Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    MORTICIAADDAMS   281,296
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
Shopping Diets, Rich or Beautiful, and Candy For Supper

Friday, July 23, 2010

Have you heard of the The New Shopping Diet where you wear the same 6 items of clothing for a month? It's supposed to relieve the stress of figuring out what you are going to wear in the morning. LOL. Are they serious? This is what is stressing so many of us out? Driving us to drink and self medicate and hook up with strangers? Pass the tequila. Have a Quaalude. A gross of condoms. The stress isn't caused by the burden of eking out a living while working full time (or needing to) in a sucky economy as we simultaneously try to meet the challenges of being a good mother/father/child/sibling/fr
iend and keep up with the laundry/cooking/dishes/cleanin
g/car maintenance/lawn care, etc.??????? We are supposed to believe that we are being flipped out by the enormous responsibility of managing to come up with a killer looking outfit every day? LOL. Stripes or plaids? Cotton or synthetics? Pastels or eye popping color? Scarf or not? Does this make my butt look big? (You and I both know that if your butt is big we can tell. We are not confused by some creative swashes of fabric stretched across an ample badonkadonk.) One woman on the Shopping Diet bragged about wearing the same outfit 4 days in a row. PeeYew!!! Yech! Was this outfit washed every day? I sure hope so. I'm all for frugality and not having a closet full of unused clothes but I don't want to sit next to someone who has lived in the same unwashed outfit for 4 days up to a month. Can't you get the same deal on a park bench sitting next to a stinky homeless person? I'm actually low maintenance. I put my clean hand in my clean drawer and/or clean closet and pull out my clean clothes and put them on. Amazing!! No stress!! Trust me. I'm fine. LOL.

Angelina Jolie was on TV today and I wonder if she spends time fretting about her outfit. I hope not. She just doesn't seem the type. With a face and body like that she would look good in a potato sack and money is certainly no problem for her. I think that it should be a requirement that children should either be born rich or beautiful. Both would be nice and I'm neither but if I had to choose I would personally chose rich. Remarkably I've always been okay with my physical appearance even when I was obese. For me it's more about my body getting me where I want to go, doing what I want. But, money? I can always use that. Even if I had an abundance I could find plenty to do with it like saving unwanted pets, feeding the homeless, helping disadvantaged children.

Cheryl Crow was on TV this morning too. Another person I would have no problem looking like. She ages well. Not too shabby for 48. She can still walk around on stage on those spindly legs in platform shoes too. Sport a skin tight dress and still breathe. She is my kind of girl and has a new album. And she was not born that far from here in Kennett, Missouri. Something great came out of the New Madrid Fault besides Reelfoot Lake. Actually the latest theory about the BIG EQ of my region that caused the mighty Mississippi to flow backwards and Reelfoot lake to be formed is that the EQ was actually created by the Wabash Fault. At any rate, they are both way too close to me and I'm in the middle of them. SCREAM!!

Celebrities are kinky anyway. Today on Ellen they had a woman who made beauty products out of leftover Thanksgiving food. Gross. If you find yourself wanting to do stuff like this you really need to get help. She poured maple syrup over her head and wrapped it in plastic wrap. Thank goodness I can still afford conditioner. She made a paste out of egg white, honey, vitamin E, and plain yogurt, for firming breasts. Plain weird. Don't try this at home.

If you've noticed on the weather map my section of the country has deteriorated into something worse than Hades. We are under another Heat Advisory. Mid to upper 90's. The heat index is 105 to 110 which doesn't make this outdoor girl very happy. It's even too hot to cook out on the grill and becoming too hot to eat at all which may be a blessing. I can afford to miss a few meals.

If it gets worse I will just buy each of us a half gallon of Haagen Dazs, hand the boys a spoon, and say, "This is your food for the day! Go for it!" My son and hubby would be quite happy. Ever wonder what Haagen Dazs means? I always liked to think it meant something cool like, "This is some good stuff, man." But it doesn't. Haagen Dazs was created by 2 Polish immigrants and was a made-up phrase meant to look Scandinavian to Americans. It's called Foreign Marketing. They put a map of Denmark on their ice cream and the name Copenhagen because American supposedly liked Danish products. LOL. I don't speak Polish or Danish so it sounds "gut" to me. LOL. I had a year of Latin, a year of German, 2 of French, and 2 of Spanish. The extent of what I can remember of the first 3 is how to say, "I will have a steak, please." Priorities, baby.

