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    MSXENOVIA   20,845
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Trying to get my spark back.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Since about the third week in January I've been in a deep depression. Part of me (about 25%) is really trying to dig out, part of me (another 25%) is patiently hopeful & waiting for it to pass, and the rest of me is for crawling into a hole and pulling it in after me.

I'd like to say that Sparkpeople is helping my efforts to dig out, but that would be a lie. Right off the bat, I always spin the lowest number on the Spark Wheel..confirmation that I'm a loser. Then, everyone is so positive and upbeat...there's no place for gloomy gus me in that crowd. Sigh.

On the other hand, I do keep coming back. I do try a few minutes of a workout, I read a few articles, I huddle with a couple of teams. It may feel boring and pointless, but maybe there's still a bit of a Spark within me that can be nurtured and brought back to brightness. Or maybe I'm just stubborn.

LOL
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANLEEW 5/26/2010 11:34PM

    My brother takes an antidepressent, jogs, does Yoga 2 times a week, watches a few of his grandchildren for his kids. That is an all around approach. The mix is important. Physical activity does improve the situation. I think I spun low numbers on the wheel for at least 30 days straight. It's a number. Choose us, choose to move, choose well. We are here to help and support you.

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FITKAT2010 5/26/2010 6:18PM

    What I want to say may not seem good to you at this time. Maybe it will. So, please forgive me (or not), in advance. Here goes:

Being perpetually in depression could mean a couple of things. I would start eating whole foods (which I do) and see if it is nutritional in part. Then, I'd force myself to do cardio every day and S/T a couple of times a week. You may need an endorphin high. Are you on any meds for this? If so, have them checked by your doctor. Did an incident happen prior to your bout that you are hanging on to and beating yourself up over? If so, I'd recommend you let it go. When you were growing up did one of your parents exhibit depression as a way to cope with life? If so you may be following in their footsteps. Your choice.

Only you can pull yourself out of this. Everyone is actually depressed most of the time. Look at all our addictions: food, drugs, cigarettes, people-yes relationships!, spending money, gambling, and the list continues.

True happiness is difficult to acquire from something outside you. However, it can be experienced. We must let go of the reasons for the depression. One of the main reasons is because we simply are feeling sorry for ourselves.

There you have my ten cents worth.

If you want, SparkMail me.

Kat

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TRACKMOMMA22 5/26/2010 5:06PM

  The first step is to keep coming back. I know how you feel. I've struggled with depression many times over. I hate how dark the world feels when I'm that way. Gather your friends & family around you. Let them & us sparkfriends uplift you. Remember that as long as you are trying you are not a loser. It's only when you quit that you become that. If all else fails might I suggest a trip to the doctor to discuss your depression if you haven't already. Keep it up! I know you can do it!

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