Sunday, May 09, 2010
Losing weight has been a lifelong journey for me. When I was about 2 years old, I had a severe case of tonsillitis. Per my parents, all I did was cry, I wouldn't eat and nothing comforted me. My parent would let me suck on a chicken leg bone and I guess that would quiet me down for a bit. My Dad didn't like whining or crying so they would put me in the crib in my room and let me holler and wail until I fell asleep.
I didn't realize this then or while growing up, but that set a standard of how I was to be treated for the rest of my childhood and into adulthood. Whenever I would complain, whine or cry, they would shut down and not acknowledge my pain or suffering, they rejected me and put me back into my crib in my room metaphorically.
By the time I had my tonsils removed by age 3, I was sickly and very skinny. My Dads' friend Duffy used to say, "If she ever swapped butts with a mosquito, the mosquito would lose". That is how skinny I was.
It seemed almost overnight, but after I came home from the hospital, food became my comfort and by the time I was in grade school, I was already overweight. By the 3rd grade, not only was I the fattest but I also grew several inches so I was the tallest in my class, even bigger than the boys. Of course, this led to the kids teasing and picking on me which just added to my low self esteem.
I remember different events surrounding food as a young child, like putting about a half inch or more of peanut butter on my sandwich and my Dad yelling at me for using too much. Then my parents wanted to treat us kids (I'm the youngest of 3, I have one brother and one sister) to candy bars one Friday night. I saw the candy in the grocery bags and I snuck off and ate both mine and my sisters candy and then hid the wrappers in the bathroom garbage. Of course I lied and said I didn't, that they must have forgot to buy them, but then they found the wrappers in the garbage. I was spanked for that and rightfully so.
Looking back, I believe these were subconscious actions to get attention, not positive but negative attention. I guess any attention was better than none at the time.
This is the beginning of my weight struggles that I can remember. As I remember more or as I become aware of other incidences I plan to blog about them and hope this will assist in my weight loss journey.