Wednesday, May 12, 2010
So, yesterday I drove 3.5 hours to Medina with my SIL and my boy. About 2:30 into it, he started crying, got fed, cried some more and passed out for the last 20 minutes or so.
As soon as my SIL got here she started making plans for while she would be here, friends she wanted to see, etc... and then my BIL asked us to go see Iron Man 2 at the theatre, and my SIL went (I am saving myself for my husband - hahaha). So, my MIL hung out with me and Avery for the night.
Today I offered to make cheese soup for dinner since there was a pot of turkey broth. My FIL asked me what we were going to do for dinner, and I said I was making cheese soup. Then later on he asked what we were doing again, and I said we were having cheese soup, and maybe some crusty bread to go with it. He said, "That's not dinner." Ouch.
My SIL whispered to me "he thinks of meat as dinner." Which I know, whereas I think of meat as an option for dinner... so although I was a little peeved I tried to let it roll off my back.
Later, I was changing Avery's diaper with my SIL and she said "So you're going home tomorrow right?" and I said "Well, no, I was planning on leaving Friday" and she said "Well, Mom wants some one-on-one time with me on Thursday, that's all." Uncomfortable pause, then she said "I'll talk to her later about it." and I said, "No, that's OK, I'll just ask her later."
Then about 20 minutes later we're getting ready to go to the book store with Avery. My SIL was going out with a friend for the evening, and my FIL said "Your Mom wants to spend some time just the two of you tonight." Then a couple minutes later he said to SIL "You and your Mom could go out for ice cream or something" and to me "She wants some time alone with Autumn, so it would just be the two of them." And I said, "That's fine with me!"
I felt like I wanted to curl up into myself and disappear. I realized then that I was in the way, that I wasn't wanted, that I was infringing on their time, and I was so embarrassed. Their words stung. I feel so unwanted. I feel so bad, and I'm so humiliated...
They barged in with their parents ON MY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY. I wanted to spend time with my little family and relax. And instead I spent it with THEM. I was hospitable and let them into my house, even though I didn't want them to be there.
I drove my SIL 3.5 hours to her parents' house, with my baby, and she expects me to turn around and leave!? She was going to rent a car - there goes 150 dollars. I did her a favor.
And me and their second-rate grandson are obviously not welcome here. And it's such bull. If I had Halen with me - precious perfect Halen who gets all the letters in the mail, comes home with TWO new pairs of shoes, a shirt, a sweatshirt, a Duncan yo-yo, watercolors and a double disc of Chronicles of Narnia on audio - I'm sure this wouldn't have been an issue. On Saturday night, my in-laws took Halen back to the hotel with them so he could stay over night. Can't live without Halen.
Every time Halen leaves, my MIL BAWLS... I'm sure she doesn't bat an eye when Avery leaves.
Either way... I was incredibly upset. I called my husband and told him I wanted to go home, that I would be home tonight or tomorrow morning, and told him what happened. He was mad. He wanted to call them right away and yell at them, but he said he would wait till I left. I would rather him not say anything.
So then I went out to get groceries for dinner - to eat with cheese soup, since that's not dinner (btw, my FIL didn't even take a bite of the soup). When I got back, I went upstairs and packed up Avery's pack'n' play and our clothes. My brother-in-law was in the bathroom taking the hugest crap ever, so I couldn't go in there to get toiletries.
Then my husband texts me that (perfect) Halen got lunch detention for the rest of the week. I heard my MIL come home and told her I was leaving that afternoon, and had to leave relatively soon because I only have one headlight (thanks, dear, for almost taking care of that for the past 2 weeks). I told her Airin wanted me to come home.
Then she basically begs me to stay tonight and leave tomorrow morning instead. So I'm staying tonight, and doing my best to stay out of everyone's hair. I made dinner, and it was stupid and crappy.
I wish I hadn't come here. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm the fat ugly second wife, and Airin can do so much better, and has done better and "Oh, we were so glad Airin and Megan got married before Halen was born" and blah blah blah. And then I'm going to go home and deal with more stupid bull crap with Halen.
Oh, and I went running with Autumn yesterday. Hills suck. She ran twice as fast as me, ran ahead, ran back to me, and when she tried to run with me I could tell she was trying her hardest to go that slow and hurting her form. Then when she got home, she went on the treadmill and ran another few miles. I was so proud of myself before, and I know she has been running for a few years, but I just absolutely suck. I'm an embarrassment. I couldn't even run up the little hills on the trail... I had to walk them.
Well, I'll be going to my running class tomorrow night. I can't wait to get out of here. What a mistake this was. I'm just a pest. A fat ugly pest with a baby no one gives a crap about. Way to get to know him, everyone. I know you've been looking forward to this about 25% as much as one weekend with Halen.