Monday, June 14, 2010
First of all, husband should die for bringing chocolate chip cookie dough in the house. I don't have the kind of self-control to resist. Raw is good for me, but the smell of baking cookies. . . oh, man!
So, I ate two tonight. I was beating myself up over it (bad pattern I can't seem to shake) and came to spark to log it in and see just how much damage I had done.
I ended the day within parameters. The fact that I didn't completely bomb brought to my mind this. WHY would I think that eating two cookies would send me into a spiral that would lead to gaining 100 lbs.?!?!
Any one who knows me well will agree that I tend to see the glass half-full. Along my journey to a healthy body, I need to make sure mental health is found also. I HAVE to shake this defeatist attitude that really implies that I believe either I'm going to fail to reach my goal OR I'll gain it back.
One thing I know is that once I get down, I need more accountability. SP is good for the journey, but when I started gaining weight back, I simply disappeared. That's easy to do here. I have to find one person IRL that I can touch base with at LEAST once per month who will remind me how hard I worked to get to that healthy place and that I DON'T want to go back. Unfortunately the only person in my extended family or friends who might do that for me is my 11 yo son and that's TOO much to put on him. He encourages me now and is awesome and I wouldn't trade that for the world, but he can't feel responsible for my health/life.
I'd be interested to get input from those who've kept it off. I swore I would NEVER weigh over 150 when I was in college, but I've been over 300 (I think 329 is the highest I can remember). I can swear I'll never gain the weight back, but obviously it takes WAY more than that.