Sunday, July 04, 2010
Yesterday I rejected a family party, an invitation to get together with friends and I just wanted to be alone. I had a real hard time over the past 9 months and I'm about to take my mom on a journey to meet relatives we never knew we had. My grandmother left her wealthy family at age 20. She ran off with the hired man, my grandfather, who gave her 6 children. Grandma was fond of saying "You made your bed, now lie in it." My grandfather abused his children terribly and a family pattern took hold among the women who endured it.
Today I'm reflecting on the path that has been laid a generation ago. I've come a long way from the pattern that set in our family by one woman's mistakes and misfortunes. I will go "back home" so to speak for my mother and my grandmother by meeting the open arms of many people who have wanted to know, since the 1940's, whatever became of Lea Lambert?
Sometimes I don't feel as if my life is my own but in this case I feel as if I must answer the call again and go where "he sends me". I'm feeling rather melancholic about it all and have little will to live out of a suitcase for another month. I know I have a choice and I am choosing to make this journey. I pray I will go off and come home safe and that when I do return that I can stay home for a long while. I'll do my best to stay connected to my Spark friends during this time away in Canada and I definitely am asking for everyone's prayers and thoughts from July 9th-August 9th.