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    BEECHNUT13   35,140
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Vacation, my A$$.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

So, yesterday I drove 3.5 hours to Medina with my SIL and my boy. About 2:30 into it, he started crying, got fed, cried some more and passed out for the last 20 minutes or so.

As soon as my SIL got here she started making plans for while she would be here, friends she wanted to see, etc... and then my BIL asked us to go see Iron Man 2 at the theatre, and my SIL went (I am saving myself for my husband - hahaha). So, my MIL hung out with me and Avery for the night.

Today I offered to make cheese soup for dinner since there was a pot of turkey broth. My FIL asked me what we were going to do for dinner, and I said I was making cheese soup. Then later on he asked what we were doing again, and I said we were having cheese soup, and maybe some crusty bread to go with it. He said, "That's not dinner." Ouch.

My SIL whispered to me "he thinks of meat as dinner." Which I know, whereas I think of meat as an option for dinner... so although I was a little peeved I tried to let it roll off my back.

Later, I was changing Avery's diaper with my SIL and she said "So you're going home tomorrow right?" and I said "Well, no, I was planning on leaving Friday" and she said "Well, Mom wants some one-on-one time with me on Thursday, that's all." Uncomfortable pause, then she said "I'll talk to her later about it." and I said, "No, that's OK, I'll just ask her later."

Then about 20 minutes later we're getting ready to go to the book store with Avery. My SIL was going out with a friend for the evening, and my FIL said "Your Mom wants to spend some time just the two of you tonight." Then a couple minutes later he said to SIL "You and your Mom could go out for ice cream or something" and to me "She wants some time alone with Autumn, so it would just be the two of them." And I said, "That's fine with me!"

I felt like I wanted to curl up into myself and disappear. I realized then that I was in the way, that I wasn't wanted, that I was infringing on their time, and I was so embarrassed. Their words stung. I feel so unwanted. I feel so bad, and I'm so humiliated...

They barged in with their parents ON MY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY. I wanted to spend time with my little family and relax. And instead I spent it with THEM. I was hospitable and let them into my house, even though I didn't want them to be there.

I drove my SIL 3.5 hours to her parents' house, with my baby, and she expects me to turn around and leave!? She was going to rent a car - there goes 150 dollars. I did her a favor.

And me and their second-rate grandson are obviously not welcome here. And it's such bull. If I had Halen with me - precious perfect Halen who gets all the letters in the mail, comes home with TWO new pairs of shoes, a shirt, a sweatshirt, a Duncan yo-yo, watercolors and a double disc of Chronicles of Narnia on audio - I'm sure this wouldn't have been an issue. On Saturday night, my in-laws took Halen back to the hotel with them so he could stay over night. Can't live without Halen.

Every time Halen leaves, my MIL BAWLS... I'm sure she doesn't bat an eye when Avery leaves.

Either way... I was incredibly upset. I called my husband and told him I wanted to go home, that I would be home tonight or tomorrow morning, and told him what happened. He was mad. He wanted to call them right away and yell at them, but he said he would wait till I left. I would rather him not say anything.

So then I went out to get groceries for dinner - to eat with cheese soup, since that's not dinner (btw, my FIL didn't even take a bite of the soup). When I got back, I went upstairs and packed up Avery's pack'n' play and our clothes. My brother-in-law was in the bathroom taking the hugest crap ever, so I couldn't go in there to get toiletries.

Then my husband texts me that (perfect) Halen got lunch detention for the rest of the week. I heard my MIL come home and told her I was leaving that afternoon, and had to leave relatively soon because I only have one headlight (thanks, dear, for almost taking care of that for the past 2 weeks). I told her Airin wanted me to come home.

Then she basically begs me to stay tonight and leave tomorrow morning instead. So I'm staying tonight, and doing my best to stay out of everyone's hair. I made dinner, and it was stupid and crappy.

