I know many of you have probably heard of Uni-Boob, when instead of having 2 great looking sisters where they should be, you have one giant one across your chest. Sports Bras and famous for creating this not-so-attractive look.
Well, this weekend I went shopping. I needed new bottoms- Pants, Work Skirts, and Panties
(Yes, my panties are too big). So I was going strong. I was feeling great. EVERY size 8 that I was pulling was fitting great. Some were even loose. So- I eyed a pair of Size 6 pants hanging on a clearance rack. Should I do it? Hmmmmm. Will I be disappointed? Will I be pleasantly Surprised? GO FOR IT!!!
I grabbed them off the rack and ran to the dressing room. I put one leg in, the the other and slid them up- Wow they are actually going to go over my thighs, they actually slid over my still very ample hips. I get them all the way pulled up and look at myself, now I am sweating-
WILL I GET THEM BUTTONED AND ZIPPED???
I go for it. It is a bit of a struggle. The button is easy, but the zipper is a bit strained. I tug, I sweat, I fight, and finally- THEY ARE ON!! For the first time since I was about 19 I actually have on a size 6. They may not look great, but they are on.
Then I turn around to check out the bottom. EWWWW!! What is THAT. Where are my newly firmed butt cheeks?!?!?!? In the place of the cute bottom that I have been working so hard on (Thank you Kim Kardashian for making a big butt "In") is one giant uni-butt. Gone are the 2, nicely defined and recently renovated butt cheeks that I had, and in their place is one giant lump of mass, squeezed together and gasping for air. I look like an alien right now, then I realize what it is- I LOOK LIKE THE MOM OFF OF CONEHEADS! SERIOUSLY!!
Then i think back to all of the times that my pants were too small for me. Is this what my butt looked like? Have I been a persistant offender of sporting a uni-butt?!
Wow, not a good look. None-the-less, I got the darn size 6 on, it is within my grasp. A 6 is my goal size, and the fact I got it over my "birthing hips" (Yes someone actually told me I had good birthing hips once) Is an accomplishment in it's own right.
But I also taught myself a lesson- Be happy with the size you are in and wear things that FIT- Who wants to walk around looking like a Conehead with a Uni- Butt!