Normally I'm only here to post what I've eaten, what I've drunk and what I've lost, but tonight I decided to post about how happy I'm feeling now that I'm FINALLY accomplishing the weightloss I've been wanting to accomplish for a long time.
There is still a little part of me that is wary, wondering if some other negative thing is going to happen to make me give up again --but I'm not letting it get to me, after all, just like so many other people, I too deserve good things and will not let the past stop me anymore !

So there's still 14.2lbs. clinging to my body but it won't be long before it is gone-o-la woohoo ! It's been slow, I could have been at my goal several weeks ago but so what, at least I'm still keeping on track and I've long since stopped being 'concerned' about having to lose the weight quickly. I finally understand that patience & perserverance are key, not worry, whining if I gain, whining about exercising, etc...how is that supposed to make you lose weight ? I simply told myself that time is going by so fast & if I don't do something NOW, then by the end of the following week I'll be feeling like crap yet again, feeling sorry for myself, staying at home again, hating my tight clothes, yadda yadda yadda. Now that's no fun is it ? Once I got back into my walking & cutting back on big plates of food, things began to change. Now I'm at the point where I no longer can eat an entire bag of Dorito's --oh it is possible but my body has a huge argument with me and I get punished by feeling like crap all night ( sweating, restlessness, just plain feeling gross ). It feels great to only be able to eat half of what I use to eat :) But my biggest thrill is being able to wear some of my old clothes again woohoo ! I even have a pair of multi-coloured plaid pants from the late 1980's, my most fav. piece of clothing ever from my New-Wave/punk days. My goal is to be able to wear them out again --and I can fit in them now, even do them up, but they're still a wee too snug. I think they look pretty good still ;)

Anywhoo, there's my happy rant. I plan to step it up a notch in the following weeks, only because I'm now getting a bit impatient with taking my time ha-ha :D We got a sweet cuddly boxer pup named Jujubes on May 15th., she's been taking up a lot of our time but I've been getting my exercise by doing lots of running around the garden, throwing balls, chasing her, etc...and I really want to get back into my walking and stair-stepping again.

For those of you who are afraid of that first step, who feel frustrated, etc...just ask yourself if you are happy where you are now. If not, then why are you afraid ? Imagine if you did nothing, what would you look and feel like next year ? Would you be feeling any happier ? Would you still be keeping to yourself, hiding away at home with your junk food & tv shows/computer games ? Would that sore leg/hip etc..or your diabetes/heart aches etc...still be there ? Is that what you want ? Do you really want to be able to go for long refreshing walks, along the ocean/lakeside/city ? Go to movies and be able to sit in the seat comfortably without pain/heavy breathing ? Walk up stairs without resorting to the elevator ? Then what are you afraid of ? What are you waiting for ? Start NOW and you WILL be there ! We all have the power to achieve what we want and to hell with those who think you don't. To hell with those who don't support you, who belittle you, poop on you, don't take you seriously. You are you, you are not your mother/father/sibling/friend etc...you are you and you have the power to achieve what you want :) So many people try to force one another to do their bidding, to become what they want. Forget about that, be yourself, stay true, stay strong.
I've had many years where I gave up on my true self because of caring for my aging mother. I loved her so but she could be needy and sometimes hurtful, I let it get to me and I gained weight. I felt trapped with her. It affected how I was with my husband and son, I always wanted to go away somewhere on my own, to get away from absolutely everything. Then she passed in 2008 and it took me 2 years to finally start becoming Tracy again. I walked away from 2 friendships because they reminded me of my mom, it felt awful but also quite freeing. I began getting rid of stuff in our house, things I thought had sentimental value but really didn't. There have been many times when I'd just suddenly cry, a real deep pain in the heart cry, as if I was releasing all the anger I had holed up inside of me. Often times, when no one was home, I'd have angry conversations with mom's spirit, telling her how I hated her for making me feel guilty so many times, etc..And you know, I think maybe she heard me, or perhaps 'felt' me, felt the deep pain and how much love I had for her, how much hope I carried for her, hope that she would be more joyful, more understanding of me...and then the tears would suddenly stop and I'd feel this deep calm..and then I would quietly appologise to mom --a n even quieter voice, more like a whisper, would say "it's okay sweetheart, I do understand and I know now. Things will be okay". Then I would continue on with what I was doing, feeling so good, so refreshed, so eager to take on the world !

Well that was a long rant lol ! Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my blabbing and my 'getting it all out'. I could go on but I think you've got the idea of what I'm saying about weightloss. You CAN do it, it really doesn't take that long, especially when you know you can eat practicallly whatever you want, just not great gobs of it. And do let yourself have at least one 'free' day, the day where you don't count calories and let yourself have that treat. My day is Saturday and sometimes Sunday evening. Yes, I do go and buy a bag of candy, usually either Junior Mints, or caramels or chocolate rosebuds, and maybe a bag of chips. The junk is put into bowls so I can limit myself, it works out great this way because I usually have leftovers for Sunday night. I still drink my water on my free day, it's at the point where I often crave water now. Then from Monday to Friday I eat healthy and usually get some form of exercise everyday --but that is my choice to exercise everyday--and especially with a new puppy it is even more enjoyable.
**Just to let you know, I still eat some healthy stuff on the weekend because I don't want o shock my body with sudden intake of crap. My junk food is usually kept until the evening.

Now i really do have to pop off of here lol !

Take care all. Be yourself, envision your lighter self, keep away from the negative nellie's, keep going if you gain back a pound or two it's no big deal, you will get there, don't be in a hurry, slow and steady wins the race

Tracy