I used to journal all the time. When I was involved with life, the world around me, other people. Everything seemed so exciting and new and IMPORTANT.
I wrote down my thoughts, my feelings, my ideas, poems, dreams, interpretations of events, meditations.
It all seemed so relevant, so inspired.
and now...............or at least the last 12 years , I should say, I haven't done anything even remotely worth committing to paper. Most of the things I've done, I don't even want to think about, let alone write them down, (ack.)
So, I'm wondering...........if I was in peak health---mentally/physically/s
piritually/emotionally when I was journaling before, and I'm starting to glimpse, just glimpse something that resembles all those things---------could journaling now be a useful tool that would help me on my path back to living well?
I know it will only work if I'm honest, and I don't know how honest I can be on a blog. I don't even know if I could be honest in a notebook beside my bed. I've lied so much the past decade, I might not even know what honesty looks like.
Perhaps I should have solicited the opinion of my daughter, a gifted and talented writer, a soaring intellectual and an all around enlightened being. But I'm so afraid that she would encourage me, get excited for me, and then be disappointed by me. Again.
I don't know, maybe I'll just log on and talk about food. God knows, I can do that all damn day. Maybe if I get comfortable typing my thoughts about gastronomy and sending them off into cyberspace, something that's actually important or insightful might accidentally show up and meaningful thoughts will emerge without me realising it. Then , in some stream-of-consciousness miracle, it will be committed to 'paper' and I can finally find whatever meaning or revelation or truth I've been searching for ..................
I guess we'll see.
I wonder if I should tell anyone I'm doing this, or just wait and see who falls in to my weirdness.
I think I'll wait.
Wait and see what the universe has in store for this little corner of the blogosphere that is destined to contain all the ramblings of a once enlightened being seeking redemption.
Here goes nuthin......................