Now before I start, I just want to reiterate that I don't TOTALLY hate the beach, just more like 95% hate it. The 5% that appeals to me are the sunrises/sunsets.
Number 10: The scenery never changes. Every morning you wake up, look out and it's the same scene. Flat ocean, a few waves, and a beach. It's boring to me! Where's the gorgeous mountains?? If someone plopped a snow-capped peak out about half a mile THEN I might be entertained by the beach.
Number 9: Seaweed. That nasty green stuff that gets washed up on the beach. Strands and strands of it, with weird shapes and slimy greeness. Who wants to step on THAT stuff barefoot?? It looks like something Chef Ramsey rejected in Hell's Kitchen the other night! GROSS!
Number 8: The smell. What IS that?? That is NOT fresh air!
Number 7: The crowds. People. Packed in small areas. Burnt an angry bright beet red yet still slathering oil over their well-done skin hoping for that bronze tan that in their minds will make them look like anything other than human beef jerky. Fighting over rentable umbrellas. Wearing things you really wish you didn't have to see people wearing.
(I'm sorry but... really...?)
Number 6: Dead sea life. How fun is THAT? Why would I want to casually stroll a beach and look down to see some dead crab or fish or jellyfish under my foot? And Heaven forbid it's the latter. I don't know if jellyfish can still sting while dead but the thought of some stranger peeing on my foot is mortifying. (I don't think I'll include a photo of THAT happening...)
Number 5: Did I mention the smell?
Number 4: Less graceful walking. Have you ever tried walking in loose sand? It's annoying, and I look drunk. I feel off-balance. I look ridiculous. I may even resemble someone trying to master an invisible hula-hoop. Only less cute than this:
Number 3: Dog poo. Now WHO walks their dog on the beach and doesn't pick up the poo??? That's just wrong. Who wants to stroll along and step on something you later wish HAD been a dead jellyfish? What parent wants to watch little Timmy or little Emma digging in the sand and hold up what looks like a breaded hushpuppie and put it on their plate next to their bologna sandwich? Come ON.
Number 2: I might've mentioned the smell...
And the NUMBER 1 reason why I hate the beach?
The sand. This stuff gets in places a person NEVER wants sand to find. No matter how hard you try to prevent this from happening, it does. It clings like those cheap plastic holiday window decorations. It clings worse than a spiderweb on your face. It's abrasive, it's grainy, it's everywhere. Who WANTS that? Who wants to stand in it in your shower stall? Who wants to go to the bathroom and see it fall out of your bathing suit bottom and sprinkle around your feet like fairy dust gone bad? And you can shower 10x but when you get in bed that night, you feel as if you've just slid in between two sheets of 2000 grit sandpaper.
Gives Egyptian sheets a whole new sandy meaning, huh??
So anyhow, I think I will stick with the mountains. Ever changing scenery, less sand, and beautiful fresh air!
No offense to you beach lovers, but I'll pass.