Thursday, July 01, 2010
I hadn’t been to a lunch meeting of the Optimists for over a month. Work kept me out of town. I was looking forward to seeing a lot of folks I had missed in that time. Everyone that greeted me congratulated me on my weight loss and the article they ran on me in our local paper about healthy life styles.
When I sat down to eat three or four people came over, sat down, looked at me earnestly, and said. “You’re cursed, you know that don’t you?”
Yes I did. You see the last three people my gym featured in their articles not only gained all the weight they lost back they added about fifty percent. This is a small city and everyone knows everyone so people notice and BTW: People are cruel. I’m not going to detail some of their remarks but suffice to say I got scared.
See I am within twenty five pounds of my initial goal weight. I been batting around the same five pounds for a month and even though intellectually I know what’s going on I am still getting scared. I’m scared all the weight is hiding in my bedroom closet again and it’s going to come creeping back on to me and I’ll be a Spark failure. Then no one will love me and BTW did I tell you I’d be a failure?
I am really not sure what can make you more miserable, being fat or being thin? So I did some stuff that I know none of you have ever done, like eating below your calorie levels and amping up your cardio to burn a bit more. Anyone here ever get worried about eating and start cutting some really weird corners because you are scared that an extra bite of whole grain bread is going to add fifteen pounds to you? You may not have done it but a dollar to donuts you thought about it.
As a once famous bald headed female exercise leader said “Stop the Insanity.”
Suffice to say I was a basket case. It was like running a 5K in quicksand (Wonder if they have a podcast for that?) The harder I tried the more bogged down and anxious I got.
I went to a friend’s Spark Page to thank them for something and I actually stopped for a minute and read it. (LOL) They had been someone I had admired for some time and have been successful in fighting the good fight. But I had never read what “they stood for.” Maybe it was because I had all kinds of time on my hands yesterday or maybe my guardian angel sent me there but as I scrolled down the page I saw this line:
“Eat to fuel my body and my life, not just be below my calorie range.”
“Oh wow!!! Someone actually had the same thoughts I did!!!” Weird as it may seem, I felt better and I had a lesson reinforced at the same time. Somewhere in the Bible it says “Nothing is new under the sun.” That one line made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I smiled a bit and actually had a bit of a tear well up in my eye.
“I’m normal,” I whispered.
We think and do crazy things sometimes. Our fears get the best of us and once they latch on to us they are like a pit bull, they don’t let go. Our fears are what drive us into doing silly stuff that only hurts us in the long run.
You guys may get really bored in hearing all this but I really believe three things create a good foundation for our success.
You are worth more than you can ever imagine.
You deserve only the best and should not only expect it but in most cases demand it.
You really are who you hang around with.
There are so many of you who have motivated and inspired me in so many ways and just like yesterday I am so grateful for it. I choose to hang around with really great folks and if you are reading this, you are one of them.
Time for breakfast.