Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Well after 3 long months of doing just horribly with my eating and doing absolutely no exercise I finally have had my second "moment" of clarity. Last night after I came up stairs from working ( I work from home) it was 9pm and my husband was sitting in the living room watching TV, I went right to the freezer and got myself a heaping bowl of ice cream and sat down to enjoy...my husband looked at me and said "What do youj think your doing?" "What??" I said back to him with more than a hint of irritation in my voice. This is what he said to me: "It is so irrisponsible for you to sit there 50 plus ounds over weight and think that it's okay for you to eat a bowl of ice cream at 9pm at night, you have two beautiful children to think about and the way your weight is going up these days you are putting your self at risk for not being around for them and leaving me to raise them by myself" I was SO MAD that he would say something like that to me! I work hard all day and if I want to have a bowl of ice cream at the end of the night well jeeze don't I deserve it?! I muttered something sarcastic under my breath and I stomped off to bed...laying there silently and brimming with anger I began to sob...I sobbed because I knew what my husband was telling me was the truth, I sobbed because I want to care enough about myself and my family to be healthy and I sobbed because I was angry at myself for letting myself get to this point again. Finally I fell asleep and the next morning my eyes popped open at 5am which is very unusl for me...I'm not a morning person and I hate to get up early...but my eyes popped open and it was like something took over my body because before I knew it I was up, putting on my sneakers and heading for the treadmill. I used my HRM and put in 30 minutes of walking....at 5:30am!!! I have NEVER in my life ( or atleast not in the last 10 years) exercised at 5:30am...but it felt so good...it felt SO GOOD to accomplish something like that...I ate a healthy breakfast, took a shower and here I am...ready to succeed this time.