Monday, April 26, 2010
For as long as I can remember, I've had image problems. I never really liked the way I looked. I was fat and generally big, plus we were poor so I couldn't afford the cool clothes. And even if I could, I wouldn't be able to fit in them anyway. It didn't help that boys in school avoided me except as a friend, or to make fun of me by calling me things like hippo hips, blowfish... even my own sister made fun of me (she'd call me Julie "Cowley" instead of Crowley, which was my maiden name). It was hard to love myself, and quite honestly, I didn't see any reason to try.
Which is why it's so shocking to me to be feeling as awesome as I am these days. I feel sexy! I see the beautiful curve of my jaw line, the lovely lines of my collar bones, and my waist is actually a waist these days! Used to be the smallest part around my torso was my bra band, but now I actually have a waist! I'm forming an hour glass figure, which is awesome!
I caught a glimpse of face in the mirror earlier, while I was cleaning, and I broke out into a goofy grin because, for the first time ever, I saw how simply beautiful my face is. I can actually see it now because it's not hidden under a layer of fat. But not only that, I can actually see me for me, and not just my weight. I can see the sparkle in my hazel eyes, my naturally rosy red cheeks, cherry red lips and snow white skin. I'm so pretty.
I slipped into a satin chemise I took on our honeymoon 2 and a half years ago. I was always uncomfortable in it because I looked so lumpy and bumpy under the satin. But tonight I was beautiful. I was smoking hot!
It's funny because I know hubby can't mentally tell that I'm different looking (he's pretty oblivious to that sort of thing; he didn't notice when I lost 50 pounds), but he's acting differently. Like he saw me in my cute nightie and his eyes almost popped out of his head. I just find him looking at me a lot more often. It makes me feel really sexy.
I need to take a current photo of myself so I (and everyone else) can compare how far I've come. I really do look different, and I'm so proud of myself.