Speaking of overindulgence, once years ago when I had a really bad 14 hour work day and was totally TOM insane I served a plate full of assorted candy for supper. My hubby was afraid to say anything for fear of being gutted on the spot. I was freakishly mean. My son who was little at the time said "Oh, boy!! Thank you, Mommy." He was such a good boy!! It was just the perfect thing to say and melted my little black heart. Yeh, I felt guilty about it later but we weren't fat then and no one died. It's too late to turn me in to DCFS. Get over it! LOL.

I'm not big on analyzing myself but not too long ago I did have an aha moment. I realized that I really don't love bread that much. Commercial bread anyway. Yes, I could still go for some homemade authentic Italian bread slathered in butter or some killer biscuits covered in sausage gravy. But plain white sandwich bread, a hamburger or hot dog bun? Nah, it bores me. Yawn. I finally realized I like the hamburgers better without the bun. The hot dogs too. It would be nice if this happens with other things - like I would eventually stop loving M&Ms, potato chips, crackers, etc. I seldom eat them but they still call out to me like the Sirens.

Well, I'm trying to do 3 loads of laundry today in addition to my usual bull crap. "Every day is a winding road..........."

Calories - 1604
Net Carbs - 81
Fats - 84
Proteins - 91
Steps - 15163
Miles - 6.22
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAMBAM87 7/26/2010 7:48AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAMAGOSS 7/24/2010 8:32PM

    ROFLMAO!! Who thinks up these ridculaoud things and thinks we mortals will believe them!

I can't remember ever stressing over an outfit - even when I was getting married and looking bride beautiful was so important.

Thanks for an interesting perspective and a really good laugh! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUNNY332 7/24/2010 2:37PM

    OMG - I am laughing my bootie off. You just crack me up. I wonder if I can count reading your blog as part of my fitness minutes? Surely, I can...

Thank you so much for the laughter. Some people (the woman on Ellen) have way too much time on their hands. Wonder if she really does have "firmer" breasts.

Take care, buddy and any time you want to meet to shop, let me know. I promise to wear a clean outfit.

Sunny



Report Inappropriate Comment
MAUITN 7/24/2010 2:30PM

    LOL emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUZYMOBILE 7/24/2010 11:24AM

    OMG, Morticia! You've outdone yourself with this one. Now I think you need to go on Last Comic Standing, or at least hit an open-mike night at a comedy club (WHERE, out where you live, you might ask?). I can see you now. "And another thing. What do ya think about those ...?" I think you've got a new calling.

I read bits out loud to Bill, and we were both laughing our heads off. Especially little Ian's earnest "Thank you, Mommy!!" Oh Lord!

Speaking of wearing the same outfits. Because I work in a VERY informal place, I actually do tend to wear the same 6 things for a month. We're not talking "no laundering," though, are we?? I might already be on this low-stress regime.

I've got a girl-crush on Jolie myself.

Thanks for a truly inspired blog! This is why I try to stay up as late as possible sometimes--to catch them as soon as they hit the Internet.

Comment edited on: 7/24/2010 11:25:45 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLAZINGSWORD 7/24/2010 10:47AM

    If I could roll on the floor I would, but then it would be hard to get back up! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Do ppl just not think for themselves anymore?

Like several other posters before me it was a pair of shoes for: school, church, boots for snow, and keds sneakers in the summer and that was it.

For school, (girls weren't allowed to wear pants then), I had 3 wool pleated skirts, all plaid and in different colors. Then I had different tops to wear with them. AND I went to public school. For summer: shorts & tops. Winter: Pants & tops. No problem picking out an outfit for school. But they were always clean.

But back then we had the old fashion washing machine with the hand cranked ringer on top, and where you put the water into it and got it started & then hung the clothes out on the clothes line in the back yard. And we had oodles of wash & iron to do with 4 girls in the family. (Seems like some days that's all we did was iron because everything was cotton back then.)

As far as wearing an outfit that long, OMGosh! You might as well be living in the medieval times and not take any baths either! Then you wouldn't have to worry about what anyone thinks because they wouldn't be anywhere near you. emoticon

It's been very hot & humid here in Frederick, Maryland too. I have a small on the ground bird bath that looks like a cake pan. I filled it up with water and the very next day it was completely dry like a bone. We have another heat advisory today. It's 90 at 10:45 a.m.

