Well - I didn't break the machine, but the mask broke yesterday. Lucky for me it happened in the morning. I took it into my provider and they gave me a new one (well, they charged my insurance for it anyway). The thing that amazed them is that it's been TWO years since I got my machine. They told me that most people don't last full year. I just shrugged and said that I try and take good care of things.

I realized something about myself yesterday. I had kind of gotten off track. I had let myself forget why I am doing this weight loss thing. You see - having Mr. Cpap helps me sleep, but (how should I put this) It's not conducive to obtaining a close personal relationship with someone.

I want to lose weight to feel better, have more energy, and live longer. I eventually hope to also attract someone that will share my life with me. I just know that at this point in time that I need to concentrate on me. Trying to date or even be open to such things isn't something I should be doing right now. Breaking my cpap mask reiterated to me just how far I still need to go. Don't get me wrong - I'm not having a pity party here. I'm being realistic. This is something that *I* feel that I must do first.

I haven't been slacking on my exercise - but I have been sliding a bit on my eating. I guess that after all this time it's to be expected. However, I am renewing my dedication to myself to follow through with this plan of mine.

Trust me - I will still get out and have fun with my friends. I'm going to attend all those functions like baseball games and live performances. I just know that I have to put myself first and to get my weight down. There is no other way to put it. I can do it. I've lost 50 pounds so far and I will lose even more.

So I'm glad that Mr. Cpap broke. I find it interesting that things seem to happen to us at points in our lives that make us stop and think. I'm looking forward to whatever the future may hold in store for me. At least that is more than I had about a year ago when my future looked pretty bleak (according to my doctor). There will be a time that I can put Mr. Cpap a way and I'm looking forward to that day.

Now it's time to put my head up, sweat my ass off, and get out there and enjoy what the world has to show me. Life is great!

Onwards...

(Edit - GRIN thanks for the comments, but I guess this came across wrong. I'm actually quite happy with my single person status right now. Life is great and I know it's just going to keep getting better.)