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MONTANA_ED
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I broke Mr. Cpap!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Well - I didn't break the machine, but the mask broke yesterday. Lucky for me it happened in the morning. I took it into my provider and they gave me a new one (well, they charged my insurance for it anyway). The thing that amazed them is that it's been TWO years since I got my machine. They told me that most people don't last full year. I just shrugged and said that I try and take good care of things.

I realized something about myself yesterday. I had kind of gotten off track. I had let myself forget why I am doing this weight loss thing. You see - having Mr. Cpap helps me sleep, but (how should I put this) It's not conducive to obtaining a close personal relationship with someone.

I want to lose weight to feel better, have more energy, and live longer. I eventually hope to also attract someone that will share my life with me. I just know that at this point in time that I need to concentrate on me. Trying to date or even be open to such things isn't something I should be doing right now. Breaking my cpap mask reiterated to me just how far I still need to go. Don't get me wrong - I'm not having a pity party here. I'm being realistic. This is something that *I* feel that I must do first.

I haven't been slacking on my exercise - but I have been sliding a bit on my eating. I guess that after all this time it's to be expected. However, I am renewing my dedication to myself to follow through with this plan of mine.

Trust me - I will still get out and have fun with my friends. I'm going to attend all those functions like baseball games and live performances. I just know that I have to put myself first and to get my weight down. There is no other way to put it. I can do it. I've lost 50 pounds so far and I will lose even more.

So I'm glad that Mr. Cpap broke. I find it interesting that things seem to happen to us at points in our lives that make us stop and think. I'm looking forward to whatever the future may hold in store for me. At least that is more than I had about a year ago when my future looked pretty bleak (according to my doctor). There will be a time that I can put Mr. Cpap a way and I'm looking forward to that day.

Now it's time to put my head up, sweat my ass off, and get out there and enjoy what the world has to show me. Life is great!

Onwards...

(Edit - GRIN thanks for the comments, but I guess this came across wrong. I'm actually quite happy with my single person status right now. Life is great and I know it's just going to keep getting better.)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MISHKALA
    Good job on keeping up with the CPAP. My husband had one of those and it helped a great deal. (And he was a fitness trainer!) Ultimately, he ended up having surgery and his sleep and his health improved - now I can sleep without having to stay slightly awake to make sure he's breathing! Just keep up with the healthy steps Ed. You're a true role model! emoticon
    2161 days ago
  • v BARBROCKS
    I had an old boyfriend that used a CPAP. I thought it was pretty sexy... of course it might have had something to do with my Darth Vader fantasies.
    2163 days ago
  • v 1DEBIE1
    Good job on using your CPAP. Not an easy change to undertake, but necessary for not only good sleep, but a healthier life.

    I used to work in Sleep Research, here at the university, and quite aware of the "challenges" that come with added equipment in bed.

    Additionally, I've had two partners, in the past, who used a CPAP. One refused to use it on the nights I stayed over-which created a VERY restless night of sleep for the both us, while the other one who did use it, lulled me to sleep with the whooshing, and we both slept like babies.

    Hopefully, with additional weight loss you'll no longer need to use it, but if you do, then so be it. All things are workable.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2163 days ago
  • v CJJANISS
    I love your blogs...I was supposed to get a CPAP but I didn't ...my brother got one and showed me what his looked like...I'm just working on losing the weight and won't need one anyways...I know sleep is very important...I added you as a friend....hope that's ok...good luck!


    2163 days ago
  • v CMB2048
    Love reading your blogs! They make me smile!
    2163 days ago
  • v DAVEW175
    Ed, 50 lbs is a huge accomplishment. Hopefully once you reach your weight goal you won't need the machine. Keep it up!
    2164 days ago
  • v SHAUNDA
    My DH had a CPAP and it made a great difference but he hated it. So, he had surgery to trim his pallet (I think that was what it was) and we had a mouth piece built by our dentist. Between the mouth piece and surgery all is well. The bottom line, everyone needs to get a good night's sleep to even start to get healthy so wear those CPAP's people! Get sleep, be healthy!

    Way to go, Ed!
    2164 days ago
  • v REVJVH
    I struggle with the CPAP, but I try to keep it on. I have the nose pillow mask, and often find that I've whipped it off in the middle of the night. I sure do sleep better with it, though.
    2165 days ago
  • v ARILLIUS60
    Keep up the good work! One day at a time really works, and when that seems too much one moment at a time. emoticon
    2165 days ago
  • v -LORINDA
    I LOVE your blogs!!! Just remember...breathing = good!! I worked in a sleep lab for a few months, and I would put CPAP's on the snoring peeps in the middle of the night. It was amazing to see the difference in their O2 sats after they put it on. I'm glad you're still using yours 2 years later. So many people throw it in the closet.

