My Fat Day
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
So this is going to be yet another really short blog.
First of all, to get this outta the way. I am having a really sucky day. I got a job offer from this company. But it wasn't a job offer, it was a temp agency. And it was two hours from my house, in an area I don't want to work. But it's not a temp agency, it's something else. I would have to report to them weekly, daily if I don't get placed. I would be employed by them and unable to use internet, mail, phones, or pretty much talk to anyone at a company where I am placed. I get paid by this company, and they get paid more for placing me. If I get a job offer at a company I am placed at, I can't talk about it without going through this company. If I see a job posting, I can't apply without letting them know.
I'm sure a lot of it is standard, but seriously, I applied for a 6hr/wk position through their website via another job website. I don't want to drive 2 hrs with gas I don't have so I can be possibly considered for a job where I am underpaid and constantly moving around locations. My anxiety would not be able to take it.
Plus, my sister and her boyfriend are having a blowout fight, I'm stuck in the middle. I changed my entire schedule tonight for a show that isn't on after all. My brother and his fiancee are having another fight, and she won't leave him alone long enough for me to give him the money I owe him for the freaking bridal shower we are having this weekend FOR HER, which she is pissed about because no one will ruin the surprise just for her.
But the big thing is the shopping.
Today, the women of my family, for my mom's birthday, did a day of shopping, mostly for wedding stuff. Now, I have no money, and right now I have invested just under $300 in f'ing s*** for this wedding and shower, for a wedding that I am not sure is going to happen, plus all I hear about is that my future SIL, who is also unemployed (her choice) has sat around and gained enough weight that even her corset can't get her into her dress. And I want to laugh at her, because I know what she says about me and trying to lose weight.
Anyway, I don't have much money left, but I was willing to spend the cash to get some good underwear, and jewelry (oh, my hair, so now I've invested closer to 350 or 400). I went to the store to buy a nice strapless bra or one piece. I preferred a one piece boned bustier or something just because strapless and I don't do well for long periods of time, and OMG, I wrote my senior thesis on the art of corsetry, God help me if I wasn't going to find some way to be laced into my dress.
And I tried on the largest sizes of every single strapless bra, strapless one piece, STRAPPED one piece, and girdle, and heck no, nothing fit. They have plus sizes, and one of them barely squeezed on, but lo and behold, it comes down to about two inches above my belly button, so it tucks in the flattest part of my stomach and highlights my flabby belly. Yeah, perfect. Who in their right mind would buy something so short, for the sake of tucking in, when you are the type to NEED such a large band size. Now my family is one of well endowed women, and I get needing a huge cup size but having a tiny belly. My sister had to buy a 36 F, but she bought a 36, not a 46. She needed the littlest tucking, but she also got a normal thing, which went down to her hips.
My mother found something within ten minutes, my sister took 15, with experimenting. I was there for an hour and a half and walked out with nothing.
We bought dresses for the shower, my sister found five cute larges, with shape. I am wearing a (beautiful, but) shapeless bag that hide every single inch of my person. It was the only thing that fit right in the entire store.
I hate shopping, and the more weight I lose, the more I hate it. Because I am not down a dress size, or a pants size, or any type of size. Clothes just don't fit right anywhere anymore. They hang weirdly, or don't fit at all. And I really had very little idea of my size until I started losing weight. Now, I know, and it sucks. Completely.
SO yeah, bad day, fat day. moody day, too. Now I'm off to eat supper and try to find something to do until Glee comes on.