Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Well...I lost a pound this week. Actually, I lost JUST UNDER a pound this week. And I'm disappointed.
But I'm not disappointed because I can't explain the low week. I'm disappointed because I thought I could get away with something, and it didn't work in my favour. It's the guilty kind of disappointment...and in a way, it's almost worse.
For the past few weeks now I've been dropping a lot of weight. On average 3 pounds a week for a month has made weigh-in mornings a little like Christmas at my place. So I awoke this morning to the same excitement. Let's see what little present the scale is going to give me this morning. I thought realistic thoughts (282) even though my fantasy was to see a big loss (279). I mean - why not? I exercised every day this weekend, and ate well...ok, well, maybe not SO well, but pssh, that hasn't mattered for the past 2 weeks right? Wrong. 283 - definitely not 2 pounds (the realistic thought) and DEFINITELY not my morning fantasy (getting to 10% of my starting weight lost).
Ugh. My stomach sank. No need to step on the scale again to re-check my number. I knew that this bad behaviour was going to catch up with me at some point. I had a guilty conscience.
So what went wrong?
Since I'm still at the beginning of my journey, I've been able to play a little with my calorie levels every week and still get pretty positive results. For the past few weeks I've been inching my levels up ever so slightly - a Vosges chocolate bar here, a glass of wine there, a dinner out to "celebrate" whatever darn thing I feel like celebrating. And up to this point, the scale has continued to reward me weekly with surprisingly large numbers. Awesome - I felt like I was getting away with something. So I continued "stealing" from myself by adding in those extra calories. And this week, the scale caught me - with my hand in the cookie jar.
I should know better :( I'm ashamed. I've had an emotionally tough couple of weeks - and I thought I was getting away with something AND benefiting myself. And don't we all want a free ride every now and again? No excuses though - this was clearly my fault.
So I'm fessing up. I have no right to be MAD at the scale. It didn't do anything wrong. It simply put up the number that I deserved. And I'm lucky that I even deserve that (thank you long weekend of exercise). I only ate within my calorie range for 4 days last week. And of those 4 days, only one was mid-range. The rest were at the high end of the spectrum. And even though the "bust" days weren't TOTAL busts, they were at least 200 calories higher than my upper limit. Close enough that you can look at the numbers and think that you might just sneak it through - but far enough away that by the end of the week, my deficit wasn't anywhere close to where it should have been. I'm actually glad that this happened when it did. I'm still down, but it's a good kick-in-the-pants reminder that I can't get too lax or I might gain - and I definitely don't want that to happen right now.
So - goal for the week is to get 7 days on target. Then next week I might be able to blow that 30lb weight loss out of the water!
Wish me luck. And a little willpower!