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It's Been Over A Year, but I Still Haven't Fully Adjusted Mentally

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I just realized that I have been wearing "normal" sized clothing for over a year now. I made my first size 16 purchase in May of 2009, and in January of 2010 I got into a 10. I have gained almost 15 pounds since April of this year, but I am still comfortably in a 12, and that sure beats my size 28/30's any day. I am sure when my life goes back to normal (hopefully my husband finds a job, and we regain our middle class status), then I can finish up that last 30 pounds (not that I am not still trying now, but it's harder when under stressful conditions).

I often feel like I am still that 300+ pound girl. I have a bit of body distortion that I think is normal for my situation (160 pound weight loss in 2 years). Then people, who did not know me before, make comments about how I look like some celebrity (Brooke Sheilds and Robin Tunney have been mentioned a bit lately...., heard Margot Kidder and Zooey Deschanel recently too-in high school it was always Brooke Sheilds and Mariel Hemmingway), and I realize I am bit more attractive than I was 2 years ago at 340 pounds. When I tell people, that did not know before, about my weight loss they seem like they don't believe me, until I pull out a picture. It so strange because in my head I am the same person I was two years ago, except I can shop at normal stores and I have way more energy. Even though I have been walking around in this body for a while now, it is still a bit surreal after being so big for so long. I wonder how long it will take to truly get use to?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Years ago I lost 70 lbs and I never did get my head adjusted which, I assume, is why I gained it all back. Well, that and I got rather crazy. But I was young and dumb at the time and I don't think I had the skills to deal with the social aspects of weight loss (read that as *men*). Now I am old and married I think it will be somewhat easier but I still worry about it.

    Sorry, no advice but I think being a bit older and wiser and more settled in life will help.
    2266 days ago
    I get the exact same thing you do. I tell ppl about my weightloss and they look at me like I am nuts, as if i would lie about that? lol It is strange when you get away from the plus sized clothes and you stop really noticing. I remember going to target and thinking UGH if i could only fit into an XXL then I could buy that shirt! Now I go straight for the small sizes. I still end up in the plus sized section and find cute clothes though.
    2266 days ago
    Weird indeed.

    I was in Niagara Falls last week touring around and self-identified with the massively obese women I saw struggling on and off the People Mover buses. Then I'd see my reflection and get startled back to reality.

    I felt internally like the same person too. But on reflection my experience was different. My knee and feet hurt less. I wasn't sweating so much from the heat. I fit on the bus seat more easily.

    I'm trying to push the weight back down about 15 lbs too. It's hard. I keep getting close and then losing the drive. Yesterday I got a tattoo done on the inside of my forearm to remind me to stick with it. I hope that will help.
    2284 days ago
    i agree with LILMISS-- give your mind some time to catch up with yourself.. its a huge change!!! btw, we are also facing huge financial problems due to my husband's unemployment.. i cant tell you (i guess you already know) how stressful it is.. hang tight and do as much to release the stress -- we can get thru this !!! and yes, regain middle class status.. i like how you phrased that.. be well..Jen emoticon
    2286 days ago
    I am sure it will catch up eventually...but really, it isn't always a bad thing. After all it is always important to remember where we came from so we don't go back!
    2287 days ago
    It does take time for your image of yourself to catch up to reality!
    2287 days ago
    2287 days ago
  • LADYDI2049
    Hi Jeannie, I totally get what you are saying I'm still struggling with the same feelings. It's amazing how our mind works, sometimes against us. I just recently took my acrylic finger nails off after 25+ yrs of never being without them. All those years I was so obese my beautiful nails made me feel femanine and I always got compliment that I had "pretty hands". That was the only part of me that I thought was "pretty". So these past several month I had become aware that every time I looked at my hands or had my nails done I was back to the old fat me. The insecrities, low self-esteem and self-worth would start creeping back. It was a very motional decision, but I took them off and feel so much better not having that reminder. Now I actually get compliments on other things about me. I guess it's all a process we have to work through and maybe the "fat girl" will never be completely gone and that might not be a bad thing. Best wishes to you.

    emoticon emoticon
    2287 days ago
    Oh I so hear you. As my Spark Friend Caliman says.. it's all in the head! It's amazing the emotions crop up over physical transformations like that. With everything that you've accomplished, I know you're going to manage the mental and emotional changes too. Just give yourself time.

    2287 days ago
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