Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I really can't count how many times I've started over. Is anyone in the same boat? I'm in the mindset now that it doesn't matter how many times I start again but that I just refocus and keep trying. It's been several months of off and on dieting. I'll do good on Monday and Tuesday but by Wednesday I splurge a little for lunch but eat good for dinner and then on Thursday I splurge on breakfast and lunch and may not eat anything at all for dinner. And here comes Friday which by then I feel like I've already lost the battle so I just go all out and say that I will do better next week except it's just the same vicious cycle each week. But I think I've finally reached my breaking point. I got my hair cut today and I was actually looking at styles that I wanted to get but I kept analyzing each cut saying that cut will not look good on my round face; maybe if my face is not so fat then it would look pretty; or it looks good on her be/c she's skinny. It was one negative thing after another. And I did get the cut that I wanted and it actually does look good but all I could think about when I was sitting in that chair was how ugly I looked in the mirror. I know it's getting bad be/c I change my clothes about 5 times every morning before I can find something to wear to work. I'm just searching for something that makes me look a little better than the outfit I had on before. This has got my turning point. I don't want to continue in my downward spiral. It affects my marriage and my relationship with my child and my friends.
So here's the plan: I'm pulling out my trusted Slim in 6 workouts and starting with that. I will push play 6 days a week for at least 6 weeks. I go on vacation to Tennessee in exactly 6 weeks from Friday so that will be my first goal. I will push play no matter what time of day or night it is. I will go back to my SP recipe books and plan my meals in advance so I won't be tempted to cheat and I will bring my lunch to work with me. I've got to do this...I'm done feeling alone.