Today I turned in my qualifying exam. I'm supposed to integrate two areas of cognitive, developmental or social psychology. I wrote about integrating the egoism altruism debate under the bioecological systems perspective. The paper was 32 pages, + title page, + references, + 1 figure, for a total of 42 pages.

I sent it to my committee that is grading it and then freaked out a little and cried... I have 5 days till it's due, but I'm so F-ing sick of it. So I sent it today. I'm nervous, but excited it's over. I'm pretty sure I'll pass - you need an average of a 3.00 from the 3 committee members that are grading it.

After that, I picked up my sister-in-law from the airport and we drove home. I immediately put on my workout clothes and went for a run. I went 2.39 miles today, which is the farthest I have ever jogged. I really enjoyed the whole run... probably because it was at about 4.5 mph! But I listened to my mp3 player and just enjoyed the air and the breeze and being DONE with quals! Oh, it felt SO NICE.

Tomorrow is the wedding. I'm wearing pre-preggo pants! They're a little snug, but they look better than my dress pants that are getting too big. I wish I could wear a dress or a skirt, but everything is still a little too tight for my taste... I know I would sit and everything would puddle all over the place and look like sh*t. In a couple weeks I'll fit into them, I'm sure.

I was supposed to treat myself to a new dress when I finished my 28 Sparkday plan... but I don't want to buy a dress yet. I want to lose more weight. I want to have more money. I was also supposed to clean my car for completing 2 weeks of the plan, but I have been too busy.

My sister-in-law is in a size 8 dress. I'm barely in a 16 (with vanity sizing, I'm sure). I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people but GOD DAMN IT. Really!? Twice the size? Well, I'm at least 3 times the pant size as Megan (there I go comparing myself to her... nice).

Why would I dare feel crappy about the size of my butt? I finished quals today! And I ran 2.39 miles for the first time ever. I should be happy about myself. But instead I feel fat and gross. I was wondering the other day: when I get to my goal weight, what will I hate about myself next?

Here's a picture of myself back in February or March or something. I was fatter then!