New Madrid Fault besides Reelfoot Lake. Actually the latest theory about the BIG EQ of my region that caused the mighty Mississippi to flow backwards and Reelfoot lake to be formed is that the EQ was actually created by the Wabash Fault. At any rate, they are both way too close to me and I'm in the middle of them. SCREAM!!
Celebrities are kinky anyway. Today on Ellen they had a woman who made beauty products out of leftover Thanksgiving food. Gross. If you find yourself wanting to do stuff like this you really need to get help. She poured maple syrup over her head and wrapped it in plastic wrap. Thank goodness I can still afford conditioner. She made a paste out of egg white, honey, vitamin E, and plain yogurt, for firming breasts. Plain weird. Don't try this at home.
If you've noticed on the weather map my section of the country has deteriorated into something worse than Hades. We are under another Heat Advisory. Mid to upper 90's. The heat index is 105 to 110 which doesn't make this outdoor girl very happy. It's even too hot to cook out on the grill and becoming too hot to eat at all which may be a blessing. I can afford to miss a few meals.
If it gets worse I will just buy each of us a half gallon of Haagen Dazs, hand the boys a spoon, and say, "This is your food for the day! Go for it!" My son and hubby would be quite happy. Ever wonder what Haagen Dazs means? I always liked to think it meant something cool like, "This is some good stuff, man." But it doesn't. Haagen Dazs was created by 2 Polish immigrants and was a made-up phrase meant to look Scandinavian to Americans. It's called Foreign Marketing. They put a map of Denmark on their ice cream and the name Copenhagen because American supposedly liked Danish products. LOL. I don't speak Polish or Danish so it sounds "gut" to me. LOL. I had a year of Latin, a year of German, 2 of French, and 2 of Spanish. The extent of what I can remember of the first 3 is how to say, "I will have a steak, please." Priorities, baby.
Speaking of overindulgence, once years ago when I had a really bad 14 hour work day and was totally TOM insane I served a plate full of assorted candy for supper. My hubby was afraid to say anything for fear of being gutted on the spot. I was freakishly mean. My son who was little at the time said "Oh, boy!! Thank you, Mommy." He was such a good boy!! It was just the perfect thing to say and melted my little black heart. Yeh, I felt guilty about it later but we weren't fat then and no one died. It's too late to turn me in to DCFS. Get over it! LOL.
I'm not big on analyzing myself but not too long ago I did have an aha moment. I realized that I really don't love bread that much. Commercial bread anyway. Yes, I could still go for some homemade authentic Italian bread slathered in butter or some killer biscuits covered in sausage gravy. But plain white sandwich bread, a hamburger or hot dog bun? Nah, it bores me. Yawn. I finally realized I like the hamburgers better without the bun. The hot dogs too. It would be nice if this happens with other things - like I would eventually stop loving M&Ms, potato chips, crackers, etc. I seldom eat them but they still call out to me like the Sirens.
Well, I'm trying to do 3 loads of laundry today in addition to my usual bull crap. "Every day is a winding road..........."
Calories - 1604
Net Carbs - 81
Fats - 84
Proteins - 91
Steps - 15163
Miles - 6.22