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    JOHNTJ1   61,372
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The Things We Think Sometimes.......

Thursday, July 01, 2010

I hadn’t been to a lunch meeting of the Optimists for over a month. Work kept me out of town. I was looking forward to seeing a lot of folks I had missed in that time. Everyone that greeted me congratulated me on my weight loss and the article they ran on me in our local paper about healthy life styles.

When I sat down to eat three or four people came over, sat down, looked at me earnestly, and said. “You’re cursed, you know that don’t you?”

Yes I did. You see the last three people my gym featured in their articles not only gained all the weight they lost back they added about fifty percent. This is a small city and everyone knows everyone so people notice and BTW: People are cruel. I’m not going to detail some of their remarks but suffice to say I got scared.

See I am within twenty five pounds of my initial goal weight. I been batting around the same five pounds for a month and even though intellectually I know what’s going on I am still getting scared. I’m scared all the weight is hiding in my bedroom closet again and it’s going to come creeping back on to me and I’ll be a Spark failure. Then no one will love me and BTW did I tell you I’d be a failure?

I am really not sure what can make you more miserable, being fat or being thin? So I did some stuff that I know none of you have ever done, like eating below your calorie levels and amping up your cardio to burn a bit more. Anyone here ever get worried about eating and start cutting some really weird corners because you are scared that an extra bite of whole grain bread is going to add fifteen pounds to you? You may not have done it but a dollar to donuts you thought about it.

As a once famous bald headed female exercise leader said “Stop the Insanity.”

Suffice to say I was a basket case. It was like running a 5K in quicksand (Wonder if they have a podcast for that?) The harder I tried the more bogged down and anxious I got.

I went to a friend’s Spark Page to thank them for something and I actually stopped for a minute and read it. (LOL) They had been someone I had admired for some time and have been successful in fighting the good fight. But I had never read what “they stood for.” Maybe it was because I had all kinds of time on my hands yesterday or maybe my guardian angel sent me there but as I scrolled down the page I saw this line:

“Eat to fuel my body and my life, not just be below my calorie range.”

“Oh wow!!! Someone actually had the same thoughts I did!!!” Weird as it may seem, I felt better and I had a lesson reinforced at the same time. Somewhere in the Bible it says “Nothing is new under the sun.” That one line made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I smiled a bit and actually had a bit of a tear well up in my eye.

“I’m normal,” I whispered.

We think and do crazy things sometimes. Our fears get the best of us and once they latch on to us they are like a pit bull, they don’t let go. Our fears are what drive us into doing silly stuff that only hurts us in the long run.

You guys may get really bored in hearing all this but I really believe three things create a good foundation for our success.

You are worth more than you can ever imagine.

You deserve only the best and should not only expect it but in most cases demand it.

You really are who you hang around with.

There are so many of you who have motivated and inspired me in so many ways and just like yesterday I am so grateful for it. I choose to hang around with really great folks and if you are reading this, you are one of them.

Time for breakfast.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSSN4FITNESS 7/7/2010 6:58PM

    I remember being that crazy person a couple months ago! Man, that plateau had me bugging! But, it is so great when you get your perspective back. That allows you to keep pressing forward and get balance in your life. Great Post and great words of wisdom!

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MARCYNA 7/4/2010 2:33PM

    I'm a bit scared of people whose silly remarks made you feel like that, are you sure you want to see them again???You just don't need those stupid people's remarks, you only need to be around w/people who love you and see the best in you - sorry I know it's a bit blunt but I need to repeat this to myself first emoticon

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ROSE5328 7/2/2010 8:23AM

    Thanks for reminding me that I'm normal!

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KATIEGLEN012 7/2/2010 7:22AM

    John...fear is the enemy. We are who we hang out with...and you, my friend, are about to reverse the curse! Thank heaven! Look forward with joy and thank God for the health you can see.

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PINETREEGIRL 7/2/2010 1:42AM

    Fuel yourself--fuel your body, fuel your dreams.
I relate to this blog well, because I chose SP as a way of trying to lose weight without deprivation. With deprivation, I am champion--I can make myself stop eating for months at a time. That tactic might not work as well since I stopped smoking, but...I was very good at it.
But being thin and being healthy, instead of being thin or healthy, is a new horizon. It's 10,000 times more challenging. And it will last longer.
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CARTOONB 7/1/2010 10:11PM

    Yep! So, because you and I think alike (or have some of the same thoughts at least) that makes you normal?! I guess I'm normal too! LOL!!

