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SUZETTE26
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The Reluctant Spark

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm very reluctant to do this. I have tried it before, but with out much conviction.
I'm 53 and have been through it all before. I feel I'm doomed to be fat forever.
I wonder if it is even necessary to loose weight. I know it would
be healthier, I would look better, be able to buy jeans or anything off the
rack. I wouldn't have to hide from mirrors or camera's. I'm also single, and it would
improve my chances of meeting "the one"..do I even want to do that? When "the one"
comes along, I should be ready. Then again aren't there plenty of fat women who have
men who love them no matter their size? Shouldn't a man love me at any size?
One of my problems is that I can't love my self the way I look now, so how could I accept
a man loving my body the way it is? I don't look anything like the girls in movies and tv,
or what a women is supposed to look like. I just see a big blob...who wants a blob?
My problem is an overall reluctance to live life really. The fat is not only genetic, but it is also symptom of overall lack of discipline that spills into all aspects of my life. I'm a horrible time manager. I look at things and don't deal with them until it's absolutely necessary.
I'm the queen of procrastination. I have too much clutter in my life. My house is not
like those seen on hoarders...but I do have too much crap. I always say I'll take care of this
or that when I'm on vacation...but vacations come and I don't do it. I'll find any reason not to
do something. Is it laziness or just a lack of desire? I think I have desire but no motivation to
back it up. So...by joining this and blogging I hope to find motivation. Today I walked for 45 min.
I live in Tahoe, so just step out the door and there is beauty. I went to a beautiful river today.
It's a first step. It's hard to walk here in the winter...there is snow and ice for months on end, but now I have no excuse. I'll see what I can accomplish tomorrow...I hope more than today.
If this seems like a downer blog...well..it's how I feel. I'm being honest as best I can.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v FITKAT2010
    I feel that this has been a lifetime pattern. Complacency/remorse.

    You can change it.

    Perhaps you are too afraid of having life not have this pattern.

    That is pretty standard. We all are afraid of change. We can't control it.


    2256 days ago
  • v JOHNWBROCKSR777
    STAY THE COURSE! YOU can DO it!
    2256 days ago
  • v KAKIPOPUP
    One step at a time - the whole project is overwhelming. Find something you can do today, like your walk.

    Be gentle with yourself.
    2256 days ago
  • v MISSINGNAKOTA
    You not only said a mouthful but ver candidly. All I can say is THANK YOU VERY MUCH for the Honesty. Says alot about myself as well and you have helped me realise some of my own drawbacks. emoticon
    2256 days ago
  • v CDP2II
    Suzette!

    Darlin you are among friends, no worries there! I'm so proud of you for writing this blog and posting your progress. Have you ever heard of the Flylady? Her name is Marla Cilley and is one of the most wonderful God has ever created. Sometime you should go and check her out, I think you will find inspiration from her. You can join her mailing list by going to her page. The url is: http://www.flylady.org

    I hope you are not offended in any way by this suggestion and if perhaps you are I'm sorry. I hope this message finds you having an awesome day and hopefully I'll see you around more:)

    Blessings,
    Flybaby Christy
    2256 days ago
  • v DOLPHINFAN1334
    YOU CAN DO IT. TRY NOT TO GET TOO DOWN ON YOURSELF AND JUST REMEMBER THAT THE BEST WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF IS SLOWLY. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT WHEN PEOPLE LOSE WEIGHT REALLY FAST THEY END UP GAINING IT BACK AND THEN SOME. HAVE A GREAT DAY AND KEEP US POSTED ON YOUR SUCCESS!! emoticon emoticon
    2256 days ago
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