Tuesday, May 04, 2010
I am paying for a gym membership that I have not been using. My fish child has been getting great use though so that is a plus for us both.
I need to go back to the gym. I used to go every day. I could not wait to get in there and get going. Now I hesitate. I have put on a great deal more weight and cannot seem to find my confidence. I had a very wise person tell me once, "act as if". One of the hardest things for me to do is feel as if I am on display. I used to go and act as if I was confident; I had even started introducing myself to other "regulars". I sure do miss looking at that handsome lawyer that goes there (he is married, I do NOT have a romantic interest at all, he is simply a nice man that speaks to me as if I am a person that is worth his time- very flattering).
I have made up my mind to go tomorrow. Even if I do not stay long, even if I am uncomfortable. I can walk for short distances without my crutches and should be able to make it in if I go slow. I need to start swimming. My barrier is the swimsuit. I went to a local store today and they did not have "plus size" suits. I'll have to go to a different one tomorrow that I know sells them. I was afraid to walk on the pool deck with the crutches, afraid of falling. My worst fall (LOL- after the initial event!) on crutches was when I was casted, floor in parking garage elevator was wet, one crutch went far left, one far right, me down in the middle, shock wave went through the body on that one!
So, to sum it all up:
I will act as if I am a confident, secure person
I will smile, be kind, and take time to speak to other people outside of work
shopping for a bathing suit WILL BE DONE. they would not manufacture plus size suits if no one ever bought them!
I will be kind to the salesperson no matter what she/he says- it's not their fault that I'm obese
I will log on to SP, track my food, have some exercise to track, and be active on the site
I will give myself credit for having a plan and following through
I will participate!
Thank you to everyone that has been so welcoming to me. I have missed being here and getting all the support and care.