Have a friend in Alabama who says that it was 115 degrees yesterday. Now that is hot!

Take care and have a great weekend! Try and stay cool. Love ya!



emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLBRIGHT3 7/24/2010 10:38AM

    You can learn or at least pick up a lot from TV but my goodness, where did you find the time to watch as much as you did (lol)? You make a point. There's a lot of information out there but 'viewer beware'.

I really enjoyed this one - like being on a roller coaster (but it didn't mess up my hair and I laughed rather than screamed)! Thanks for a great read.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOOZLEBEAR 7/24/2010 10:35AM

    Loved this blog!!! You are really funny, and thanks for giving me my laugh for the day! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GERPAT 7/24/2010 10:29AM

    First off I too have been quilty of having icecream sundaes or banana splits.....when I wanted to be healthier......and I did do the candy thing I just didn't call it dinner...LOL... I wish we would spend more money on what is really important over spending it on cosmetics. My cosmetics consist of a lipstick and mascara and that's it....I have been complemented all my life on my skin and both my mother and grandmother really didn't have wrinkles.....my secret?? When I tell people the are a bit deflated but the truth is I keep soap off of my face and I drink lots of water..that's it. I too think Cheryl Crow and of course Joli are lovely!!! I love MMM's too but recently heard that they have a substance in them that that makes you crave more, who knows, everything in moderation!!!!

emoticon

PS: I choose rich over beautiful too!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/24/2010 10:30:34 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
WISEWIFE 7/24/2010 10:01AM

    Rolling on the floor laughing out loud! Girl you are a hoot!
Hugs,
WW

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLFAITHWALKR 7/24/2010 9:59AM

    Ooohhh, the plateful of candy was funny!!!

I always thought

HAAGEN-DAZS was Scandinavian or Danish for
HEART-DISEASE

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLDS 7/24/2010 9:27AM

    That diet must have been created by one of the 'REAL HOUSEWIVES' shows. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONFUSEDBIRD 7/24/2010 9:04AM

    Maybe if ppl work so much that they are hardly home then wearing the same clothes everyday would be nice. Maybe they should get a job that requires a uniform. That takes the guessing out for sure.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIBRA73 7/24/2010 8:52AM

    I had that aha moment with bread myself. I found bread I make is soooo much better!

You had me laughing all thru this blog! I too, could stand to have Sheryl Crow's body! I love her song, saw her on Good Morning America too!

Have a great weekend!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMPLE_TAILOR 7/24/2010 8:31AM

    Where is Reelfoot Lake?

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHGILLIGAN 7/24/2010 8:30AM

    OMG!! I laughed out loud at this blog! You are so right on all counts!! I never served candy for dinner but often opened the pantry so they could serve themselves sugar coated cereal!! I'm one with too many clothes--my excuse: I retired so what was excessive is now extremely excessive! LOL I still find myself drawn to looking at more (luckily I'm learning to look only). We also have the oppressive heat in northern VA. It's miserable!! Have a great weekend!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNTJ1 7/24/2010 7:58AM

    We are a society that places a lot of intrinsic value on what we wear and how we wear it. TV is full of fashion shows on cable channels telling us "what we are supposed to be." My grand daughter who turns five in a week comes to visit us about a month ago and bring five pairs of sandals with her. At age five I had two pairs of shoes, one for school and one for church. During the summer we got "tennis shoes" that were either black or white.

It's really unfortunate but its where we are at in our evolving(?) history as human beings.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEDYBEAR2838 7/24/2010 7:45AM

    WOW WHat a blog. I think you were letting off steam?

It was funny too. Thanks. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 7/24/2010 6:38AM

    Love your blog. You tell it how it is and Iit makes my day when I read your stories.

Guess what they were talking about on TV the other night for making skin to look younger - birds poo! Yuk, I jsut like my face, wrinkles and all jsut the way it is.


have a good day
Hugs
A emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CJSARGENT1 7/24/2010 12:49AM

    I just stopped by to say hi and " wow" what a blog and what a life!

So.....Hi.....have a great Saturday.

