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I HATE MYSELF!!


Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything about me. I want to change so badly but I don't know how. I feel overwhelmed and defeated before I even begin. I am sad and depressed and feel hopeless. I love Sparkpeople, I love to see and read everyone's success but I just can't seem to find the way. I am a huge fat disgusting loser and probably always will be. I don't know how to be happy, I don't know how to put myself first. I am someone that does everything for everyone but when it comes to me I just don't know where to begin. I am just so sad and embarrassed and humiliated. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
HEALTHYASHLEY 8/2/2010 7:59PM

    I wrote a blog like this the other day. I feel your pain. The reality is you can be sad and still do something about this. Take the anger and the pain and the frustration and channel it into SP. All you have to do the first week is aim for drinking all your water. You will lose weight, I swear. Then make small changes bit by bit. I lost 35 lbs before SP just by not drinking soda and not drinking fancy coffee's anymore. You can do this and I am here for you anytime.

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PREPMOM11 7/8/2010 10:05AM

    Thank you everyone for your kinds words and support. I will take a little something from each one and try to apply it every day. I had a really bad day yesterday at work, something very embarrassing happened to me and I just didn't handle it well at all. I was just humiliated and I still trying to get over it. But with your sound advice and support and taking one day at time I will keep trying. Today is a new day, I have to get over it and keep moving. Thanks again!!! emoticon

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WESHAKAT 7/7/2010 4:27PM

    Start with one positive thing - you already have. You said "I want to change..." Now find one more positive thing - then another and go from there.

And you do sound really depressed (been there). Find some sort of professional - doctor, clergy - to help get you pointed back in the right direction. It will make the healing process a lot smoother so you can make that change happen.

Really - you can do it. One positive at a time.

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SANDAM1 7/7/2010 4:24PM

    Your blog touched me - as I know I feel that way at times. But I encourage you to start with one thing - just one thing - to change to make your life healthier. And it doesn't need to be something big or remarkable - start small. Example - my goal for one week was to not park in the closest parking spot to the store, but parking halfway down the row. Not a big change, but I smiled every time I did it since I knew I was making a better choice. Or if you are struggling with eating junk food, only eat three cookies and put the package away rather than eating the whole package. The journey of a lifetime begins with a single step.

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LOVEITSILENT 7/7/2010 4:09PM

    Don't give up! See a counselor, or a local church official or chaplain. They won't force god down your throat, but have many resources at their disposal to help those in need. Even if you only see them once, it may be the jump start you need to spark your can DO attitude! emoticon

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JAMIES 7/7/2010 4:01PM

    You know everyone feels that way sometimes and you have picked a really great place to get all those frustrations and anger out. Writing it down and sending it away from you is great way to cope with overwhelming feelings.

I hope you will take some deep, calming breaths, and take a step back and look at yourself with a kinder eye. You are NOT a loser or disgusting or anything else you are thinking right now. You are a nice person, with a good heart and you just need to remember that. Your self-worth is not defined by your weight. Weight may come or go but integrity, honesty, kindness; those are what makes a person worthwhile.

Take it one step at a time, one day or even one hour at a time. Make a single change, more water, walk to the end of the block and back, eat more vegetables. Anything that will start you down the right path. Quit worrying about the right way to begin and just pick something. There is not a magic "beginning" that is right and another that is wrong. Focus on one small step, then when that is going well, you will find the next step.


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LITTLEBUTTON09 7/7/2010 3:59PM

    Dont give up ever!!! This process is NOT easy. It takes a lot of hard work. You will fall off the wagon but you gotta get back up as if it never happened. DONT let your mind control you anymore!

Where to begin? At the Beginning. Take each day as a brand new day. Start by just writing down what you eat and weigh/measure everything. Baby Steps. You need to take baby steps.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Every day is a battle but you can do it!

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CARRKM 7/7/2010 3:55PM

  It sounds like you may be suffering depression. Please make an appointment and see your doctor. If it is, in fact, clinical depression, you will not "just snap out of it" or find a miracle cure without help. Please go see a doctor - you are a beautiful human being, and certainly worth it!

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FRECKS96 7/7/2010 3:55PM

    Please don't give up. It is hard to change, but once you start, your body will start to crave the healthier things. Focus on yourself and set one or two SMALL goals. Let the program guide you. You CAN do this. You have tons of support and all the tools, let them work for you. Good Luck!

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