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There's always an excuse

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

There is though, isn't there? There is always an excuse to not eat properly. Or get off track with what you lay down as your 'goals'.
There the holidays,Birthdays, Graduations, BBQ's,Anniversary's, the list goes on and on. There is not escaping food, or the abundance of it. Usually in front of you.
There is also emotional obstacles that try and often do derail you from your goals.

My latest emotional derailment was Thursday past when my 15yr old daughter told me in no uncertain terms that she was going to live with her father. (he lives in the same small town we do) Well, I went through this when my son turned 16 a few years ago. It was hard, but I got through it. He still comes home to eat lunch every day from school, and the occasional suppers.
Well, this was totally unexpected. I never thought she was going to do this. Apparently, her step-father and myself 'yell' at her too much. If telling her over and over again to 'shut the lights off', 'clean up your room', 'brush your teeth'etc.. you know, the usual stuff!

Since then, I've ate, then couldn't eat. I haven't exercised. I just don't bloody want to. Saturday I spent the whole day crying, and well into the night. I woke up with a migraine. Of course. Self-induced. Spent Mother's Day with my dear husband and my 6yr old trying to make me feel better. Couldn't eat, not with my stomach heaving. Didn't hear from my daughter. My oldest son decided to text me "Happy Mother's Day" around 4 that afternoon. Sometimes I just hate modern technology.
So yeah, that has been my life for the last several days. The only person I'm hurting is me. So, I'm here to tell you all I've had enough with the self-pity party I've been having. I'm sorry if I let anyone down. I'm usually the first to tell anyone,"You can do it," "Keep it up"etc,etc, and here I am not practicing what I preach. What a phony I am.

I don't usually blog. There is always an excuse not too. It's really easy to make excuses. There a dime a dozen, and so easily available. It takes no effort to come up with one, or two. The things in life that take some effort in life is what we, or I should be striving for. Why is it so easy to go back to the crappy lifestyle we had. It's easy, that's why. It's what we know, and are used to . Well, If I/we want a healthier, and yes-happier life we need to change.
So yes, there is always an excuse to go back to your old ways. But, there are many excuses to get some new healthier ones too.

"True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome."
-Walter Anderson
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I hope you are doing better with this situation...it's been over half a year now! lol So yes I'm late responding but I read this and wanted to see how you were doing or if your daughter is still with her dad. :)
    2650 days ago
    I just went through this with my 15-year-old son. Feel free to message me privately if you ever want to talk.


    2867 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear about this all, and I understand being blind-sided its happened to me. You just don't know how much emotions effect your eating till something happens like this.

    For me its the "can't eat syndrom", plus I am the zodiac sign of Cancer and internalize by nature. I do hope it is getting better for you now and the fact that your daughter is with her dad just remember its not always greener on the other side.

    Get your feelings out and in the open, or write them down and burn them just don't let it eat you up. Its ok to cry and be emotional as long as your being true to yourself which is all that you can control.

    You have raised great kids, now its time to let them fly and enjoy your family time and your DH. Maybe invite her to lunch and just chat and stay close, your her mom (not her friend)and you did right by having house rules.

    It will pay off in the future for her, even if she and your son can't see it right now..your a super MOM never forget that!
    2870 days ago
    It will all work out. Girls and boys all need their mommys and they will realize it sooner then they will let on to you. They always think the grass is greener but when they learn that it's not any better on that side of the fence they do not dare admit it. You are the best and they know it in their hearts. Teens are tough. emoticon
    2870 days ago
    Hey sweetie. I've been wondering where you were at. This is normal and unfortunately our kids have the choice to go to the other parent's home. My kids are struggling with their dad (or lack of) right now too. My future step daughter had told us she'd spend a week at a time with us once we moved, but her dad has more rules than mom so she hasn't done that so far.
    Bottom line is it hurts and it's not an excuse to take some time to figure this out. This isn't an "ordinary" excuse like the ones we toss around on a daily basis. You're entitled to feel what you need to feel.
    Do take care of you, let your daughter know you love her, and do what you need to do. They will both come back around. Trust me, 2 of mine are older now and we have wonderful relationships. Takes some time and growing up.
    We're here for you whenever you need us! Love you girl!
    2870 days ago
  • KAREN7360
    Oh sweet Michelle, far from phony and far from being a walking excuse. What we do is react to pain - it is not an excuse, it is a human emotion - kind of like grief in a way and we have to work through those feelings that this pain creates. Your daughter is doing the normal teen thing sweetie - you guys yell too much because she lives there, Dad doesn't yell too much because she doesn't live there ---- let's see what the coming days look like in her world. It is always easier for the children to think that life is always better on the other side - let's see if she finds that long term.

    In the meanwhile let your feelings go and let your mind and your heart deal with them, then you will be ready to move forward as you did with your son. Don't take this as a personal assault - assault on your heart, yes, an unexpected event from your daughter, that has hurt you. Let your heart heal and let your emotions run their path -- but don't forget that no matter what YOU matter and attacking yourself won't change your daughters mind. The only thing that will change her mind is to go out and find out on her own if its what she thinks it is going to be.

    Be okay with her - at least she has gone to Dad's and not run away leaving your petrified. She will find her way with this and just trust that your her Mom and that will always be - she will reach out for you, just let her have the space and she will.

    I love you dearly and you know I am here. emoticon emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • MR.NET1
    emoticon emoticon

    You haven' let anyone down...

    Ya' here, aren't ya' emoticon


    2870 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2010 9:09:55 PM
    Hey, The last thing you are is a phoney..your human and this is what teens do when they are searching for their identity in life and who is the first one they crap on is mom..I have 5 of them and it's the same case with all of them..it's part of her rebellion to break free of the cord..oh emotionally I'm sure your a wreck..all 3 of my girls did this to me..now the oldest and I are the best of friends..the other 2 still growing up with their attitudes ..you can't live with guilt or the what did I do wrong..it's not your stuff it's hers trying to spread those wings and don't tell me what to do attitude..it's the growing up process..you know what I'm dealing with and everday is a struggle to stay positive and take care of myself..when I rather crawl in a hole...remember this too shall pass. Hugs
    2871 days ago
    Oh Mitch---I was wondering why you weren't on the boards? Why is it when we need our friends the most we withdraw from them? (Talking about me here too cuz I do the same thing....)

    Don't be too hard on yourself. Although we don't have children I am of the age to recognize there isn't a teenager in the world who doesn't think their parents yell at them all the time. My neighbor's who have teenager's actaully effectionately refer to them as the "teen-angers" group....because for some reason or the other it seems like they are mad at them all the time for everything they do.

    Pick yourself up and get marchin' down that road with me again. We'll get back on track together Sista! emoticon
    2871 days ago
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