Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate The Beach:

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Now before I start, I just want to reiterate that I don't TOTALLY hate the beach, just more like 95% hate it. The 5% that appeals to me are the sunrises/sunsets.

Number 10: The scenery never changes. Every morning you wake up, look out and it's the same scene. Flat ocean, a few waves, and a beach. It's boring to me! Where's the gorgeous mountains?? If someone plopped a snow-capped peak out about half a mile THEN I might be entertained by the beach.


Number 9: Seaweed. That nasty green stuff that gets washed up on the beach. Strands and strands of it, with weird shapes and slimy greeness. Who wants to step on THAT stuff barefoot?? It looks like something Chef Ramsey rejected in Hell's Kitchen the other night! GROSS!

Number 8: The smell. What IS that?? That is NOT fresh air!

Number 7: The crowds. People. Packed in small areas. Burnt an angry bright beet red yet still slathering oil over their well-done skin hoping for that bronze tan that in their minds will make them look like anything other than human beef jerky. Fighting over rentable umbrellas. Wearing things you really wish you didn't have to see people wearing.

(I'm sorry but... really...?)

Number 6: Dead sea life. How fun is THAT? Why would I want to casually stroll a beach and look down to see some dead crab or fish or jellyfish under my foot? And Heaven forbid it's the latter. I don't know if jellyfish can still sting while dead but the thought of some stranger peeing on my foot is mortifying. (I don't think I'll include a photo of THAT happening...)

Number 5: Did I mention the smell?

Number 4: Less graceful walking. Have you ever tried walking in loose sand? It's annoying, and I look drunk. I feel off-balance. I look ridiculous. I may even resemble someone trying to master an invisible hula-hoop. Only less cute than this:

Number 3: Dog poo. Now WHO walks their dog on the beach and doesn't pick up the poo??? That's just wrong. Who wants to stroll along and step on something you later wish HAD been a dead jellyfish? What parent wants to watch little Timmy or little Emma digging in the sand and hold up what looks like a breaded hushpuppie and put it on their plate next to their bologna sandwich? Come ON.

Number 2: I might've mentioned the smell...

And the NUMBER 1 reason why I hate the beach?

The sand. This stuff gets in places a person NEVER wants sand to find. No matter how hard you try to prevent this from happening, it does. It clings like those cheap plastic holiday window decorations. It clings worse than a spiderweb on your face. It's abrasive, it's grainy, it's everywhere. Who WANTS that? Who wants to stand in it in your shower stall? Who wants to go to the bathroom and see it fall out of your bathing suit bottom and sprinkle around your feet like fairy dust gone bad? And you can shower 10x but when you get in bed that night, you feel as if you've just slid in between two sheets of 2000 grit sandpaper.
Gives Egyptian sheets a whole new sandy meaning, huh??

So anyhow, I think I will stick with the mountains. Ever changing scenery, less sand, and beautiful fresh air!

No offense to you beach lovers, but I'll pass.


Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ok, come on now..........95%? Wow. While I agree with everything here...........hey, wait, why do I like the beach again? Well, for me, it is the ocean. To me, the ocean always looks different. I love how it looks like it goes on into infinity. Like Space (which I am a big fan of, by the way!) Ok, so for me, that is the beauty of it. I burn like unreal (at least I did before I got all ridiculous about sunscreen, umbrellas, coverups etc) and can't swim much in the Atlantic (like it is freezing all summer, and warms up in Sept and Oct). So, there you have it. I like the Mountains, except I seem to find the lyme ticks in the woods like moths to flame. :)
    2782 days ago
    Fun fact #1 - Jellyfish can sting you after they are dead. I had a professor/dig coordinator who was walking on the beach during a windy day and a tentacle, separate from any jellyfish body, blew up, wrapped around his leg, and stung the **** out of it. He had a red line where it hit.

    Fun fact #2 - sand sticks to you better if you have been in the salt water. If you "rinse" off in the salt water, the sand will stick to you better as you walk back across the beach to your car. BUT if you rinse in fresh water/tap water the sand will stick less. Even better, a jug of water left in the car for that exact purpose will help keep it from getting into the car. Because we know that stuff never comes out. emoticon

    I am a mountain person too. Thanks for the laugh!
    2783 days ago
    I love to look at the beach from a distance and occasionally walk along it, but I have to agree with you - the feel of wet sand - ughhhh.....
    2783 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.