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    DOWN2SEXY   29,913
25,000-29,999 SparkPoints

DOWN2SEXY's horrible, awful, terrible, very bad day.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Today I am having a really bad "healthy me" day.

It really started last night when a meeting I had ran long and I didn't get home until about 11:00 pm. from a day that had begun at 04:00.

When I finally got home, DH offered me leftovers from the dinner he had made for himself: fried Spam and french fries. At least it was "light" Spam. I keep a few cans on hand in our emergency preparedness kit because it has a shelf life of like - forever. So, hubby raided the emergency supplies because he loves Spam and I will not make it for him unless we're under some disaster alert.

I passed on the leftovers, feeling very proud of myself (although IDK why. I ate cheese dip and pita chips at the meeting - not the healthiest choice in the world). I decided to sit down and check my email before turning in. That was a big mistake because I ended up reading emails until way past midnight. At one point, I went and grabbed the bag of leftover Spam and fries and took it back with me to the computer desk - where I sat there and ate ALL the leftovers. Not like it was a ton, but still! Since when did I start eating in the middle of the night?

When I finally did make myself go to bed, it was past 1:00 am. and I had trouble going to sleep. The last glance I had at the clock, it said "3:17."

Needless to say, when the alarm went off at 04:00 this morning, I was not a happy camper. I allow myself a lot of leeway in the mornings, so I turned of the "first" alarm and went back to sleep. I got up after hitting "snooze" on the 6:00 am. alarm several times and when my feet hit the floor, I realized that I had just slept away my time for doing laundry and household chores AND the time I set aside for my morning workout. I started the coffee and jumped in the shower, but when it was time to leave for work, I still felt barely awake - which accounts for why I forgot all about breakfast, lunch and dinner.

So, with no fuel in my tummy, no exercise under my belt, and not enough coffee to keep my eyelids open, I arrived at work - late and groggy. I managed for a while but around 10:30 am., my tummy reminded me that I had skipped breakfast. Instead of doing the smart thing and sticking with Plan B - instant oatmeal that I keep at my desk - I did the dumb thing and bought a cinnamon roll from the vending machine. Not the smartest choice but at least it was only 400 empty calories.

Fast forward to lunch time. (I wish I could have fast-forwarded, the morning felt like it was a week long!) I have a taste for a big, fat, juicy hamburger loaded with grilled onions and mushrooms and topped with Swiss cheese. My brain registers that I am only craving that because I am sleep-deprived, but some unseen force orders me to disregard the warning. I go to the restaurant and order the big, fat, juicy burger in a combo - with fries and an iced tea. Suddenly, just as the clerk was telling me how much I owed, some demon inside me blurted out that I wanted a small order of fried onion rings added on. Yes...and I ate all of that. Every last crumb. I was gathering speed, rolling downhill without so much as an emergency brake. Well over 3000 empty calories for the lunch fiasco, I feel sure.

Now it's mid-afternoon and I feel stuffed - and groggier than ever. There isn't enough caffeine in the world to perk me up at this point. I still have a ways to go before I can call it a day. And I realize now that I did not consult my menu plan this morning which means I did not ask or answer the question "what's for dinner" so I will have to cook something on the fly after I get home. I feel like I could fall asleep at any second.

Oh, yeah...and my water bottle is sitting at home on the kitchen counter.

This is not a good state of affairs.

I am not judging myself or beating myself up over the mistakes I made, but I sure am wallowing in the consequences. I am reminding myself: This is how you feel when you don't eat properly, get adequate sleep, stay well-hydrated, or get at least a little bit of exercise into your day. It feels horrible, awful, terrible, and very bad. I feel like an exhausted, bloated, fat, uncoordinated lump. I hope I burn these feelings so deep into my memory that I never, ever get myself into this state again. These are the physical feelings I'm talking about here.

The emotional feelings are pretty well under control given the circumstances. I'm angry with myself for making the bad choices that got me into this predicament, but it is a righteous anger, not one that calls me names or tells me I am worthless. It is a "why would you do this to yourself?" kind of anger.