I wish I hadn't come here. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm the fat ugly second wife, and Airin can do so much better, and has done better and "Oh, we were so glad Airin and Megan got married before Halen was born" and blah blah blah. And then I'm going to go home and deal with more stupid bull crap with Halen.

Oh, and I went running with Autumn yesterday. Hills suck. She ran twice as fast as me, ran ahead, ran back to me, and when she tried to run with me I could tell she was trying her hardest to go that slow and hurting her form. Then when she got home, she went on the treadmill and ran another few miles. I was so proud of myself before, and I know she has been running for a few years, but I just absolutely suck. I'm an embarrassment. I couldn't even run up the little hills on the trail... I had to walk them.

Well, I'll be going to my running class tomorrow night. I can't wait to get out of here. What a mistake this was. I'm just a pest. A fat ugly pest with a baby no one gives a crap about. Way to get to know him, everyone. I know you've been looking forward to this about 25% as much as one weekend with Halen.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAYNINNE 5/14/2010 11:48AM

    It's the truth!

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BEECHNUT13 5/13/2010 10:08PM

    Haha, home is where the heart/pals/running class is... are? Hahaha...

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JAYNINNE 5/13/2010 10:06PM

    I'm glad you're doing better now that you're home. And you did great on today's run!

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BEECHNUT13 5/13/2010 4:23PM

    The difference between Mike and Autumn is that Mike is teaching a 5K running class. Autumn was all excited to go on a run with me, and then she realized that I'm really slow, and that I was holding her back, and that was sort of embarrassing. But yes, she has been running longer than Mike. God, I love Mike.

I'm home now, and everything seems so silly once you're home... I was so upset last night, but now that I'm here I am feeling much better. Still kind of peeved though.

My SIL said to me today, as I was packing up: "You're leaving?" "Yep" "Michelle, you don't have to go!" and I said, "Yes, I do." And I made excellent time too - under 3 hours. :)

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JAYNINNE 5/12/2010 11:31PM

    I'm stunned pal. That's really incredibly awful.

On the other hand, I'm pleased that Airin stuck up for you. Even if he didn't talk to them about it, at least he didn't tell you not to take it so hard or whatever. I know he often belittles your frustration with his family, but this time he stuck with you. That's good.

I'm so sorry for you. I'll be happy to have you back running next to me. I know it sucks that you felt so crappy running with Autumn, but you don't let it bother you when Mike runs faster than us. Why do you feel differently about her? And she's been running longer than he has.

I definitely know where you're coming from though. I've been having a tough week with comparing myself to other people too. That's when we get into trouble. If you need a pick-me-up, just look at my life and compare yourself to me. That should make you feel a little better. emoticon

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MEADSBAY 5/12/2010 10:06PM

    oh
my
god-
WTF IS WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE??????
Please can I be that darling boy's grammy?
I will smother him with hugs and kisses.
You can come to my house and make me cheese soup any day of the week.
I am so sorry you married into such a dysfunctional bunch of boobs.
Hold your head up high and do the right thing.
Never blame Halen for any of this, though.


emoticon

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DANCETHEBEACH 5/12/2010 8:52PM

    You are not fat, ugly, stupid or second rate. Understand that? Be sure that you do.

These people have no social abilities whatsoever and you DO NOT under any circumstance let them define your self worth. Got that? Let me repeat that - THEY are not worthy of judging you. If this is the level of their socialization, they are UNWORTHY of you, your talents, your love and your obvious self sacrifice.

You just keep on being the loving and gracious person that you are. You hold your head up and be proud of who you are and of the goodness that is in your heart. You have a lovely son who will not grow up to be filled with such self-absorption because you are setting a better example that that. You just stick to the high road.

BTW - keep on running - even if it isn't fast or far. Every step you take is a step that no one will ever be able to take away from you!

Now give yourself a big hug from me; go look in the mirror and see the wonderful person who is staring back at you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JETTER4 5/12/2010 7:33PM

  WOW - What a day.

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