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    GEE-KNEE   43,937
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It's Been Over A Year, but I Still Haven't Fully Adjusted Mentally


Sunday, July 18, 2010

I just realized that I have been wearing "normal" sized clothing for over a year now. I made my first size 16 purchase in May of 2009, and in January of 2010 I got into a 10. I have gained almost 15 pounds since April of this year, but I am still comfortably in a 12, and that sure beats my size 28/30's any day. I am sure when my life goes back to normal (hopefully my husband finds a job, and we regain our middle class status), then I can finish up that last 30 pounds (not that I am not still trying now, but it's harder when under stressful conditions).

I often feel like I am still that 300+ pound girl. I have a bit of body distortion that I think is normal for my situation (160 pound weight loss in 2 years). Then people, who did not know me before, make comments about how I look like some celebrity (Brooke Sheilds and Robin Tunney have been mentioned a bit lately...., heard Margot Kidder and Zooey Deschanel recently too-in high school it was always Brooke Sheilds and Mariel Hemmingway), and I realize I am bit more attractive than I was 2 years ago at 340 pounds. When I tell people, that did not know before, about my weight loss they seem like they don't believe me, until I pull out a picture. It so strange because in my head I am the same person I was two years ago, except I can shop at normal stores and I have way more energy. Even though I have been walking around in this body for a while now, it is still a bit surreal after being so big for so long. I wonder how long it will take to truly get use to?
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WINTERWINGS 8/9/2010 2:18AM

    Years ago I lost 70 lbs and I never did get my head adjusted which, I assume, is why I gained it all back. Well, that and I got rather crazy. But I was young and dumb at the time and I don't think I had the skills to deal with the social aspects of weight loss (read that as *men*). Now I am old and married I think it will be somewhat easier but I still worry about it.

Sorry, no advice but I think being a bit older and wiser and more settled in life will help.

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CONFUSEDBIRD 8/8/2010 8:34AM

    I get the exact same thing you do. I tell ppl about my weightloss and they look at me like I am nuts, as if i would lie about that? lol It is strange when you get away from the plus sized clothes and you stop really noticing. I remember going to target and thinking UGH if i could only fit into an XXL then I could buy that shirt! Now I go straight for the small sizes. I still end up in the plus sized section and find cute clothes though.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 7/21/2010 3:47PM

    Weird indeed.

I was in Niagara Falls last week touring around and self-identified with the massively obese women I saw struggling on and off the People Mover buses. Then I'd see my reflection and get startled back to reality.

I felt internally like the same person too. But on reflection my experience was different. My knee and feet hurt less. I wasn't sweating so much from the heat. I fit on the bus seat more easily.

I'm trying to push the weight back down about 15 lbs too. It's hard. I keep getting close and then losing the drive. Yesterday I got a tattoo done on the inside of my forearm to remind me to stick with it. I hope that will help.

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JENNIFER124 7/19/2010 2:20PM

    i agree with LILMISS-- give your mind some time to catch up with yourself.. its a huge change!!! btw, we are also facing huge financial problems due to my husband's unemployment.. i cant tell you (i guess you already know) how stressful it is.. hang tight and do as much to release the stress -- we can get thru this !!! and yes, regain middle class status.. i like how you phrased that.. be well..Jen emoticon

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PRINCESSNURSE 7/19/2010 4:57AM

    I am sure it will catch up eventually...but really, it isn't always a bad thing. After all it is always important to remember where we came from so we don't go back!

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EVETROY 7/18/2010 11:14PM

    It does take time for your image of yourself to catch up to reality!

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LILHLFPINT 7/18/2010 9:42PM

    (::hugs::)

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LADYDI2049 7/18/2010 6:08PM

    Hi Jeannie, I totally get what you are saying I'm still struggling with the same feelings. It's amazing how our mind works, sometimes against us. I just recently took my acrylic finger nails off after 25+ yrs of never being without them. All those years I was so obese my beautiful nails made me feel femanine and I always got compliment that I had "pretty hands". That was the only part of me that I thought was "pretty". So these past several month I had become aware that every time I looked at my hands or had my nails done I was back to the old fat me. The insecrities, low self-esteem and self-worth would start creeping back. It was a very motional decision, but I took them off and feel so much better not having that reminder. Now I actually get compliments on other things about me. I guess it's all a process we have to work through and maybe the "fat girl" will never be completely gone and that might not be a bad thing. Best wishes to you.

emoticon emoticon

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LILMISSRED79 7/18/2010 5:29PM

    Oh I so hear you. As my Spark Friend Caliman says.. it's all in the head! It's amazing the emotions crop up over physical transformations like that. With everything that you've accomplished, I know you're going to manage the mental and emotional changes too. Just give yourself time.



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