Sunday, May 16, 2010
I can remember 34+ years ago standing at the back of the church sanctuary on my father's arm looking down the aisle at my husband to be and thinking for a brief instant -- do you know what the hell you are doing?? But the thought was fleeting and I walked down the aisle and said my I do's without regretting it.
How did I know that our love was true and I wanted to commit to this man for the rest of my life?
Without a doubt it was the first time that I visited his apartment and we had made popcorn. I tipped the bowl a little and spilled a few kernels on the floor. He quickly PRODUCED A BROOM AND SAID "MAN! I JUST WASHED THIS FLOOR"!
Despite my youth and raging lust hormones, wisely I recognized that there was more to life than making out, and that any man that owned a broom and a mop AND knew how to use them, was a viable candidate for my lifetime mate!
I haven't been disappointed all these years. To this day, he pulls his share of the housework.
BUT -- I can remember the first time we argued about anything after we were married. No, I can't recall what it was about, but I can remember that I was mortified. The only thing we even remotely argued about before getting married was jokingly who loved who the most!
My parents rarely argued, but my husband's parents were divorced and couldn't stand to be in the same room together. At our wedding instead of asking friends of the bride or friends of the groom in order to be seated on one side of the pews or the other , the ushers asked friends of Veta or friends of Russ?
Not really but you might as well have - there are NO pictures of his parents with us together.
So our frames of reference for marital arguments were skewed. My parents had a long, happy marriage with rare arguments. His parents had bitter arguments for years and ended up divorced and loathing each other. We had to learn that disagreements were a normal part of a healthy marriage. You have them, resolve them, and move on. Despite them, you can still love and be committed to your spouse.
Plus, like those of us who have been married for many years have learned - those petty spats get less and less over the years. They aren't worth the energy!
So what's the point of telling you all this?
Well it hit me this weekend that committing to a healthy lifestyle was a lot like committing to a marriage.
I've blogged before about my long history of yo-yo "dieting". I'd start off with great enthusiasm, much like I started my marriage wildly in love. I'd go great guns following whatever diet I happened to be following at the moment, UNTIL I "cheated" that first time. Just like I thought that an argument in marriage meant that you were headed to divorce, I thought that slipping up once and over eating or eating the wrong thing was like a nail in the diet divorce coffin. Isn't that why they call it cheating?
Unforgivable. Divorce the diet. Just another excuse to give up and gain the weight back...
I just had a wonderful weekend at a hotel/casino/spa with my dear husband. Of course they had good restaurants - including a HUGE buffet with the usual prime rib and a dessert bar longer than my house. I did well with my selections for the most part, but didn't obsess since it was a special occasion.
Plus I worked out for 45 minutes in the state of the art gym that the hotel provided for guests, so I don't think that the scale will be too punishing.
34 years ago I made a commitment to my husband and I've never regretted it. We have our occasional arguments but they just clear the air and never last and I never stop loving him.
5 years ago I made a commitment to myself to lose 70 pounds and I've never regretted it. I have my occasional caloric indulgence, but it's NOT cheating - it just "clears the air" and it never lasts, and I never stop loving how I feel when I eat healthy and exercise.