44 pounds lost, under 170, still feel like fat girl...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
For the first time in I can't remember how long, I weigh under 170. It is like a miracle, except that I know I have done the work to get here. I look in the mirror and almost don't recognize that woman.
I got off my bike in front of a store window and did not recognize myself!
My eyes (and my clothing sizes) tell me one thing but inside my head, just walking around, I still often feel like the fat girl. I still want to mindlessly eat the candy in the office, I still can overeat when confronted by bowls of nuts, I still want to snack in front of the TV or eat too much in one sitting.
Then I'll see myself in the mirror or window and realize where I've come.
When does the fat girl in my head leave for good? I am trying to view this weight loss as permanent and just "the new me", "the real me" and not come from a place of fear that I'll revert back to my old ways and end up wearing size 18 pants again. Fear is not a good place to come from and I recognize that I have come from that place in the past which might have been part of my downfall.
I look forward to the day when my head aligns more closely with my body and I feel like the slender(ish), fit, healthy person that I have become.