    Good luck and good job!! emoticon
    2165 days ago
  • v LJMBCG
    Oops -- didn't mean to post twice!
    2165 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/22/2010 6:57:22 PM
  • v LJMBCG
    Hi Ed -- My hubby got Mr. CPAP about 2 months ago and believe me -- he's much sexier now since he doesn't snore, snort, or stop breathing! LOL -- maybe I just think that because I can also get some sleep now too! Linda
    2165 days ago
  • v LRKNOBS
    I enjoyed your comment about wearing the CPAP and being intiment. (I laughed out loud) I remember when I first rec'd my machine, I looked at it and I said to my doctor, "How am I supposed to wear this and try to be sexy?" He was a little taken back by the question...after he gained his composure he said maybe your husband is into Darth Vader!
    2166 days ago
  • v 2TIGRE
    MontanaEd - Ok, first and foremost, what's a Mr. Cpap? I know, I could just google it and find out but I just thought I would ask you. Secondly, right now, it is all about you. You have to get healthy first. That doesn't mean becoming a hermit but you know what I'm talking about.

    When I got divorced umpteen yrs ago, I too wanted to find someone special again but I had so many other issues (mental & emotional), I knew I would be a mess if I got into another relationship before taking care of my other needs.

    Fast forward two years and some serious work with a phenomenal shrink, I was so much healthier in every way (I became a became a vegatarian then and quit smoking) and it wasn't long before I met the love of my life (hubby #2). After 14yrs, he's still my love and I am so glad I met him when I did.

    Take care of yourself right now and love will find you again - when you're least expecting it.

    emoticon
    2166 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/22/2010 2:03:53 PM
  • v WANNABE751
    Your positivity is awesome.
    2166 days ago
  • v GRITS46
    Ed, those little nudges are priceless, aren't they? I'm so glad you've made yourself a priority. That's often hard for us humans to do, but once we get it, it's OK. Glad your reviewing your commitment and keeping on keeping on!
    2166 days ago
  • v SLY_REDUX
    I've got a Darth Vader mask too, and I love it.
    2166 days ago
  • v PJGABRIEL
    I hate by CPAP, in fact have not used it much lately but have been sleeping better. You will be OK, and now that you are more determined it will be even better.
    emoticon emoticon
    2166 days ago
  • v SUGIRL06
    Sometimes you just need that little reminder. You are right, you come first!
    ~Ang
    2166 days ago
  • v CARRIEMT
    Think about it more like farting in front of your loved one for the first time. It's a little akward, but eventually you come to an understanding/compromise.
    I used to be on my nebulizer all the time when I was a kid, I was seriously embarrased to be hooked up to a loud, large machine. I was terrified when my grade school sweetheart saw it and I thought he'd think differently of me. Nope, he was concerned, but completely understanding- we're still friends today.
    The point is that everyone has issues in the intimate arena- it's workable, it's not an impass.
    2166 days ago
  • v SBOYKIN
    Good thinking and appropos to me too. Thank you for posting emoticon
    Let's check in next week for progress reports (positive attitude AND activity)
    2166 days ago
  • v IUHRYTR
    Nothing wrong with a new beginning or re-dedication. Most of us have them frequently. Hang tough one positive day at a time. -- Lou
    2166 days ago
  • v BRINI24
    I have to agree with MINIDRIVER on this one! You are adorable and when you find that lucky someone, they will be getting a great catch!! Let things happen naturally, that way when it does happen it is real, it is romantic, and it is meant to be!! Love happens in strange ways and I have found that when I was looking, I was doing it wrong, but when you let it just happen naturally, it turns out to be something from out of this world:)
    2166 days ago
  • v LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD
    Well said! You do need to concentrate on being a great guy ... to yourself!

    emoticon
    2166 days ago
  • v MINIDRIVER63
    Well, Ed, you're cute as a button and so is the curly-haired guy behind you!

    Don't let your weight or your Cpap get in the way of you finding someone special. I know several eligible bachelors who have sleep apnea and that doesn't get in the way of romance! Don't close yourself off because of your health and weight loss journey - who knows, maybe you'll find someone with similar goals!

    Great attitude, with that you can't fail.


    2166 days ago
  • v MRE1956
    Wow....can't imagine having one of those contraptions bust....sure couldn't have been much fun.....let's hope for that day you can say goodbye to Mr. CPAP once and for all!
    2166 days ago
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