Blessings, Carol

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAPERK1 7/23/2010 11:40PM

    What is TOM crazy?
I'd rather be rich. I wouldn't be like the nuttier lottery winners.
I guess the shopping diet is for those who shop instead of eating Haagen Dazs.
Bless your black little heart!
Kathy
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEVORA4 7/23/2010 11:30PM

  This is one terrefic blog and it tells it like it really is. I have felt the same way most of the time. I admire your truthfullness and putting it out there. You're a feisty gal. Glad to know you. emoticon debby PS Not this emoticon but this emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MT-MOONCHASER 7/23/2010 11:25PM

    Totally enjoyed today's random thoughts...
emoticon
I just checked and it isn't quite a full moon -- Sunday is it.
emoticon
p.s. Around here the syrup and plastic wrap would cost WAAAAY more than the conditioner...

Comment edited on: 7/23/2010 11:28:58 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKNMOM 7/23/2010 11:23PM

    Oh my gosh....this blog reads just like I normally talk - ALL OVER THE PLACE. Topic to topic, but not necessarily focusing on any one thing too terribly long. Enough to induce high interest, but not in such detail that it bores :) Perhaps that speaks to the increasing level of my ADD :)

Clothing...I'll admit to having far too much clothing. I really do try to weed out the stuff I no longer care to wear. I am a clearance rack junkie and enjoy freshening up my wardrobe. I also have been a garage sale whore this summer....foraging through people's stuff for cute little additions and updates to my wardrobe. I don't, however, have too much difficulty choosing what to wear daily, as I'm OCD and rotate my clothing choises....clean clothes get hung up on the right side of my closet and I wear what is to the left. Of course, there are special occasions where I have a specific item which is appropriate, or I don't have pants clean to wear with the top.

Rich vs. beautiful...hmmmm....I'm doing OK with neither, but if I had the choice, I'd be beautiful and marry me a rich man LOL!!!! **Don't worry....I know I'm gorgeous, but don't want to seem conceited LOL** ;)

We also had those heat advisories today. And we have had thunderstorms for quite some time tonight. Luckily, it hasn't woken the kiddos.

Interesting factoids about the ice cream. I'm more partial to Ben and Jerry's only because the store in my college dorm had every flavor which aided in my gaining the freshman 15 (followed by the sophomore 15, etc....). Anything with chocolate and peanut butter topped my favorites list.

Feeding a plate of candy to the fam as a meal....wow, that would be quick and easy!! And....no mess in the kitchen, they would like the taste, and I really couldn't mess that up!! It would please all 4 kids at once. However...we had dental appointments this week and 2 out of my 4 kids have cavities :( And they are the two little ones...so today, I purged all the easily accessible sugary confections and have filled their snacky drawer with healthier options....My littlest - 5yo diva girl - noticed this as soon as she returned from their playdate at a friends today. Hmmm....yup - she's one of them w/ cavities. But she didn't whine when she saw her choices. I know I should have done that LONG ago - just for health reasons, but we got all that candy for different things - halloween, easter, parades....HOW could I possibly just throw all that edible food away? EASY!!!! It's simply gone. Unneeded calories, sugar, bad habits...easily tossed.

I blogged here...sorry....I must be extra bored tonight LOL!! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
WINNIEATWELL2 7/23/2010 11:09PM

    I gotta stay away from crackers and chips too...Hope next month will be cooler than July's been. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOANOFSPARK 7/23/2010 11:05PM

    roflol!! I loved this blog...so true..and so down to earth..waving at you from the middle west section of arkansas....*grin* I know what you mean about the heat.....it's a killer....

Thanks for sharing your thoughts..and loved the idea of the candy for supper....hey, don't knock till you've tried it....my sister actually did that to me and a friend once....all kinds of scrumptious to die for candy....truffles, Godiva...you name it, if it was rich and decadant...we had it..only problem is that neither of us had had any supper.....so we just looked at each other and dove in..needless to say, my sister was so pleased with her special treat for her big sis that I did not have the heart to tell her till much later...that we had not eaten supper because we thought that we were going to be dining royally ....*grin* wellll, you could say we were.....just not quite what we had expected..

now if I had my druthers, I'd look like Valerie Bertinelli........after all ,she did lose all that weight....*grin*

Comment edited on: 7/23/2010 11:07:12 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.