Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wow. I haven't blogged in a week. To be honest, I haven't really had all that much to say. I've been coming to terms with my last blog and letting the idea of becoming an "athlete" truly sink in. I like it. I'm game for it. I'm making plans to exercise more and start my training.
TOM's also in town this week and I think my uterus is trying to kill me. Seriously, it hurts. So I'm looking forward to the pool tonight to work through some of the cramping.
I have one more weekend of shows before I am restored to a normal weekend schedule. It's bittersweet. I'm going to miss this cast and this show - I've learned so much, felt so much, become so much more aware of myself and my issues during this show. And, I've managed to maintain a schedule that allows time for me AND the show during this whole process - something that I've never done before. Usually the show takes over my life - I eat fast food, sleep whenever possible, don't even think about exercising, and continually promise that I'll get healthy again once the show is over. But the truth of the matter is that when the show IS over, I usually end up giving myself a couple weeks "off" because "I deserve it", "I've worked so hard", "I need a rest" and then that two weeks turns into a month, then into two months, and before I know it I'm working on another show and treating myself poorly again "out of necessity". Not an excuse anymore. I have realized that the better I treat myself, the more I am able to do and the more I get out of what I'm doing. I'm more prepared to be active and don't resent people asking me to do things because I'm physically too tired to move my large behind. Now I'm ready for the show to be over so that I can fit in more exercise. Use the weekend hours that I've spent in a dark theatre to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather, dust of Roxie (my pink easy-rider bike), and plan a yard sale (I desperately need to get rid of some junk)!
Otherwise, besides a short visit from my parents over the weekend, I've spent this week like I'm assuming a lot of Americans spent the week - saying goodbye to the season of television that has consumed the better part of my weekday evenings since my rehearsals ended. Oh LOST - how I shall miss you. Biggest Loser, Dancing With The Stars, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Castle, V, Flash Forward - the list goes on and on and on...
Seriously? Almost 10 shows (most of which are an hour or more in length) I'm keeping up with every week on top of my already insanely busy schedule. It's kind of disgusting to list them all out. But I'll be perfectly honest - I. LOVE. TELEVISION. It's the perfect relationship. When I want to laugh, it makes me laugh. When I want to cry, a drama is as close as the click of a button. When I want company, it's always there. When I want to fall in love, I have fallen in love with Rick and Jack and Sawyer and McDreamy. I've tried to break up with television before - it didn't last long. The people on the screen are my friends, my entertainment, and seem to know just what I need after a long day of work. I think at times I have a more meaningful relationship with my t.v. than I do with my boyfriend.
But I'm on Week 5 of my Healthy Diet Habits schedule "Eating With a Purpose" which involves cutting out distracted eating. While I have been working on doing this since before I started SparkPeople and have gotten pretty good at only eating when I'm hungry, one of the weekly suggestions is refraining from eating in front of the television. I tried this a few months back at the suggestion of my nutritionist. I did it for about a week and then couldn't handle it anymore. It was too quiet. To unnerving. Too lonely. I needed to eat with my friends - and they were in the living room. So back to eating in front of the television I go. I have made rules with myself that I only eat things in front of the television that have been properly measured out. I have to check in with myself during each commercial break to make sure I've had enough, and any walking back and forth to the fridge while watching t.v. is only to get more water. So far it's been working - but I know this is a habit that I am going to have to break eventually. And if I want the SparkPoints this week for that step of the process (and I do love my SparkPoints), I have to do it - consistently. And there is no better time now that all the shows are over to break myself of this habit - *insert audible whine here*.
I always eat with distraction. Whether I'm eating on the run, in front of my computer at work, at the theatre before a show, or out with friends, sitting down to a meal by myself, in my kitchen, at the table is really unheard of. My kitchen table is a dumping ground for my purse, old magazines, mail coupons, dirty dishes, food prep and more often than I'd like to admit, my cat's bottom - bad kitty. I've tried the pretty center-piece, the scented candle, keeping it cleared off - it's still not a place I like to eat.
Under all of this is a larger issue with social eating and a lack of friends that I haven't fully worked through yet, but for the time being, t.v. is filling the void and I'm just not so sure I can give it up that easily.
So - since I'm working on doing everything in moderation - I'm going to consciously work towards curbing my appetite for television while we're in the low season...I'm still woefully addicted to The Bachelorette so Monday nights will still need to include a couple hours of smut - but only after my weekly 2.5 mile walk home from work. It's a good payoff. But for the rest of the week, I'm really going to try not to rush to catch up on all the seasons I've missed on Netflix and try to be anywhere BUT in my living room for the summer.
Maybe if I sell my couch in the yard sale it will stop calling to me!