I get the fear thing! The weight is lurking out there and it's going to jump back on as soon as I close my eyes! I don't know where mine is hiding tho...if it was the closet, I'd lock the door!

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HONORINGGOD 7/1/2010 9:50PM

    we are not norman we are sons of the most high ,joint heirs with JESUS CHRIST .his promises goon for ever . im proud of you &your worth it . a wise man told me that emoticon you. GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND emoticon

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SLY_REDUX 7/1/2010 8:58PM

    Bless you, I'm NOT normal - but I've learned to make it work for me! emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 7/1/2010 8:16PM

    Thanks, John.

For your information, I never get tired of you telling me that I am worth more than I can ever imagine. I like hearing it and don't mind saying that sometimes I "need" to hear it because I am so hard on myself.

And BTW, you too are worth more than you can ever imagine.

Love, Cheryl



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JUST_TRI_IT 7/1/2010 8:02PM

    Hmmm. They are optimists? I am not sure I'd belong to a group that seems to want to bring people down! Even if someone has a thought like that, why share it at all? Your town sounds like a town I work in... Lots of cruel people :(

Yes, we are in this together... and all those "unique" thoughts we have seem to land on familiar ears, don't' they! And we do feel a camaraderie when we voice our successes or scary thoughts and someone seems to connect. Rather nice!!

You will make it, John. You've learned too much to throw thinking out the window!



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STORMTMB 7/1/2010 7:55PM

    BTW - those people don't sound much like optimists! more like pessimists!!!

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STORMTMB 7/1/2010 7:54PM

    I'm pretty sure that I (and many others) told you 50 lbs ago that I'd love you regardless of the number on your scale. Pretty sure that your wife and kids love you too.

For whatever it's worth, my advice is to step away from the scale. If the number (those 5 lbs) is messing with your head, then walk away. Do the things you know are right and quit worrying about it. Let go and let God... go back to that voice that gives you such great advice.

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KLEONIKI 7/1/2010 5:11PM

    My dear John!
We are all in the very same boat sailing in the very same waters...
Similar fears, thinking patterns,and feeling traps.
But also, we are part of the same struggling gang, fighting with similar dragons and our common place is our dream to become HEALTHY.
It is not only a weight matter it is all about doing THE RIGHT THING ,
change inside out FOR LIFE,
and especially do that TOGETHER..
Relax and enjoy the ride it is not a change for who witness it only
but
for who experience it..
Keep on going with this radiant smile of yours
Hugs
Kleoniki



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JURI62 7/1/2010 4:37PM

    Small towns! Aren't they GRAND! Be careful what you focus on, our thoughts have a way of coming true!!! POsitive thinking promotes positive outcomes.
Thanks for another great blog.
Hugs and blessings, Judy

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ANNE-ELIZ 7/1/2010 4:08PM

  It is true that words have great power and you certainly experienced that power in both directions; the negative, posited by those "Optimists" and the positive, by the writer of the blog you mentioned as well as others here on the site.

Those words can engender fear or can give hope. They can be placebo or poison.

But those words need to be processed and evaluated by a human mind; your mind, which works very well! OK, you wrestled with the fear demon but emerged victorious, with a little help from your friends!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/1/2010 3:41PM

    I'm going to have to slip you some ego boosting pills, John. LOL. When I hear people talk about gaining all the weight back and more I feel sorry for those unfortunate people but I don't relate to them. I don't consider myself in that group. I'm always in the 5-6% that loses what they want and keeps it off and I put you in that group too. Don't allow anyone else to put you in the other group. You don't belong there. You have been put in the group you belong in.

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PENNYAN45 7/1/2010 1:36PM

    If we take our time losing the weight - and make a lifestyle change that we will live with forever - then we will not gain the weight back.

There are many SPers who joined maintenance teams to insure that they did NOT gain the weight back.

Spark could be a part of your life for several more years - while you maintain your weight as well.

Congratulations on your loss so far - and for coming so close to your goal!

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SHEILAKHS1 7/1/2010 1:19PM

    John I love reading your blogs because all in all you make ME feel Normal as i struggle with this lifestyle every day
Thank you for always sharing

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BBGOOGIN 7/1/2010 12:33PM

    Wow, John. I enjoyed your blog today and I'm really glad you were enabled to process that one through. That's the keeping power of God, that you didn't receive those cursed words as your own....

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy...." (Jude 1:24)
~Susan

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JLUVSHIKIN 7/1/2010 12:16PM

    Thanks for the post. Especially about the part, "I am normal" Sometimes it is hard to feel normal. Good to know that occasionally someone else feels the same way!