I am trying to use this as a learning experience so I'll be smarter the next time about how one thing wants to lead to another. I am contemplating how a series of bad choices compound one another. I am reminding myself that the way I feel physically is my own doing. And I am posting this as an example of what NOT to do if you want to have a healthy lifestyle.

And I'm hoping I can stay awake and alert enough to make it through the rest f the day and evening. I promise to go to bed at a decent hour tonight. Honest!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CANBDONE 11/12/2011 11:25AM

    Lesson learned, it sounds like! SUCCESS IS SIMPLY MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES! Sounds easy, right? emoticon

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ANNETTE1024 9/30/2010 6:42PM

    I had one of those days a couple days ago. The difference is I work out of the house-so no vending machines:-)

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MYRADIANTLIFE 5/12/2010 10:26PM

    My goodness we have all had days like these. I worked until 1am last night and up again at 4am to finish what I was working on. Your blog has motivated me to make sure I go out at lunch for a walk to clear the head and take my water bottle with me and not come back till its finished! Thanks, I was about to head to the lunch room and see what was offer. I love the reversal of the saying which now reads "one step back - 2 steps forward". times like these it always comes in handy. Hang in there - you will get there. emoticon Nicky

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DENI_ZEN 5/4/2010 8:45PM

    Yes, lack of sleep and hydration can definitely set the stage for problematic eating choices (I could relate - passionately! - to everything but the Spam). I would've ended up in a similar way, without a doubt. The hamburger...well (sigh!)... DEFINITELY understandable.. emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 4/30/2010 12:18PM

    Aww I don't even think you should be angry with yourself. I understand that it's been a bad day and a half of food choices and there's been a definite lack of sleep but we ALL have days like that. If we were ALL to just get angry at ourselves over it, everyone in the world would have reason to be angry. I think you're definitely doing a good job by letting it be a learning experience and something you can draw on in the future but don't beat yourself up over it. If it rarely happens, even less so. Take it, swallow it, hope to make it through the workday and then go home and CRASH. I think once you get proper sleep again you'll go back to feeling like yourself once more. You can do it. :)

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MOMOPWRS 4/30/2010 10:59AM

    Just a Bump in the Rode. Take a hop over it and look at tomorrow, where there are no bumps. (we all hope)

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100LBLIGHTER 4/30/2010 1:34AM

    It takes so much energy to focus on the good things and dismiss the bad things that when we are exhausted from the long work hours....the focus is just not there. Get some rest and when the head is more clear you will be able to work at getting back on may take a day or two to catch up on things...that you've got behind on but it is not a disaster.. my Sexy friend.

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L*I*T*A* 4/29/2010 11:16PM

    hopeyou go tp bed early tonight
we have all been there from time to time.......
hopefully tomorrow is a new day to begin again....
blessings and hugs............lita

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MELA1953 4/29/2010 10:55PM

    Wow - your day sure rings some bells in my mind!!!! been there- done that!!! Hopefully we can learn from it... Now that you have chastised yourself, it is time to get some rest and get back on the wagon. I am still trying to climb up that steep wagonside myself... We can get it together - all of us!!!

Thanks for sharing.

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DESERTBLOOM21 4/29/2010 9:51PM

    I know how that all feels - I don't get enough sleep, enough water, enough (any) exercise, and I eat like a starving person. I'm supposed to weigh tomorrow, but I don't know if I can take it...thanks for showing us how to deal with the oopses we all have now and then. You're a wise woman.

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LUCYTHERUNNER 4/29/2010 6:36PM

    I must admit I have fallen prey to a spamburger a time or two myself. Sometimes you fall off the wagon and then sometimes it runs you over & drags you for a day or two. But you are strong. I know that tomorrow you will be up, working out and eating healthy with lots of water and wondering why you were so upset today! You can do it!!

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IPATRICIA 4/29/2010 5:27PM

    You are singing mt song! something similar happened me on 18th april. Until that time I was great, I TAUGHT IT WAS PLAIN SAILING. It just got worse, today for the first time ai weighed myself and I had gone from 79kilos to 82kilos and I havn't go back yet. I know all about 'the unseen hand' maybe if I had like you blogged about it, I might have stopped the freefall. At the end of the day, sooner or later we have to get back on track. If we want to reach our goal, we must be prepared to do what it takes. emoticon

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