Monday, June 07, 2010
As my birthday approaches once again, I can't help but reflect on what I have not accomplished in the last year. Still the same fat slug that I used to be, but now I am paying for a gym membership that I don't use often enough. Still unemployed, still in debt, still trying to keep\ my kitchen clean enough to be sanitary. Still.....I some sort of basic satisfaction is missing from my life.
I think I was beginning to make a little progress in this journey, trying to get active, trying to play with my kids, trying to keep the junk food out of the house, but then I feel and broke my wrist. And now 3 months later I have slid right back where I was. Dragging myself to the gym is almost impossible, I am back to heating dinner instead of making it and I am back to desperately trying to keep my weight under 250. My wrist is mostly recovered, though it will never be the same. I have more metal in it than bone and things like lifting weights and yoga are still off the table. But that is only an excuse and I know it. Honestly, I think I was looking for an excuse to stop one.....more.....time....becau
se once again I wasn't seeing results of any kind.
My DH announced last night that this is going to be his month to get healthy. Which means he is going to drop and bunch of weight and I am going to feel bad. He makes it look so easy! But when he is at the gym, I am home with the kids. When he is packing a sensible lunch, I am eating the kids leftovers while standing over the sink. Ugh. I want to be happy for him, but it just makes me feel worse for myself. Guess I am just jealous in the worst possible way. Is that weird?