Great post. And by the way... you are only cursed if you allow it to be!

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GRANDTO4 7/1/2010 12:11PM

  John, you are so far from "cursed", that comment was just laughable. I felt the same fear you mentioned, when after less than 24 hrs. in the hospital, no food for three days, and I was up in weight TEN pounds! My brain jumped straight to panic (and thoughts of doughnuts), until I talked some sense into myself. It took 2 1/2 weeks post-surgery to lose that ten pounds, but it's gone. Now I understand I need to have patience with my body; it's been through a lot, and is still kickin'. So what if I get where I'm going a few weeks later?? There's no way I can un-learn the tools I have learned on this site, and from great motivators like you!

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HEATHERSCOTTTN 7/1/2010 10:56AM

    you can and are doing it!

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/1/2010 10:48AM

    You are not at ALL alone in your fears, my friend; you are indeed normal (but extraordinary, too). I have been very successful at losing weight before, but terrible at keeping it off. I've lost 40 pounds now, second best weight loss results to date, and a part of me is terrified that the weight is hiding under the bed, waiting for me to make one little slip and then it will jump back on me again with some extra, then I will be a failure (again) and not be loved . . . it is crazy-making and can lead to under eating, over working our bodies, or worse. Time to start believing in ourselves and keep those foundations for success in front of us; thanks for sharing, it DOES help to know we are not alone.

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FANAMAMA 7/1/2010 10:47AM

    Ummm, didn't you say it was a gathering of OPTIMISTS?!?! They need to change their name!
Or make YOU their C.E.O.!
I think often people gain back the weight they lost because they got on the Express Weight Loss train, closed their eyes and held their breath until the reached their destination. It was simply a means to an end, and once they got there, they didn't really know what to do with themselves so they fell back into their old patterns. (Experience speaking here)
I prefer to think of our Spark journey as the slow but steady Scenic Journey Healthy Living train. We are generally making progress, taking the time to take a good hard look at the world around us and reordering our priorities so that we put being healthy (not skinny) FIRST. We go through valleys, some of them dark and cloudy, but we also go to the tops of the mountains where we can see for miles and dare to whisper, Life is Good!
After all you've already gone through, do you REALLY see yourself ever again sitting on the couch with a bag of chips in one hand and the remote in the other?

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FANAMAMA 7/1/2010 10:47AM

    Ummm, didn't you say it was a gathering of OPTIMISTS?!?! They need to change their name!
Or make YOU their C.E.O.!
I think often people gain back the weight they lost because they got on the Express Weight Loss train, closed their eyes and held their breath until the reached their destination. It was simply a means to an end, and once they got there, they didn't really know what to do with themselves so they fell back into their old patterns. (Experience speaking here)
I prefer to think of our Spark journey as the slow but steady Scenic Journey Healthy Living train. We are generally making progress, taking the time to take a good hard look at the world around us and reordering our priorities so that we put being healthy (not skinny) FIRST. We go through valleys, some of them dark and cloudy, but we also go to the tops of the mountains where we can see for miles and dare to whisper, Life is Good!
After all you've already gone through, do you REALLY see yourself ever again sitting on the couch with a bag of chips in one hand and the remote in the other?

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IMJUSTDUCKIE 7/1/2010 10:25AM

    John, my dear, it's mind over matter :) If you don't 'mind' it, it won't matter :) emoticon

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WALKNLOVE 7/1/2010 10:20AM

    So, I have been sick, more than not the past two weeks, haphazard at best on logging my food in to my nutrition planner, not able to work out much, if at all, and stepped on the scale yesterday to a 6 lb.weight gain! UGH!!! So, you better believe, my 1st thots were...you are going in the wrong direction...what if you fail?
Well, here's a better question for both of us...What if we don't?(Under normal circumstances, I would expand on this, but the truth is I am tired.I need God's strength to get thru.I will let you ponder this question for yourself.Some of our answers will be the same & some will be different, but they will all lead us into clearer thinking!)

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SANDYK4BAMA 7/1/2010 10:16AM

    Oh John - you ARE SO worth it!!! And you are so NOT alone in your craziness. I get scared all the time too. Scared that I will meet my goal, scared that I won't, scared that I'm not losing fast enough, scared that it'll come back, scared-scared-scared.

But you know what? Our preacher taught on this one day in church. The Bible uses the word FEAR 365 times. That's one time for each day of the year, and you know what God says about it: "Fear Not." It's a simple thought really, but boy does the devil really throw that one at us!! After all, he knows all the tricks, and fear, oh boy, fear is one of his meanest and best tricks to keep us from God's blessings.

