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    KELLYBW3   15,445
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OCD/Perfectionist monkey is on the sneak attack

Thursday, June 03, 2010

I've learned over the past few months of Sparkin' it that I struggle with emotional eating and making less than conscious choices during my week of PMS. I think that for three months I've dealt with it pretty well. It took several days each month to realize what was happening - I didn't want to eat healthily, I wanted to do a little binging and I didn't really feel like exercising (do you hear the whine?). Once I realized what was happening, I just went with it and didn't exercise so much, and ate some not so healthy choices and recognized the binge inducing feelings and affirmed them. I managed each month to jump right back in with relish shortly after I got my period., both with exercise and healthy eating. So this month, my icky week was last week and I think maybe I bought in too much to the "let it slide" attitude. Now I'm having trouble with not feeling perfect and a lot of those old feelings of being a loser seem to be sneaking back in. I KNOW it's happening and I STILL can't seem to shake it. I've actually MISSED logging in two days over the last week and I've skipped of few days of food tracking. I should be able to say, "fine, today is a new day" but I'm resisting that. I've got a monkey on my shoulder telling me "I KNEW you'd screw up eventually". Which is totally wacky because I've not been going for "perfect" at all. I've been eating everything in moderation. I'm not sure what part of my behavior last week is what's eating at me. I need to either figure it out and be ok with it or I just need to move on and be ok with it. I've been trying to move on but each day throws up new challenges that I'm not meeting to my expectations. This is where I'm afraid the OCD monkey might win. I'm a little frightened. I've felt so strong all these months. Where is this coming from???

Much to ponder...Or maybe I shouldn't ponder and should just get on with it, already!!!
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