Monday, May 10, 2010
Spring brings out the newness of things...I have been trying to find the new me among all the old mess I've carried around for so long. Its not easy, but the sifting is coming along.
Sometimes it seems that this whole weight loss thing should be easier than what it is. I become so mentally motivated and it only lasts but for so long. Life creeps in and I'm caught in the whirlwind again. One of my main motivations for this weight loss is for my future pregnancy/children. I want to lose some of this weight prior to ttc. After that, I want to maintain a healthy weight so that I can remain active and involved in my children's lives. I personally struggle with this. To make matters worse, my husband put on a lot of weight about 2 years ago when he was working third shift. I've done everything short of beg asking him to think about joining me in this journey. I want him to be healthy and active as well. It doesnt seem he cares, at least not enough to make change.
Secondly, it seems so many of my friends are having babies. To hold them in my arms is such a joy. It is hard to be patient and wait for our time. We're hoping with in the next year and a half to start trying...with student teaching coming up, going down to one income, and many other uncertainties, I know we are making the right choice. Its just so hard when I long to old an angel of my own. Any suggestions on how to suppress the itch?
God has been so good to me and my family. He continues to provide. I dont know why I hold on to the things I do. Some days I face an unrelentless anxiousness...for no particular reason. I need to let go and let God...really let go...not just say I'm giving it over.