Keep in mind though, YOU are one of God's blessings too. And if you fall short, don't worry - all your buddies here at SparkWorld will help pick you up, we'll prop you up, and we'll shove you back into action if we have to - just like you'd do for us. None of us is perfect, and even though it seems like we live in a fishbowl sometimes, and EVERYbody is watching and waiting on us to fail, your true friends are not. We are cheering you on, we are on your side. Those other people, well hell, they just DON'T COUNT! Yea! And God is on your side too, he's the best cheerleader of them all. And also, I just bet - you're one of his FAVORITES! You're definitely one of mine! Keep up the good fight, after all, it's for you - not for THEM - whoever they are anyway...


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ALLISON145 7/1/2010 10:11AM

    I think those amazingly thoughtful people (ahem) who told you that would were doomed to fail actually just did you a favor and pointed out one of the ways that you can be an 'apostle.' It's now your calling to show everyone in your little town that exercising and eating right is NOT an automatic road to failure... that it IS worth it to try to take care of yourself. I think a lot of people never even get started for that very reason - they think they will go to all the trouble to lose the weight and then gain it right back. When (not if) you break your gym's curse and choose to take care of yourself like you would any loved one for the rest of your life, you will inspire others to take that first step.

And remember, even when you don't have faith in yourself, we have faith in you.

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Love,
Allison

P.S
. Please try not to worry too much about the scale right now - your body has been through a lot of changes so be kind to yourself and allow some time for adjustment. Just keep doing what you've been doing (nothing crazy) and things will start moving again. Honest!

Comment edited on: 7/1/2010 10:14:44 AM

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JPRICE217 7/1/2010 9:25AM

    John cursed? never! Great blog as always. We can and we will beat the odds

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JERIBERI1 7/1/2010 8:35AM

    John, you definitely AREN'T cursed. Food is fuel for your body and life, just like your friend said. When I first started the SparkJourney, I, too, was obsessed with staying below my calorie range. Then my mind switched over to "healthy living," and what a difference it made!! It's all about being the best YOU you can be, and John, you are doing it!!!

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HDHAWK 7/1/2010 8:13AM

    Can I ever relate to your blog. I was getting compliments all over the place about a year ago, bought all new clothes, and was feeling very confident. Then many things happened in my life and I let those derail my workouts and good eating. I gained most of the weight back and yes, feel like a spark failure. I seem to be the only one who thinks so. I'm way more critical of myself than anyone else is. I'm in the cycle of "almost" being back on plan, but not totally committed. Back and forth with good choices and bad. You are in good company here. I know many of us struggle with the same issue.
I had many comments from people when my weight was down about being too thin, etc. I haven't had any comments from them on gaining some back. That would be rude emoticon . Doesn't seem to be rude to make those comments when we're losing weight. Anyway, we have to do this for us no matter what other people think or say.

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EDWINA172 7/1/2010 8:06AM

    Don't believe in the superstitious poo that your "friends" are telling you. Break the molds. We create our own future. I never get bored with your blogs. I love the fact that you put into print what I am thinking!

You may feel some comfort from one of my favorite quotes...

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A.Milne

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BEANPOD77 7/1/2010 8:05AM

    John, I echo MickeyMax's comment..I literally find myself giving a little nod and saying "ya, that's true.." so many times as I read your blogs..Gives me another little boost to carry on..Thanks (yet again!)

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WIGIME 7/1/2010 8:02AM

    Ah, don't you just love small towns?! John, I know you have it in you to be successful and you have come too far to let those last few pounds bluff you.

If it takes another month or 2 to lose them, so what? Life isn't perfect. As long as you have your eye on the prize, you'll get there. Of that I have no doubt!

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CMBELISLE 7/1/2010 7:55AM

    I think in some ways we all fear putting it back on. Hopefully, that will make me more diligent in keeping it off this time. I think it's time someone broke the curse and I'm sure it will be you!

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MICKEYMAX 7/1/2010 7:50AM

    It's a bummer some folks could only focus on the negativity. John, I feel encouraged and uplifted every time I see/read one of your blogs. Keep up the good work. I remind myself every day that I am the one who decides what I do, and how I do it, not popular opinion. Just keep doing the good things for yourself and the rest will follow. You rock! emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 7/1/2010 7:40AM

    You aren't cursed unless you choose to be. You have GOT THIS!

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