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    FROSTWARRIOR   3,208
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Eating when the wife eats.... does your relationship sabotage your snacking?

Friday, June 25, 2010

I know this is my problem, not my wife's but its something I'm struggling with so I'm venting. Please accept this is a vent.....

My wife has a chronic pain condition, has had a gastro intestinal bypass, multiple follow up surgeries and as a result is disabled. As a result she eats very haphazardly, as she only consumes 40% of what she eats (she's still not a small woman - its medical), she has to eat frequently and often. Due to issues in her past she has a tendency to hoard (she'll buy a ton of food and it sits in the pantry) because if its in the house she doesn't stress.

My point of resistance is that I normally can resist bad things at point of purchase.... however if it is in the house I'll eat it. Often though only if I'm reminded of it - its not necessarily even consciously thinking - one minute its in the kitchen, the next its in the mouth.

Why this background? Well she loves to bake and she has to eat frequently. I'll come home and she'll have baked a dozen cupcakes and before I know it I'll be eating a cupcake. Her snacking is significantly contributing to my snacking. I go hmm I'm hungry I'll eat.... when if she's not eating (away) or something I don't. It means that I eat more at night and on the weekends than I should do. She'll also order chinese etc so I end up eating chinese etc.

I know the issue is mine, and she's comfortable with her weight however sometimes I get frustrated with it - I know I need to find a way to deal with it - however sometimes it is difficult when the smell of cupcakes fills the house.....

Oh well everyday I have to make a choice not to pick up a cupcake.....
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 7/1/2010 3:55AM

    Can I ever identify with you! Hubby is 6'3" and weighs maybe 158, soaking wet. No real health issues, and eats like a horse. Me? Let's just say they could use us for an illustration of Jack Sprat and his wife, lol...

If you have a heart-to-heart with her and she is willing to try using healthier foods for her eating issues, that would help you AND her. If she is willing to stock up on diet-type foods, and order in healthy meals, that would also help. But for the moment, let's just go with 'You can't change other people, so you have to try to change your approach.'

1) When she orders Chinese, or pizza, or whatever, would she be willing to order only enough for herself (so YOU won't be able to have some) while YOU make a convenience meal for yourself? They're not necessarily ideal, I know, but if you have a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza while she has Pizza Hut, maybe it will work better for you while not depriving her of food she can have. You could still order salad for the two of you, as long as it's 'dressing on the side' - and be sure to stay away from the garlic bread or wings, lol...

2) Baking: if she loves to bake, what if she 'creates' recipes? She could focus on creating a really healthy fruit-and-nut bar... fiber-filled muffins... Splenda-based cookies... things like that. Or bake the goodies and freeze a few for herself then give the rest away - soup kitchens, senior citizens' homes, local school bake sale, etc. If they're gone by the time you come home, it won't matter what she baked.

3) The hoarding of food can be a real problem, and I can understand how she feels. You can try hoarding 'healthy' foods, but fresh salad greens and fruit just don't keep all that long, and a lot of the healthiest things are either freezer foods (not necessarily all that healthy) or canned goods (again, often high in sodium / fat). Can you persuade her to slowly make the switch over to healthier items in the cupboard for long-term storage (the hoarding): canned fruit without sugar; some whole-grain cereals; multi-grain bread in the freezer; HC- or WW-type frozen foods; frozen veggie combinations? If her issue is a fear of running out of food, at least she can know that if there wasn't anything 'fresh' on hand, or she didn't feel like cooking / baking, there's something palatable in the house. At the same time, if she wants 'unhealthier' food, that can be the short-term storage (like the baked goods) so there won't be much, if any, of it around when YOU are home.

If she feels the need to have a big variety of foods on hand so she can accommodate what she's in the mood to eat, and she wants a range of things to choose from, that becomes more difficult, of course.

No question, tho, FW, this is a toughie. I had smoked for years, then quit when I had kids. But my then-husband was also a smoker - who quit when I did - but as soon as he started again, I couldn't stand it. Went right back to it. It's one thing to give up a bad habit when you are on your own or are with someone who also wants to join you in a healthier lifestyle. It's something else when you are with someone who doesn't have to (or doesn't choose to) go the healthier route. Best wishes, fella, to you both!

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GRYFFINSONG 6/25/2010 9:50PM

    What shapechanger said, if your wife is open to it.

I really hear you on this issue. It is NOT easy to eat healthy when others have other foods around. I just got back from vacation, which included two gatherings with friends. I brought hummus and pita. The others brought candy and chips. I finally caved and ate some M&Ms. It's HARD to resist yummy things when others present them. Things that I'd never eat if they weren't right in front of me.

Hugs and good luck!!!

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SHAPECHANGER 6/25/2010 9:25PM

    I don't know what advice I can give on not eating along with your wife, but maybe what you eat could change. Since she likes to bake, maybe you can find some healthier versions of recipes here on SparkPeople for your wife to try and bake. If you can do some shopping, and she likes to have things stocked up, maybe you can stock up on healthier foods. I don't know what you would normally order when ordering Chinese, but maybe make sure there are steamed vegetables in the order. Good luck to you!

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WALKINGTHETALK 6/25/2010 6:57PM

    My husband and I call this the "woody-kelly effect" from the tv show Cheers. When they were together they ate together, though it was a mutual problem rather than one sided.

Wish I had some advice, but I don't - I just enjoyed your vent! Good luck though :)

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